Question for those who grew up poor in NYC (Walton: renting, how much)

[Elvira Black]

What factors led you to succeed? Parents who stressed schoolwork? A great teacher? Private/parochial vs. public school?

How much peer pressure, if any, was there to not study/do well in school?

Did affirmative action (if it applied) help/hurt/not matter?

Just wondering...

[009]

1) Do well in school

2) Don't let the fact that you're poor affect your decisions

3) Stay within budget. Anybody from the 'hood knows this. No need for huge ****ing stereos that rival well known clubs in NYC. In other words, don't buy luxuries to mask up reality. My only luxury was(still is) video games. Nothing more, nothing less.

4) I grew up in a "single parent" household. I'm lucky to have a mother who from the get-go told me how things were. She installed fear, within reason, and that set me straight. I've been offered to join gangs before, a local up and coming Bloods set, and I nicely declined the offer.

5)Teachers. It was mentioned here that teachers get respect in the 'hood, especially since their the only white folks besides the cops, firefighters and Dutch Masters(TM). I would say that's true, here and there. I'm pretty sure they left the day w/ their stereotypes and it made a good dinner-time, if they had the time, story. But they, especially in my junior high school days, told me to keep focused and you'll break out of that system. It's called determination and it's free. No need to **** it up on stupid issues.

6)Civil service jobs. Get called within a year or two and you're set w/ your half-assed, steady paycheck w/ benefits.

Moved up the ladder and now considered working poor by NYC standards. For a thankless job, might I add.

-Fin.

[Elvira Black]

009:

Nice post. Um...Dutch Masters..???

[BXGEAR]

A dutch = paper + leaf + guts

[mead]

These guys...

[NorthmeetsSouth]

Originally Posted by Elvira Black

What factors led you to succeed? Parents who stressed schoolwork? A great teacher? Private/parochial vs. public school?

How much peer pressure, if any, was there to not study/do well in school?

Did affirmative action (if it applied) help/hurt/not matter?

Just wondering...

Heavy Roman Catholic influence... I don't go to church anymore but all of the lessons are still filed away in my mind. Also, military dad who taught us all that the world doesn't owe us a thing. If you want something, get off your rear end and work for it!
Dad told us that you will dig ditches with a teaspoon if that is the only job you can find, and you will do it to the best of your ability. You will never truly appreciate anything that was handed to you. You must earn it to understand its value.
When you take a job, even one that you don't like, give your employer more than what he was expecting from you. Mind the three A's... Appearance, Attitude, and Ability... in that order. Dress for the position above yours. Have a good attitude about the work you do. Ability can be learned... if you have the right Appearance and Attitude your boss will train you to have the ability.
We grew up in Flatlands, more mouths to feed than money to pay for it, but we always got by, and never on the dole. I have never asked for a handout. If you go through life looking for someone else to hand you opportunities you won't get very far, and you will never earn anyone's respect (including your own)

[Elvira Black]

NorthmeetsSouth:

Wow...sounds exactly like my boyfriend's family! Roman Catholic (and how) and military dad.

It certainly helped make them terrific, courteous, super-hard working people, but not rich people since only one went to college and has a more professional govt job. Three of them in the military at one time or the other though. And their self-esteem has suffered because of their tough upbringing and lack of parental encouragement (the whole ditch digging, garbageman is perfectly fine routine,etc).

But my b/f, though he's been here since 69, still retains some of that guileless "country bumpkin" air (was born in Oklahoma) but it's charming nonetheless. Haven't met a NYer yet who had that kind of John Boy-"Waltons" vibe about them--or is it more Joe Buck from Midnight Cowboy? Actually, somewhere in between....

[scatman]

A whole lot of factors......(not in any particular order; they're all important!):

Encyclopedia + music collection in home.

Godfather, despite his own faults, who stressed, "School is like a job, like going to work. You don't go to school to play, you go to school to learn!"

Junior high school science teacher, who had signs posted in her classroom wall. The only one I remember....."Ignorance is a terrible thing!"

Two high school teachers, one conservative, one liberal, who became my mentors and taught me to aim high! One I still keep in touch with. The other has passed on, but whose daughters are like second family to me!

Higher Education Opportunity Program grant for undergrad. It's economic affirmative action (takes kids from poor backgrounds and uses class factors instead of race). Just remember, affirmative action (whatever kind it is) may get you in the pool, but you gotta swim on your own once you're in it! Found that out the hard way (almost kicked out of undergrad), but recovered (graduated in 4 years)!

The thought of pursusing and having a masters (15+ years after undergrad). Also, grad school classmates from parts of the world I never knew of, plus their experiences, was a driving factor.

[NorthmeetsSouth]

[quote=Elvira Black;1561850]NorthmeetsSouth:

Wow...sounds exactly like my boyfriend's family! Roman Catholic (and how) and military dad.

It certainly helped make them terrific, courteous, super-hard working people, but not rich people since only one went to college and has a more professional govt job. Three of them in the military at one time or the other though. And their self-esteem has suffered because of their tough upbringing and lack of parental encouragement (the whole ditch digging, garbageman is perfectly fine routine,etc). QUOTE



Out of six children only one went to college, and it was in her thirties. My parents didn't have the money for it and we all had after-school jobs as soon as we turned 16, and then right into working full time after HS graduation.
Years later, none of us are rich but we are all comfortable. My older sister retired at 50, and I plan to as well. All because we were told to save as much as we can, invest well, and never live beyond your means.

As far as the tough upbringing... your boyfriend is probably a lot younger than me. I used to feel bad about the lack of support and encouragement, but then as I got older I decided to use it as a challenge. My father may not have expected much from me when I was a teen ( and who could blame him?) but I showed him just how wrong he was. I started my own company and have done very nicely. Tell your boyfriend and his siblings that they shouldn't take it to heart that they didn't feel encouraged. Everybody has a different style of parenting and they do the best they can. some parents aren't warm and fuzzy, but they take their responsiblity seriously and keep their children on the straight and narrow. Those children turn into responsible adults.

[Elvira Black]

Actually, my b/f is 57. He's a self taught artist, but worked as a cook for many years.

Same deal...no money for college. After school work/chores. Very frugal.

Sounds like you did really well...mazel tov!