Help Needed in Dealing with Nasty Doorman (coop, how much)

[Getmeouttahere77]

Hi there! Sad that this is my first post, but I really like the input people give on these forums, and would appreciate any advice as to how to deal with this situation.

I live in an upscale building with my husband where there are door attendants. Most staff are super nice and I enjoy living here. However, there is one nasty old man ("ND") whom I sensed wasn't "quite right" from Day 1.

For example, I was recovering from surgery related a miscarriage soon after we moved in and my husband sent me flowers. Instead of giving me the flowers when I went downstairs to pick them up (he had called upstairs and left two or three messages about making sure that I pick up the flowers), began interrogating me about who sent the flowers, why my husband sent them, etc. "DN" even went so far as to make a point of reading the small card attached (which the florists did not put in an envelope)! I chalked it up to a failed attempt to be friendly on his part, even though I felt violated.

Fast forward a couple of months. A pig of a subcontractor ("PS") came to the building and was parked in the traffic circle out front. He saw me come out the front door, and began sexually harassing me from his truck for the next five minutes or so, while I walked my dog around the front of the property. I'll spare you the disgusting commentary. I couldn't leave because my small stubborn dog was making a scene; he was trying to do his business. I went back in, explained clearly what happened, and asked "ND" nicely to keep an eye on these workers. He acted like he was totally bored and didn't even pretend to care.

I went back outside because my dog needed to be walked. The subcontractor was still there, and as his partner had been granted admission to the building (!), they swung their truck around the traffic circle, to park it. As they passed me, "PS" stuck his head out and did some more filthy things, directed directly at me.

I was upset because clearly, "PS" was deranged. If he was so bold as to harass me not once but twice in front of my own building, God knows what he would try once he got in the building!

I reported him to "ND" again, who said nonchalantly, "I'll have someone check on him." He went down a small corridor (which I later learned was a recycling room!) and came back not two minutes later.

I called the subcontractor's company (the name and number of the company was on the truck), and complained. My husband then complained to management at our building (part of a large, national chain) and supposedly, they said that "PS" would never be allowed on the premises again.

OK, so the story gets much weirder, but I will spare you the details.

The gist is that "ND" has been acting like a jerk to me every day since (for about four months), I believe, in retaliation. For example, he told me that my dog was not allowed out a certain exit, even though I see tons of people going through that exit with their dogs (I live in a unit overlooking this exit). He glares at me when I pass through the lobby, and if I say hello to him, he will ignore me, and say hello only to others coming downstairs in a loud, dramatic way. I won't say anymore, but I believe there is something going on with "ND" and I will have to watch my back. He's already done something else, which I won't go into here.

Who knew a grown man could be so petty.

My question is this: we will be moving across the country in a few months for a job opportunity. Do I leave a nasty review of the building? Complain to management again?

I don't want to cause problems later on for my husband and I, as we will probably need a reference in our next rental. However, I also don't want to feel like a prisoner in my own building (can't pass through the lobby without passing his stank eye, and can't go through the other exit with my dog - as he is watching us on camera).

I don't want him to be fired (strange as that is) because he is an old, pathetic man working as a door person. I also don't want him to treat other young women like garbage (I have observed this in passing on many occasions).

Any suggestions? Please help. I have enough on my plate already with health issues and trying to plan a cross country move.

Thanks so much in advance!

[Ballervision]

How much did you give him for Christmas? Keep in mind these dudes make like 42k year max.

[Getmeouttahere77]

NOTHING, which is exactly what he deserved. Why would I tip a man that treated me dismissively and let a sexual harasser into the building? I am an attorney and can say without much doubt "ND" acted in the wrong both morally and legally. Had I been assaulted inside the building by the sexual harasser, "ND" and the building management would have been liable, as they had been put on alert. The building management recognizes that "ND" screwed up. That's why they apologized so quickly.

[30to66at55]

An attorney...who wud of guessed!!!

