My friend was a mistress (wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, husband)
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A long time friend was a mistress for 9 months to a married man with 4 young kids. I told her not to go out with him and she knew I was against it. He just dumped my friend and now she's texting me about how sad she is, I want to be there as her friend but I really want to say "I told you so!" I don't feel sorry for her, does that make me a bad friend? I'm glad they're not together anymore.
It's not wrong of you. Even if you love someone, it doesn't mean you need to feel horrid when they reap what they have blatantly sown. My own brother was with a girl for 5-6 years, was his fiance. She discovered he'd been cheating on her, and attacked him. She didn't cause any serious harm, but he had to fight her off enough to get out of her apartment and call home for my mother to come get him. Neither of is felt too sorry for him. Glad he's ok, but the situation he created.
I mean, did your friend expect this guy to love and possibly leave his wife for her? if so, she was naive, to the point of stupidity.
You just need to reply "What do you want me to say?" or "I hope you learned your lesson" Does no good when you try to tell someone something, they ignore or snub you, now they wanna whine to you when things go sour.
You don't have to reply at all.
A girl I know is a mistress of 2 years to a guy with a girlfriend. She knew he was a cheater when she met him and he wanted to hook up. Now 2 years later she's sad and pissed because he still wants sex and nothing else from her, and he isn't respectful about it. But I don't have sympathy for her when she knew what kind of guy he was from the start but chose to ignore it, thinking she'd be special to him and be able to get him to leave his girlfriend.
Usually, men don't leave their SO for a mistress, and the times it does happen is more an exception that the rule. Usually the mistress is a side dish. Different face and different sex from the wife or girlfriend. And after a while, they get bored and dump the mistress, provided they don't get caught or possible get her pregnant. So women who knowingly sign on for that are asking for trouble.
No real need to respond if you don't want to but no need to tell her "I told you so" either.
Let her text out her sorrow, give the obligatory "that's too bad, I hope you feel better soon" and leave it at that.
He had her convinced he served his wife divorce papers which she never saw, she was in denial. She always talked about what a fool his wife was and I actually felt sorry for the wife and the young kids, and started to question what kind of friend I have in this person. She chased after him and started telling him "Your wife doesn't deserve you, I can make you happy" THen he dumped her by voicemail.
He had her convinced he served his wife divorce papers which she never saw, she was in denial. She always talked about what a fool his wife was and I actually felt sorry for the wife and the young kids, and started to question what kind of friend I have in this person. She chased after him and started telling him "Your wife doesn't deserve you, I can make you happy" THen he dumped her by voicemail.
Ok, apparently your friend was thinking he was on his way out. So that is a tad better. But still naive. because about to divorce, and separated isn't single. So when guys or women pull that line, you still need to avoid them until a divorce is final and proof is shown.
So, your friend seemed more naive / sheltered maybe.
and i'm the homewrecker's friend so what does that make me? If she can do that, what else is she capable of? I don't know if I want to stay friends or not.
and i'm the homewrecker's friend so what does that make me? If she can do that, what else is she capable of? I don't know if I want to stay friends or not.
Well, depends on how close you feel the friendship is. Some people can be completely low-down but still loyal to one another. Like criminals, in some case who can mean each other no harm, but doesn't mean they won't harm others lol Sociopaths, I think. They can screw over others they aren't close to, but mean no harm toward someone who manages to become a friend, and/or family.
But you have to decide for yourself. I can understand you feeling worried. You may think, "what if she goes after my boyfriend or husband next." So if you really can't trust her, and will always be watching, waiting for, or have in your mind that she's gonna mess you over, probably is best to end the friendship. But only you can decide.
and i'm the homewrecker's friend so what does that make me? If she can do that, what else is she capable of? I don't know if I want to stay friends or not.
So don't stay friends with her if you disapprove of her so much.
However you might want to think about things from her point of view. She made a bad decision, and who knows why she pursued this man. Maybe she didn't know he was married when she met him. Maybe he lied to her about his status. It certainly sounds like he led her to believe he was serious about her.
I have been in a similar situation a long time ago now (although the guy wasn't married) and all of my friends were supportive and there for me when I needed them. Not one of them told me anything harsh like you've written here and I am positive they didn't think those things either.
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