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Wow that's harsh. I feel for the OP. Young adults mature at different rates and will make mistakes (as if adults don't make mistakes). I suspect that the ones most likely to graduate college still have their parents looking out for them during the college years.
OP - I would also try to sit down and talk to your parents and express the stress this is causing you. I'd also mention that if you are able to graduate college and get a good job, you'll be in a much better position to help them financially in the future. Unfortunately, I've known some families that are very bottom-line oriented and focused on getting some payback when the kids are adults.
Then I'd go speak to financial aid offices and figure out what you have to do to get back on track. I can say from experience that some of the CUNY financial aid offices are horrible! If you don't get the information you need from one person, ask for the supervisor. Keep asking and don't worry about being a pain. Keep asking questions until you understand and know what you have to do.
About the job - do the best you can. Keep applying, but I'd try to focus most on getting an education and reaching an understanding with your parents to take the pressure off. Good luck.
OK, maybe a bit harsh, but I just raised a kid and she got through college without losing track of the costs, and so that's what I was going by. Never once did I fill out an application for her to apply for school or apply for financial aid (although I did take out loans for what was beyond the limits of what she was able to get through financial aid because I had no opportunity to save when she was younger). She did all that on her own.
However, it also sounds as if there is a big chunk of the story missing, doesn't it. The parents just upped and decided to make this poor innocent child start paying household expenses for NO REASON AT ALL? Doesn't sound plausible.
The ones most likely to graduate college are the ones who are going to take responsibility for themselves. Managing the costs of your college and your financial aid is the most basic place to start. If you can't be bothered to make that effort, perhaps college is not for you. Or maybe just not at this time. Perhaps work experience first would be a good choice. As you point out, some people don't mature as quickly as others. Perhaps that's what the parents are trying to effectuate.
Must agree. I work with all kinds of students every day.
I had the same response after reading the second line of the post.
Passive voice constructions are always a red flag.
And anyone reading this:
I recently lost most of the hours at my job because the people at my job complained that they needed more hours because their bills increased. The boss decided that I was the least important employee and cut my hours from 36 to 7.
knows it's a crock. Bosses do not cut the hours of good employees because other people at the job complained that their bills increased. C'mon. That's NOT what happened.
Choosing to be honest going forward--with oneself as well as others--will help toward maturity, too.
I recently lost most of the hours at my job because the people at my job complained that they needed more hours because their bills increased. The boss decided that I was the least important employee and cut my hours from 36 to 7.
knows it's a crock. Bosses do not cut the hours of good employees because other people at the job complained that their bills increased. C'mon. That's NOT what happened.
Choosing to be honest going forward--with oneself as well as others--will help toward maturity, too.
I also know from experience that a central reason financial aid gets "messed up" - lack of acceptable academic progress. If you fail courses you will be required to foot the bill until you redeem yourself.
OK, maybe a bit harsh, but I just raised a kid and she got through college without losing track of the costs, and so that's what I was going by. Never once did I fill out an application for her to apply for school or apply for financial aid (although I did take out loans for what was beyond the limits of what she was able to get through financial aid because I had no opportunity to save when she was younger). She did all that on her own.
However, it also sounds as if there is a big chunk of the story missing, doesn't it. The parents just upped and decided to make this poor innocent child start paying household expenses for NO REASON AT ALL? Doesn't sound plausible.
The ones most likely to graduate college are the ones who are going to take responsibility for themselves. Managing the costs of your college and your financial aid is the most basic place to start. If you can't be bothered to make that effort, perhaps college is not for you. Or maybe just not at this time. Perhaps work experience first would be a good choice. As you point out, some people don't mature as quickly as others. Perhaps that's what the parents are trying to effectuate.
That's great for your daughter, but I always cringe when I hear that argument (I did xy & z so why can't you). Not everyone is like you and your family. There is an enormous correlation between socio-economic background and degree completion (even after acceptance to college). It's ridiculous to argue that this is all about personal responsibility (unless you think that wealthier college students are simply more responsible than their peers). Anyway, the guy said that he said that he messed up--I don't see the need for shaming.
About parents - believe me, there are all kinds. I have someone in my life who has a parent who is all about the money, and has been since he was out of high school. Again, you can't assume that your experience is universal.
That's great for your daughter, but I always cringe when I hear that argument (I did xy & z so why can't you). Not everyone is like you and your family. There is an enormous correlation between socio-economic background and degree completion (even after acceptance to college). It's ridiculous to argue that this is all about personal responsibility (unless you think that wealthier college students are simply more responsible than their peers). Anyway, the guy said that he said that he messed up--I don't see the need for shaming.
About parents - believe me, there are all kinds. I have someone in my life who has a parent who is all about the money, and has been since he was out of high school. Again, you can't assume that your experience is universal.
That wasn't my argument that I did this and so. I didn't do anything. My daughter took care of her own school business, so I kind of thought that's how it works and I specifically said that's what I was going by. I don't have a college degree so I have no experience with the particulars, but it seems to me that someone who is ready for college can easily handle basic paperwork. Hence my remark that the OP might not be ready.
Don't get your point about being wealthy. I certainly am not--a divorced mom who raised her kid with unreliable child support. I'll be paying those loans for the next ten years.
There was no shaming offered. The OP asked what to do. My response is that DECIDING to practice honesty and responsibility is the place to begin, and I stand by that statement. It is a decision he can make--or not--regardless of what type of parents he's got. Wildly waving arms around to point at people to blame is useless. He needs to move forward. Some people on this thread have offered good suggestions.
Last edited by Mightyqueen801; 02-03-2016 at 02:41 PM..
That wasn't my argument that I did this and so. I didn't do anything. My daughter took care of her own school business, so I kind of thought that's how it works and I specifically said that's what I was going by. I don't have a college degree so I have no experience with the particulars, but it seems to me that someone who is ready for college can easily handle basic paperwork. Hence my remark that the OP might not be ready.
Don't get your point about being wealthy. I certainly am not--a divorced mom who raised her kid with unreliable child support. I'll be paying those loans for the next ten years.
There was no shaming offered. The OP asked what to do. My response is that DECIDING to practice honesty and responsibility is the place to begin, and I stand by that statement. It is a decision he can make--or not--regardless of what type of parents he's got. Wildly waving arms around to point at people to blame is useless. He needs to move forward. Some people on this thread have offered good suggestions.
I wasn't referring to you specifically when I said that there is a strong correlation between socio-economic status and degree completion. Nor did I mean to imply that you are wealthy. I was saying that parental support is important and that it's not unusual for young adults to have difficulty jumping through all the necessary hoops keeping up with all the paperwork associated with financial aid etc. (This was in reference to your comment that "the students most likely to graduate college are the ones who are going to take responsibility for themselves".) Actually, the ones most likely to graduate have parental support.
Great that your daughter could handle everything on her own--she's very responsible. But not everyone that age is like your daughter, and the majority of young adults without parental support don't complete college unfortunately.
Yes, the poster needs to fix the problem himself - that was my advice too. But I sympathize.
Last edited by yodel; 02-03-2016 at 04:44 PM..
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