[Cantabridgienne]

What exactly did you expect him to do to someone who said something inappropriate to you? What did he fail to do that would be "illegal"?

[30to66at55]

Id say he failed to be subservient. Good for him.

[hancox17]

I'm presuming you're an adult, right? How are you a "prisoner" in your building just because you think he looks at you funny? Ignore him, for God's sake. You're moving in a few months so what is the problem? I'm sorry you feel he was 'dismissive" towards you but that can run both ways.

Just move and forget about it.

[bmwguydc]

If you are moving out of the building, which I think you are as you said you are planning a cross-country move, then focus on that. Ignore the doorman. The other recourse is to call the management company and discuss the issues with them, but that will cause his continued tenure in the position to become unstable, as if the company receives too many complaints, they will take action to terminate the offending personnel, especially if it is a national management company, not local where there is more oversight of employees by decision makers.

When you were harassed, you should have called the police or the management company immediately following the incident, even better during the incident if you call the on-site manager. Mediating situations between tenants and subcontractors is not within the doorman's purview, and they cannot deny admission if the management company has required the contractor to be on premises. They simply do not have that level of autonomy and decision making, nor do they investigate matters, especially those to which they were not a witness. How does he know that you are not the party with a grudge against someone else? He doesn't, and any issues need to be brought to the building management, not the doorman, because if he denies admission to the contractor, and you did not register a complaint with management or the authorities, he is going to be in trouble for insubordination because as far as the management company knows, there was no reason to exclude the contractor from the premises.

Merely asking the doorman to keep an eye on the contractors did not convey the seriousness of the situation, and likely would not warrant a report to building management of a potential situation, such that admission to the building would have been denied. A doorman is not going to get in the middle of a situation and make a report on your behalf, but they can call the building manager to the door, and should if management is on-site, and it is so requested by a tenant. Management has the authority to deny admission and terminate any business relationship with the contractor, but a doorman does not. Removing yourself from the situation was correct, but then you should follow up, either by a visit to the manager's office or calling from the security of your residence as soon as you entered the building.

An apology by the management company regarding the situation that you experienced is a customer handling procedure, especially when dealing with a certain class of building, not an understanding of liability because of a reported incident that was not witnessed by a staff member, since the doorman was inside. The building is always liable when a contractor is on-site, not just in the case of a disagreement, because their admission and duties are to be administered on behalf of management; thus, the contractor's presence is at the invitation of management. The contractor should be thoroughly vetted, and building procedures followed, including escort and monitoring policies while the contractors are on the premises, administered by the manger, doormen, porters, or other staff, if so required.

With respect to the exit door being used by others with their dogs, call the management company to clarify the accepted use policy. Find out if the door is prohibited for such use, do not take the word of a doorman with whom you do not have a good relationship. Don't frame the question stating that you have been denied use of that door, if you do not wish to create further issues with the doorman, just ask if the other door has an exclusion for dogs. If there is no prohibition, then I would walk in and out that door as required, regardless as to what the doorman had to say about the issue. Should he escalate it, I would inform him that the policy had been clarified with management, and that he should review the policy with the building manager.

You have two choices with respect to this situation. You can ignore it and just deal with the annoyances for the remainder of your tenancy, addressing the door policies with the manager. Or, you can discuss the entirety of the matter with management, but the doorman's continued employment could be called into question, especially if there are other complaints on record. If he is rude to other women, why protect him? He may be required to go to sensitivity training by management, or he may be terminated, but that is not your responsibility to worry about if you have witnessed and experienced a less than professional demeanor from an employee in a customer service position. He can be as bitter and dismissive as he wants to be, provided it does not carry over into the professional environment, but once it does, that's his problem, and by extension the building's, not yours. Is the stress of ignoring the situation worse than addressing your concerns? I would pick the path of least resistance.

[Norwood Boy]

I would write a letter to the president of the Coop board.

[Cantabridgienne]

Honestly, between this and your other thread about a different doorman experience, you sound extremely paranoid.