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Every adult without brain damage should have a few socially acceptable words, phrases and actions in their arsenal so they don't come across and complete dolts. Everyone should display simple manners AND know how to excuse themselves politely. I mean, it's not rocket science.
I do have a small talk pet peeve. The oversharers. I tend to get the people that tell me way way too much about their personal lives. No, I just met you in line, I do not care about your divorce, pregnant 15 year-old, your drug addict little brother....
Yes, I know. We are careful what we post, by way of personal identifying information on forums such as this, and here is that person on line next to you giving her entire personal history.
Naive or young maybe, or else old and without class. I know class is a passe word, but yes, there are those who would benefit from studying its meaning more closely.
Maybe it's a self respect issue?
Some people are so embroiled in their own problems and have no one to get advice from. I guess that's sad and we should feel for them.
I can't read through the whole thread right now, but it sounds like a little bit of a mental health issue maybe. I used to have trouble responding to small talk from strangers because of my ADD - I didn't know I had it, and getting my brain to switch gears so I could respond was a major effort on my part. But once I knew what was wrong, I was able to train my brain to respond more quickly to social cues.
But to find people who are seeking connections rude... that's just very harsh and isolating. Does this strangeness lap over into other parts of your lives together? I mean, I'm basically a loner, but I do appreciate the sentiment behind small talk. I don't see it as an inherently hostile or rude intrusion.
LMAO, thats what I deal with, people, why do you insist on telling me your whole life?
Hehehe. Unfortunately, this has been happening to me since I was a teen. :P I have not idea why. DO you see the sign on my head that tells you to do this? I wish it I could claim it was only happening at the bar. Or when people are drunk. But nope, it happens in the middle of the day, on the bus, at the coffee shop.....
I lived most of my life in the Northeast and have been down south for 8 years now. I really like the chattiness of southerners and it sure beats the stuck up coldness I was used to up north. I can remember cashiers who rang up your items, turned the screen of the total toward you and took your money without saying a word. Chatting with a complete stranger always makes me feel good for some reason.
I am apparently unique. I get chatty strangers almost everywhere. Even in the northeast. And unfriendly Seattle. I can never be really sure about their intents in the northeast. I just kinda roll with it.
Interestingly, I find people in my home state of New Jersey to be very chatty. Anytime I'd go to the diner and sit at the counter or hit the laundromat, I'd end up in an involved conversation with a total stranger. Now that I've moved out West, strangers aren't so cuddly. Hm.
Hehehe. Unfortunately, this has been happening to me since I was a teen. :P I have not idea why. DO you see the sign on my head that tells you to do this? I wish it I could claim it was only happening at the bar. Or when people are drunk. But nope, it happens in the middle of the day, on the bus, at the coffee shop.....
Your natural demeanor may appear to be friendly and open and trustworthy. It's probably a complement to you, really.
I think women are more approachable and do more approaching than do men.
Interestingly, I find people in my home state of New Jersey to be very chatty. Anytime I'd go to the diner and sit at the counter or hit the laundromat, I'd end up in an involved conversation with a total stranger. Now that I've moved out West, strangers aren't so cuddly. Hm.
I agree. The common thought, I believe, is that the east is relatively closed and people in the west are friendly. I find many westerners cold and clannish, but maybe it depends on how far west you go.
I was raised in the South (Texas), and we were taught that it was rude to not speak to people, especially if they spoke to you first. I mean, you don't have to have a full blown conversation with everyone but at least give the acknowledgement of their presence. But of course, there are the exceptions to who you speak to, as others have mentioned.
To the OP, don't let your wife ever go to Oklahoma. The friendliness here would kill her. The people here are extremely friendly, and people everywhere will start conversations with you. They don't want to be your best friend. They just want to be pleasant and friendly. It is very common here for people to start a conversation while grocery shopping, or waiting in line.
Just this weekend, we were out to dinner, and while waiting in line for a table, we struck up a conversation with the family in front of us. It wasn't that we were trying to get personal, we happen overhear them discussing a small city we used to live in, and that my husband still travels to on business. They had apparently lived in the same town, and were wondering out loud if a particular restaurant was still there. Because my husband had just been there, he knew the answer, so we started what turned out to be a great conversation with these people, which made the waiting time past more quickly.
My one exception is when I'm on an airplane, but even then, I would never just ignore someone. I will acknowledge the person next to me with a smile and a nod. If they start a conversation, I will sometimes become engaged, and if I don't want to talk to them, I either put on my headphones and turn my music up, read a magazine, or just close my eyes, and pretend to sleep.
Interestingly, I find people in my home state of New Jersey to be very chatty. Anytime I'd go to the diner and sit at the counter or hit the laundromat, I'd end up in an involved conversation with a total stranger. Now that I've moved out West, strangers aren't so cuddly. Hm.
Very true. I am painting with a broad brush here, but people in the western US are less outgoing. They're more polite, and I actually want to say people out here are more friendly, just less likely to start a conversation with random people at any time. This seems to be the case for most of the upper Midwest and the northeast.
In Wisconsin, for example, it's very normal for random people to talk to you while waiting to check out at the grocery store or anywhere else you would stand in line for something. If you have more than 1 minute of conversation you might hear their entire life's story. Then, after you just make this nice, apparently friendly connection with someone, they'll slam the door in your face on the way out of the store, then they'll run you over in the parking lot. That's what I mean when I say there is a difference between "outgoing" and "friendly". In the Midwest it's referred to as "Minnesota Nice".
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