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From my experiences with male friends and coworkers, it seemed many of them were extremely concerned with appearing "manly". They would even go so far as to mock other men who did things which they didn't consider manly enough (like vegetarianism). Some of this mockery was just good-natured ribbing, like when I started biking to work instead of driving, or the fact that I ate very little meat and absolutely no steak (I can't stand it), or the fact that I couldn't care less about sports. They'd crack jokes but they didn't seem to mean any harm by it; we were always joking like that with each other. But many times I witnessed them truly mocking other men, out of earshot, who weren't up to their "standards". I once heard two of them discussing the best ways to sit in a chair in order to prevent appearing "gay". Sometimes they almost seemed obsessed with coming across as manly in the eyes of other men.
Well personally, I couldn't understand this. I mean sure, when I was maybe seven or eight years old all the boys wanted to look tough (me included), but we were just kids. I stopped thinking that way a long time ago, and I would have assumed others did, too. My coworkers seemed to have this incredible fear that someone might think they were not manly, or even worse (to them) homosexual. Is this normal? Am I the weird one? (I mean, I know I'm weird, but am I weird in this way, too? )
No. The "manly" man is either intolerant, or too stupid to be taken seriously by anyone. This goes for the women that think men should be manly as well.
I'm over trying to impress people, it's only made me look like an idiot. I'm a well rounded person, and that may cause people to think I'm less manly, but I would rather be smart, aware, and clean cut than an apish brute.
I am not a vegetarian, But I am not an avid watcher of football and baseball (I like boxing) and sometimes I get remarks on that of surprise. As long as the women see me as "manly" (can protect and provide for them) why would I care?
I would think "manliness" denotes more then this above though. A man should be willing to go the distance* (No pun here) in life and be a source of support for his friends and family in hard times. Also being a gentleman I think goes a long way, With good manners shown. I learned this from my grandmother, God rest her soul. I think we can learn a lot from our older adult population in my opinion.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lamplight
This crossed my mind after seeing fleetiebelle's post in another thread:
From my experiences with male friends and coworkers, it seemed many of them were extremely concerned with appearing "manly". They would even go so far as to mock other men who did things which they didn't consider manly enough (like vegetarianism). Some of this mockery was just good-natured ribbing, like when I started biking to work instead of driving, or the fact that I ate very little meat and absolutely no steak (I can't stand it), or the fact that I couldn't care less about sports. They'd crack jokes but they didn't seem to mean any harm by it; we were always joking like that with each other. But many times I witnessed them truly mocking other men, out of earshot, who weren't up to their "standards". I once heard two of them discussing the best ways to sit in a chair in order to prevent appearing "gay". Sometimes they almost seemed obsessed with coming across as manly in the eyes of other men.
Well personally, I couldn't understand this. I mean sure, when I was maybe seven or eight years old all the boys wanted to look tough (me included), but we were just kids. I stopped thinking that way a long time ago, and I would have assumed others did, too. My coworkers seemed to have this incredible fear that someone might think they were not manly, or even worse (to them) homosexual. Is this normal? Am I the weird one? (I mean, I know I'm weird, but am I weird in this way, too? )
I don't really care if others think I'm manly. My definition of MANLY is being secure with yourself as a human being and knowing what you will allow and knowing what you don't want in your life and taking the action to make it happen. A man does not care if others think he is manly, only think he cares about is if he is progressing every day into becoming a good man.
I dont care what any other man thinks of me. I am supremely confident with myself and my abilities mentally, spiritually, and physically. With supreme confidence one can care less about what others think of him. Those who do care are ego maniacs, self conscious, unsure of themselves and cowards.
Here's the deal. American men are really obsessed with this kind of stuff. For one thing, even in this day and age, the workplace, depending on the culture, dislikes single unmarried men. Guys with 2 messy divorces under their belt and kids from both marriages are viewed in a better light, it seems. Married guys think that single men are irresponsible and "less than them." There are studies which show they are less likely to be promoted and make 89 to 95 cents on the dollar as their married counterpart, for the same job. Just like I once recounted the story of a (married) man who kept getting passed up for a promotion in the police department because he didn't have the "right look," he got his promotion once he got a chin implant. The same thing can happen when a guy gets married - surprise, you have a promotion.
The part about how to sit and cross your legs is funny. That is correct. The "real" man crosses his legs the way a beer drinker in a tavern would. I'm being funny. The reality is that, in an executive portrait, men are supposed to, and often do, cross their legs at the knees. I remember that I began seeing that in grad school and a girl who had done her BA at Auburn (in Alabama) noted that it just didn't "seem right" to her. I think that, by now, she has gotten used to it.
I always wondered to myself: how is watching a bunch of muscular guys play sports inherently manly? I'd much rather go ride 50 miles and then spend 3 hours at the gym.
How is eating meat that some other guy killed, skinned, gutted, boned, sectioned, shipped, and sold any more manly than eating vegetables?
Coming from the standpoint of someone who embodies a lot of traditionally "manly" traits, like being a car nut who does his own engine work and cares way more about 0-60 times than MPG, owns guns, will verbally shut down someone who needs to be shut down, works out a ton, plays guitar, likes building stuff, etc., but who also is a strict vegetarian, left-leaning liberal who dresses nice and drinks microbrews, most of the guys who really get absorbed into the whole "manliness litmus test" thing are:
- insecure
- trying to compensate for personal failings, sexual or otherwise
- ashamed of themselves
- seek to disparage others' "manliness" as a cover to their lack thereof
- etc.
How wonderfully refreshing to see so many guys who don't see the need to be tough in front of their friends.
There are some great guys here
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Sometimes they almost seemed obsessed with coming across as manly in the eyes of other men.
)
I don't care.
in life and be a source of support for his friends and family in hard times. Also being a gentleman I think goes a long way, With good manners shown. I learned this from my grandmother, God rest her soul. I think we can learn a lot from our older adult population in my opinion.
