Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I can understand the mindset of people that allow each other to do it as well. Never tried to insinuate that I could not. But it's abstract. I could not, nor would I ever be cool with my wife going out and getting some strange d1ck. Nor would I expect her to be cool with me slaying some randoom p00n. And I promise you that the vast majority of people in this country (and western world for that matter) would not be cool with it. I obviously understand it. I am the one who brought up the notion that men cheat so much. I am in fact a man and understand the desire for variety. I brought up the reality that sex with only one person for the rest of your natural sex lives inevitably loses that spark it once had in that "honeymoon phase" of dating (let's be honest...banging). So yeah, I get it. I'd love to meet your friend's husband who is totally cool with her getting smashed by some stranger. I'd love to sit down and talk to him about it while you ladies are not in the room. Maybe he's out gettin it on the regular too. I know it happens, and I don't not believe that you happen to have two swinger friends. I'm simply saying that it is an anomaly as opposed to even being remotely normal.
Totally understand and let me clarify, I know two friends that have tried it. They went to a club in NYC in Queens I believe (not together). And neither knew the other was into that until we had one of those "what's the freakiest thing you've done" convos. There are a few places here in NYC but not all of them are welcome to black couples. One friend I'm close enough with to and know she's not regularly into it (it was with a live-in BF who she's since broken up with for other reasons) the other was with her long time partner and the reason why I suspect they might do it regularly is that she was in a same sex relationship for a few years before meeting this man. Not saying that bisexual people are more prone to swing but just knowing her, she's very "free love".
Totally understand and let me clarify, I know two friends that have tried it. They went to a club in NYC in Queens I believe (not together). And neither knew the other was into that until we had one of those "what's the freakiest thing you've done" convos. There are a few places here in NYC but not all of them are welcome to black couples. One friend I'm close enough with to and know she's not regularly into it (it was with a live-in BF who she's since broken up with for other reasons) the other was with her long time partner and the reason why I suspect they might do it regularly is that she was in a same sex relationship for a few years before meeting this man. Not saying that bisexual people are more prone to swing but just knowing her, she's very "free love".
Your friend who is no longer with said BF makes me tilt and nod my head to the side as I raise my eyebrow at the screen. Like I'm sayin, known antics like that in a relationship will generally never be in a life long relationship.
Your other friend is one of the anomalies. That she is bisexual only makes more sense. People of that lifestyle are very much more "free love" than hetero folk. Is her long term bf allowed to go out and get it on with other women? Do they have threesomes together?
You drop some real truth with these couple sentences. The only thing I'd change is "business partners" to "best friends". I know what you mean, but that is more appropriate in my eyes.
If you don't date and live with someone for at least a solid 2-3 years before signing documents in front of a judge or saying magical words in front of one of sky daddy's messengers...you're doing yourself a great disservice. You're gonna presumably be spending pretty much every day with this person until one of you bites it. You need to know if you're compatible to that degree. That you can have meaningful conversations and always will be able to. Cause the sex inevitably becomes less exciting as it was when you first started dating. This is true for everybody. I don't care how sexually enlightened or tantric you and your amazing partner are, the "honeymoon phase" goes away. So you'd better be best friends as well.
Being good business partners is very important as I known too many couples bicker over money issues and just different opinions on what to do with the money. My example my bro-law is an extreme saver and my sister is much more spendy while they can work together at times they are at odds over little things such as what to bring to someone's house as a gift to buying a house together and who pays what around the house.
Being life long buddies helps the communication, can you open up and tell your met some embarrassing things? I know some couples that have issues still can't be comfortable about certain embarrassing moments.
And that's the reason why people should explore long term compatibility by dating (exclusively) for a while before entering into to that type of partnership. You start to see contrasts and determine if you're compatible with such contrasts. You can express ultimate intentions early but experience the process and evolution of the relationship to see if that end goal still makes sense.
Also, I question your assumption about the main reason for divorce amongst the well to do. Where did you get that information? Do you have any statistics to back that up? The overal all divorce rate is about 45-50% in the US. And divorce rates are actually lower in higher income couples. I'd be curious, however , to know if divorce rates are higher in places like NYC because of the atmosphere. Also, an interesting sidebar is that divorce rates are lower if the woman is older than 25 at the time of marriage but the lowest divorce rates are when the woman is Asian or Black (and the husband is white). That's getting off topic and probably a discussion for the relationship forum.
The reason why the well to do divorce is over money issues and personalities. Many of them come from the same upbringing and backgrounds but it doesn't translate to life long partners. Expectations are extremely high with affluent folks. Once the wife no longer appeals to the husband sexually the relationship is pretty much done. I have witnessed far too many managers that uses their workplace as a dating service and interview women not only for a job but for either an arrangement or future wife. This is pretty common stuff in NYC.
I wrote years ago that a guy that worked with me was fired because he screwed the secretary of a higher up that wanted to date her. Sad part is I always wonder what does the wives of these bankers do to keep their husbands in check.
Your friend who is no longer with said BF makes me tilt and nod my head to the side as I raise my eyebrow at the screen. Like I'm sayin, known antics like that in a relationship will generally never be in a life long relationship.
Your other friend is one of the anomalies. That she is bisexual only makes more sense. People of that lifestyle are very much more "free love" than hetero folk. Is her long term bf allowed to go out and get it on with other women? Do they have threesomes together?
The couple that are no longer together had a whole lot of issues. For one, they lived together and he couldn't keep a steady job (or worked inconsistently or something like that) so he wasn't contributing to the bills- he basically moved in with her and was freeloading. Then there was this whole drama with his ex wife and their kids had to move in with my friend (with him still not really contributing to the bills). It was a mess. They didn't have a strong relationship to consider being that adventurous as swingers.
Other friend - I really wish I had more details but I don't. It was one of those conversations that got told over brunch during a "haven't seen you girls in ages, let's catch up." Given her bisexual "free love" history, I can only assume it's turned into a regular situation. She told her story first and the other friend fessed up and said she and her ex BF had gone to one too.
Being good business partners is very important as I known too many couples bicker over money issues and just different opinions on what to do with the money. My example my bro-law is an extreme saver and my sister is much more spendy while they can work together at times they are at odds over little things such as what to bring to someone's house as a gift to buying a house together and who pays what around the house.
Being life long buddies helps the communication, can you open up and tell your met some embarrassing things? I know some couples that have issues still can't be comfortable about certain embarrassing moments.
I agree totally. I feel very strongly that it's ultimately a business partnership. Two people are coming together to from a household in which to raise children. Each person has a role and they understand how they are to contribute to the partnership. Obviously, good communication, trust, a close bond, (and in current western POVs, love) contribute to the success, but it's still a business partnership. This is also why I support prenups.
Being "business partners" as it were, is important and I wasn't trying to gloss over it. I'm saying that when a marriage fails, it is cause the two people can't stand each other anymore for a variety of reasons. Not just financial issues, despite what some research may try to say. If two people truly have that unconditional love and that real strong friendship, they make it work despite any financial woes. Couples that break up due to money issues would have for some other reason eventually anyway.
Sometimes you can find non-career motivated implants. People don't come here to start a family, they come here to work and succeed.
Many locals are insane and would not be great wives/gfs for a variety of reasons.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
