Relationship with siblings (person, member, brother, sister)
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This weekend I'm going to pick up my brother in Kansas, a small town out there, but is not able to find suitable work.
So I asked him if he would like to come and stay with me while he gets on his feet out here.
My brother took up my offer.
I have 4 older brothers, this one right here would be there for you with no questions asked and has helped me out when I needed it.
My other brother is somewhat upset, because he asked if he could previously live with me, and I said no. The reason why I said no was because he dont like to pay bills or work and just likes to mooch off people.
Does anyone have a sibling who has no matter what dont understand the charity plate is broken for them?
I did tell my brother he can have dinner ready for me when I get home from work until he gets a job..lol.
How do you set limits for family members?
I just say no when I know Im being used.
And this is why I don't miss having siblings.. LOL I don't blame you though and you sound like a smart girl. I would have said no to the mooch brother and yes to the more responsible one too. If your other brother has a problem oh well, he'll get over it.
Good for you for helping out the one and helping him get on his feet.
This weekend I'm going to pick up my brother in Kansas, a small town out there, but is not able to find suitable work.
So I asked him if he would like to come and stay with me while he gets on his feet out here.
My brother took up my offer.
I have 4 older brothers, this one right here would be there for you with no questions asked and has helped me out when I needed it.
My other brother is somewhat upset, because he asked if he could previously live with me, and I said no. The reason why I said no was because he dont like to pay bills or work and just likes to mooch off people. Does anyone have a sibling who has no matter what dont understand the charity plate is broken for them?
I did tell my brother he can have dinner ready for me when I get home from work until he gets a job..lol.
How do you set limits for family members?
I just say no when I know Im being used.
Yes, I know *exactly* what you mean (I myself have a sibling *and* a dependent parent, who are on the financial gravy train, here)...and saying "No" to them, while I have done so before, isn't a pleasant experience by any means
How do I set limits with them? With a firm "No". "No" means "No" (which they don't always get or understand for some reason, either).
Yes, I know *exactly* what you mean (I myself have a sibling *and* a dependent parent, who are on the financial gravy train, here)...and saying "No" to them, while I have done so before, isn't a pleasant experience by any means
How do I set limits with them? With a firm "No". "No" means "No" (which they don't always get or understand for some reason, either).
lol..We've been called money hungry when we ask for the money back that we have loaned out...to the moocher brother
Siblings are people like anyone else. "Blood" connections (and responsibilities) don't ring in their heads like we would like sometimes. Maybe we watched too many Brady Bunch and Partridge Family episodes as kids, when in reality there are more families in America like Rosanne's and The Simpsons.
I feel somewhat lucky in that my family are almost quite literally, Vulcans. Pretty cool emotionally, and while we do connect and stay in contact on a basic level, I haven't physically seen any of my siblings in years and am ok with it. At the same time, we don't share "drama", either.
By contrast, my best friend's family would cause me to jump off of a bridge. He has one responsible Brother who has a job, family, good work ethic, etc. His younger Brother would steal anything from your house if you allowed him in the door and hasn't held a job longer than 3 days in his 38 years of existance. His Sister regularly has her utilities shut off due to nonpayment and tries to bum money off of him, though she strangely always has the money to party . He would not hesitate to allow Brother # 1 to live with him should hard times warrant a need for it - he would not however, allow Brother # 2 or the Sister to move in with him because they would be moochers and take advantage of the situation in a huge way.
There is not politically correct way to handle situations like that - you simply tell them like it is. The responsible Brother "gets in", the irresponsible one gets a "no", and you tell him why. Will he grow/learn from that answer? Probably not. But don't stress over it - it's his personal demons that raise a red flag to keep you from taking that one in, and the other one's considerate behavior that allows him to get help from you. If he flakes out once he's in, give notice like you would a roommate and "boot".
Everytime I've lent a certain sibling money, it has ended very badly for me. One time I almost died as a result of me not having enough money for myself and having to get odd jobs for cash - a very long story and not a very direct causation, but still associated with bad memories linked to having lent out money to said sibling rather than keeping it for myself.
Any friend I've ever lent money to is no longer my friend today. From now on my policy is - no doing business or lending money to family or friends.
I "loan" money to one of my sisters every now and again but I never expect to get it back. I don't mind at all as it is always an extreme circumstance in which help is needed; I live alone with no dependents so I have the ability to help out. That's what family is for, at least that's the case in my family. That said, if I felt one was a loser who was just begging for cash out of laziness, I'd probably have a different opinion.
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. He would not hesitate to allow Brother # 1 to live with him should hard times warrant a need for it - he would not however, allow Brother # 2 or the Sister to move in with him because they would be moochers and take advantage of the situation in a huge way.
You are "loaning money", to them. 
