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Sorry--I don't think it's fair to ask someone to forfeit their own sexual freedom--quite an important thing--for the sake of someone else's marriage and family.
Well by that logic, rape should be allowed. If someone wants sex, they should be free to force it on someone, long as they get what they want, who cares they the victim feels about it. Sexual freedom to sleep with whomever you want, with no denying allowed.
Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 26 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,360,802 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by masmartbottom
I don't understand why people are calling her "homewrecker" when it's the GUY who is the homewrecker. HE is the one who wrecked the home. HE is the one who wrecked the marriage. She's just the one he chose to do it with.
Why do people always blame the other woman? So dumb.
Because when the guy does get caught he will typically blame the "other" woman. Thats my guess.
Quote:
Originally Posted by G0DDESS
It takes two to tango, baby.. you're right.
On a side note, to anyone pointing a finger at me: refer back to masmartbottom's comment. The men are typically the ones who come to us other women (most of the time with plenty to offer.. their services, respect, gifts, pleasure, money), it isn't the other way around. If your husband wants something else besides you, he will find it one way or another. Whether it costs him or not. Whether you know about it or not.
Men can be quite good at hiding their second lives behind wifey's back... tsk tsk..
I'm not a fan of infidelity in general but I understand that one size does not fit all. Your friend played with fire and got burned. There are many different reasons why people cheat. Some people also have open marriages. Some women don't like sex and look the other way when their men cheat. Some men are selfish amoral dogs. We will never know why that married man cheated on his wife with your friend. Your friend was with him because of biology 101 and couldn't or didn't want to resist the urge. Does that make her total scum? Only you can answer that question. It does make her human and although it wasn't the smartest move she made it was between her and her partner. Not you, her and her partner. A true friend stands by you even if you make the mistake of the century. If your friend hasn't grown from the mistake and continues down another self destructive path by all means draw that line in the sand. Until then try to guide her down a better path. That's what real friends do.
^^This. I used to be like many of the "EGADS! They both should be stoned to death!" folks in here while clutching my pearls. I STILL find infidelity distasteful - I'm kind of like, "If you want variety, just leave" - but now that I'm older and wiser, I've realized - MOST men cheat. Most powerful men cheat. Most burger-flipping men cheat. Most middle-class men cheat. That's just what they do. And as quiet as it's kept, a WHOOOOLE lot more women cheat than I originally realized. If you're going to de-friend or think poorly of EVERYBODY who is cheating, be prepared to interact with VERY few people. My best friend in this world has cheated on her husband multiple times. And he on her. They are still together. That is THEIR business and they have their reasons. I stay out of it. She is NOT a bad person, or else we wouldn't have been friends for more than a decade.
Honestly, my expectations for men's behavior is very, very low. Most marriages are sort of a joke. MANY wives KNOW their husbands are stepping out and either don't give a crap or are resigned. Many stay and tolerate the cheating - in MY opinion THEY are being fools and making poor choices as well for staying and putting up with that.
I'd tell my friend something like "I'm really sorry you're hurting. I hope you feel better. In the future, if you choose to date a married man you have to be aware of the potential consequences" or something like that. I'd be done with the matter after that.
Well by that logic, rape should be allowed. If someone wants sex, they should be free to force it on someone, long as they get what they want, who cares they the victim feels about it. Sexual freedom to sleep with whomever you want, with no denying allowed.
Ridiculous comparison. Rape fundamentally violates the rights of another person in one of the most egregious ways possible. What right does a person have to not have someone else do something that could hurt their feelings or threaten their marriage?
Ridiculous comparison. Rape fundamentally violates the rights of another person in one of the most egregious ways possible. What right does a person have to not have someone else do something that could hurt their feelings or threaten their marriage?
The thing is though, many people who talk about marriage being ruined, are thinking of that person's feelings. Cheating can be very emotionally damaging for some. Hell, some people have raged and killed their spouses for cheating. It's a risky game to play, but also a selfish one because the other man, or woman, is assisting in hurting someone should the truth come out. So, why be callous and to not care that you are helping someone cause that kind of emotional distress.
The person cheating is more responsible. They are the ones in the relationship. But as the other man, or woman, they're an accomplice.
So really, if people are that selfish, then nobody should have rights to anything, because everyone should be free to do as they please since the other person's feelings and well being doesn't matter, long as they get what they want at the time.
Sex, drugs, life, death, etc. Selfishness can be the smallest of things, such as lying about being sick to avoid work or helping a friend, or big as murder or rape. Fundamentally, it all boils down to lack of empathy toward other people and pure selfishness motivated by one's own desire to have and get what they please.
Cheaters, and the ones who are knowingly helping with the cheating are motivated by pure selfishness and their own hedonism. Thus that's why some talk about it being morally wrong. That's why some may be more vocal or defensive toward the parties involved. That's why some thinks it shows low character.
Everyone will have selfish moments, like the small things I mentioned. but there's a point where it stops being moments and becomes so frequent, and a party so indifferent to how they affect others, to the point it's basically the make up of their entire character. They want what they want, and do not care if they hurt or run over others doing it, and even see it as fun or fine, because it isn't bothering them.
The thing is though, many people who talk about marriage being ruined, are thinking of that person's feelings. Cheating can be very emotionally damaging for some. Hell, some people have raged and killed their spouses for cheating. It's a risky game to play, but also a selfish one because the other man, or woman, is assisting in hurting someone should the truth come out. So, why be callous and to not care that you are helping someone cause that kind of emotional distress.
The person cheating is more responsible. They are the ones in the relationship. But as the other man, or woman, they're an accomplice.
So really, if people are that selfish, then nobody should have rights to anything, because everyone should be free to do as they please since the other person's feelings and well being doesn't matter, long as they get what they want at the time.
Sex, drugs, life, death, etc. Selfishness can be the smallest of things, such as lying about being sick to avoid work or helping a friend, or big as murder or rape. Fundamentally, it all boils down to lack of empathy toward other people and pure selfishness motivated by one's own desire to have and get what they please.
Cheaters, and the ones who are knowingly helping with the cheating are motivated by pure selfishness and their own hedonism. Thus that's why some talk about it being morally wrong. That's why some may be more vocal or defensive toward the parties involved. That's why some thinks it shows low character.
Everyone will have selfish moments, like the small things I mentioned. but there's a point where it stops being moments and becomes frequent enough to the point it's basically the make up of someone's entire character.
By your logic, it should be considered wrong to dump or divorce someone unless they give you permission, since that can be very "emotionally damaging" too. Sorry, I reject that kind of reasoning.
And I think you give those who get worked up about this issue far too much credit. I think their attitudes are mainly due to fear and jealousy, not high principle.
Sorry--I don't think it's fair to ask someone to forfeit their own sexual freedom--quite an important thing--for the sake of someone else's marriage and family.
And by the way--dogma doesn't have to be religious in nature.
Would you feel the same way about my freedom to pilfer all your money? It is a biological imperative.
Frankly, I find the ways people couch their terrible behavior as forms of enlightenment to be intensely amusing.
By your logic, it should be considered wrong to dump or divorce someone unless they give you permission, since that can be very "emotionally damaging" too. Sorry, I reject that kind of reasoning.
And I think you give those who get worked up about this issue far too much credit. I think their attitudes are mainly due to fear and jealousy, not high principle.
You don't convey having a fundamental standard of right and wrong. Anything goes as long as it's all good for YOU, huh?
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