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My dad was diagnosed with colon cancer back in January. He had surgery and they removed some of the cancer but could not get it all. He has had 6 treatments of chemo and depending on what his last scan shows, he might be receiving some radiation as well before they perform surgery again to remove the rest of it. My dad is 71 and this is the first time he has ever been sick with anything. He has always been a strong and healthy person.
Anyway, I recently moved back home with my parents to help out around the house and in case they could not cure him of the disease. The doctors told him he needed to quit smoking because even though it might not have been the main cause, it was definitely a contributor. They explained to him that smoking works against chemo and radiation.
Has he quit? No. He has slowed down some but shows no sign of quitting completely. He would also drink 2-3 beers on friday and saturday night knowing it could cause a reaction with the chemo. He has always drank a few beers when grilling out on the weekend. Which I honestly don't have a problem with, but he was drinking even on the chemo.
The point of thread: I get so angry with him because of this. I've explained to him again and again my thoughts and feelings of the situation and everytime he says hes going to quit. But he doesn't. Everytime he lights a cigarette it just sparks a fire inside me and I just have to leave the room. Afterwards I feel so guilty and I can already feel depression knocking on my door. I feel like sometimes he has already given up even though the doctors say he does have a chance to get it cured.
My question: Would you continue to talk to him to try to get him to quit even though it aggravates him or would you just accept it and move on?
This is a really difficult question to answer for me.
On one hand you have his best interests at heart. I can completely understand why you get mad and irritated at him. One the other hand, he is an adult. His doctors have informed him of the risks and he has chosen to take that risk. He knows how you feel and do you really want to argue with him on a daily basis?
I have gone through similar things with my parents and grandparents, although not exactly this situation. By the time you've reached 71, you've pretty much decided how you want to spend your days. And truly, to make it to 71 without ever having major health issues before is a gift. Not everyone makes it there.
I don't think you're going to change your dad's mind. He knows the risks. The doctors have explained them. He knows what he is doing and he is choosing to do it anyway. I would still try to spend time with him. Maybe ask him not to smoke when you're there for your health (because it is a risk.) But in the end, if you choose to stay away in his final years or months, I think you'll regret it later. I'm sorry. I know there isn't a perfect solution.
Your Dad has enough on his plate to deal with...the last thing he needs is you nagging at him about something he already knows.Just love him, and give him any support he needs
Your Dad has enough on his plate to deal with...the last thing he needs is you nagging at him about something he already knows.Just love him, and give him any support he needs
Your Dad has enough on his plate to deal with...the last thing he needs is you nagging at him about something he already knows.Just love him, and give him any support he needs
I agree with this statement. I wouldn't say anything more and just help out and love him and see what happens. If he's cutting down on smoking then he's trying to quit. Nagging him isn't helping.
Your Dad has enough on his plate to deal with...the last thing he needs is you nagging at him about something he already knows.Just love him, and give him any support he needs
There's not a single poster above I don't agree with. Life is too short - as you're finding out - why let your last memories of your father be of the two of you having dissension marring it. He will stop smoking when/if he decides. Your nagging will not help him, only make it uncomfortable for both of you.
Cherish these moments with him. My mother went in for back surgery and the day she was to be released for therapy, had a massive CI. I didn't get a chance to say good-bye or to spend much time with her.
Enjoy your Dad. Enjoy his company. Don't be around him when he smokes but don't condemn him. It's an extremely difficult habit to quit.
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