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and judging by your spelling and grammar, plus the fact you got pregnant at 16 and cant find a job, i think its safe to say you are not the sharpest knife in the drawer...
Please. Stop. Really. This is someone in trouble. Don't add to it. That's a horrible thing to say.
ok i am 18. My bf is 21. we had our own apartment when i got pregnant at 16 and then he decided to move us here for a short time until we found something better. he got comfortable i understand...it is his family and now he doesnt want to go. i am a full time student monday to friday. i have tried to get a job and i previously had one but since the economy is bad i got fired. i see this as the only way out because i feel as though he never wants to leave. he has the money to pay something better because trust me he has money in the bank. what he pays here he can be paying somewhere else. the answers not to leave him trust me i tried and he just brings me back. it wouldnt be the same to raise the baby with him there half the time and it would take responsibilty off of him. i have to study watch the baby clean and cook. if i got hired from the dozens of places where i have applied i would be ecstatic. i can move in with my mom but i choose not to we need to raise our son together. he wont marry me because were too "young" i feel as though this is my only option. his family is ridiculous regardless and they didnt do it to help us...they would have rented to anyone. Im tired of the invasion of privacy and of the stupid demands like turn off your AC its not hot! i may be immature dependent and irresponsible but im not stupid. this is wrong and wether it repor was me reporting it or not its still wrong. and i have faced my bf but he says we need to help out. bull. he leeds to cut the umbilical cord and give his child the home he deserves.
First things first - whatever you do...finish your schooling. At the risk of sounding like an after school special ...it is absolutely the most important thing you can do for yourself and your child.
Does your b/f have a full time job? You said he has money in the bank - perhaps he is using this low cost living opportunity to save money for the future. It sounds like he is trying to do the right thing...supporting you and the baby. You have chosen a difficult path having a baby so young and you probably don't yet realize how much sacrifice we have to make to get where we really want to be. For example when we first had kids we wanted a house with a yard in a top notch school district. Couldn't afford it. So we sucked it up in a condo for 5 years with, by then 2 kids, until we had saved enough money to move up.
Perhaps instead of complaining and threatening your b/f you can sit down and work out a plan and a budget. See how much money you make and what it will take for him to feel comfortable moving out. Is there maybe a chance to fix up the basement a little? Perhaps a new shower surround to get rid of the mold...stuff that can be a DIY project?
Oh and many woman in their 30's and 40's still think their husband's should cut the umbilical cord........
I live in what i believe to be an illgeal basement apartment. It has a kitchen with an exhaust and anunfinished moldy shower. It also has no ceiling and when they walk upstair dust falls among us. I live with my boyfriend and my toddler. I believe this is affecting my health as well as my childs. Althiugh we have signed no lease, the owners are his relatives and one of them lives in a room down here. i know that my boyfriend doesnt want to movebecause he feels like it is a good deal.i think its horrible and i think my child and i deserve better. This was supposed to be temporary and its been more than a year. I would really like to report the apartment because i feel as though we would like to live here forever.one of the owners works for the court systems, and im not sure if this help him. i really want to leave but he doesn't and i don't want to leave him.
i want to know how i can go about reporting the place and if i can do it annonysmously.
I want to know what will be the consequences for our family and the owners.
thank you for your help it really is a nightmare down here. we have no privacy, or rights.
I'm not sure how much "trouble" the owners are going to get into for having family live in the basement. It doesn't sound like it's a finished basement so possibly if everything is up to fire code and there is a means of egress, they might get a pass or have to pay for an inspection or two.
Sweet girl, you have no lease to begin with. There is no proof that you rent an apartment if there is no lease. What are you going to report?
If you are so worried about your boyfriend's reaction to your concerns, what do you think he'll do when he finds out someone reported his family after they've let you live in their basement!
You say there is a relative living in a room along with you....how do you know your child is safe with this person around?
Please, for the sake of your child, get yourself together and get out. Start looking for places, save up your money, and then tell your boyfriend you've found a new place. If he wants to come with you, fine, if not, take the steps to become independent.
Way to go girl get yourself together and act now by getting a job,apartment and move out ASAP. Stop using your bf as an excuse. Seriously you should appreciate your bf and his relative for sheltering you free for a year in Jersey. Thats a tight state to live basically free. Please dont ever rat out relatives like that for they have not commited any crime. Too bad you have no shame woman!!
ok im not using him as an excuse. i want to be with him but he just wants to live here. i realize that he is trying to save money and he is responsible. he does support me and our child fully but these are just not living conditions. i am trying as well although i dont have a job i help out with the house and i take care of our son. I am also going to school to get a better job in the future to provide for all of us really. but i have been living at this place for a year, and like we all know when problems are ignored things get worse. i want to know how all the ones who judge me would feel taking a shower in a smelly moldy shower everyday. and having to bathe your toddler in it as well. this is not your regular moldy place. i clean it and clean it but its pretty much cement painted over...i know it may seem funny and it may seem that i complain alot but this is my everyday life. i mean these things affect my health and that of my child. and as far is family providing us a cheap place to live $600 a month for this place is not cheap and my boyfriend is not close to his family in fact he hates them and talks about them all the time. i think that this is the best way. i have reported the place annonymously and now the only option is to move out to a decent place. thank you so much for all the people who tried to help, but really im not sick or in need of immediate help..im justa teen who needed advice. thanks again. =]
Way to go girl get yourself together and act now by getting a job,apartment and move out ASAP. Stop using your bf as an excuse. Seriously you should appreciate your bf and his relative for sheltering you free for a year in Jersey. Thats a tight state to live basically free. Please dont ever rat out relatives like that for they have not commited any crime. Too bad you have no shame woman!!
they are not my relatives and it is not for free! and not only do we pay rent for the basement but the person in the other room does not! how unfair is that!?
My advise is to talk to your boyfriend and and tell him (honestly) how much longer you are willing to stay in the "apartment" your living in. Give him an opportunity to correct the situation by setting a date for him to find a better apartment. For example: "In 4 months time, we must have leased a clean and livable apartment." You must work and save with him to obtain this goal. As mold can be dangerous, if you feel that your baby's health is at risk, consider moving out without the boyfriend. If this is his child then he should want the baby to be safe...even if he's not the father, he should want the safety of the baby to come first. Next, if you move in with a friend or family you MUST set a date when you'll be leaving their house. Nobody appreciates a perminent guest. Later you can unite as a family in a better living situation. Again, it's upto the adults to make adult decisions and as far as the "illegal apartment" it is your job as a mother to protect your child from harm. Good luck!
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