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My d-I-l is from The Philippines and when she first arrived she eas a little shocked to see how accepted GLBT folks are here. Her country is more liberal than Russia! She had never known anyone who was GLBT (that she knew of) and was uneasy at first. She's long over that. I say this only as info on how someone fromm a more liberal country reacted.
As a parent I would prefer you told me in person, but towards the end of my trip. If not then hand me a written letter explaining everything for me to read on my way back. That's just my opinion.
I believe that is the best approach. A best approach would be to come out to him towards the end of his trip.
Like the others I personally wouldn't care...my child's happiness is most important.
(Safe for me to say now because I'm already a granny)
But I would want to be told in person....at the beginning. Can you pick him up from the airport by yourself and take him to a place where you can talk?
I just feel that it's not fair to anyone to live a lie his entire trip. You and your partner will be on pins and needles the whole time worrying about saying something wrong.
Sadly there's not much you can do about his reaction. I hope and pray that he loves you enough to accept you as you are.
1. Parents always know. They might not tell you, but they know; 9, 19, 39, 69 whtever age, they know.
2. be honest about yourself. it's not the end of the world. Integrity speaks volumes.
3. If one can't be honest with their parents, what is the point? Your step parents know, why not your biological ones?
4. The greatest gift a parent can have is knowing their child is happy, and true to themselves.
5. Good luck and be yourself.
Thanks everyone. I will ask my mother, she's on vacation so I hadn't had a chance to speak to her yet. My mother's biggest concern when I told her was "what do I tell others, what will they think?" I wonder if born and raised American parents have this as their first consideration, but I think it might be a Russian thing. Everyone is so nosy over there and not to mention years behind the US in progressive thinking, whether it's GLBT issues, interracial couples, etc. It took my mother some time, but she sees how happy I am now and is fine with everything. She was concerned about the grandkids too, but why can't she have them? Medicine has advanced a long way Anyway, with my father only being here 2 weeks, it will not give him time to adjust, which is one reason I'm thinking to not say anything.
My GF obviously would have it different, but she understands. If the tables were turned and she had some relative coming around for 2 weeks and we needed to pretend, I would be fine with that in this stage of our relationship and having learned a lot more about people's perceptions.
On the other hand, part of me is frustrated with this whole thing - why do I have to change myself for people who barely talk to me, family or not? I live in a different country where our views are different. I've been here 22 years. You're coming to my home turf now and this is just how it is. I wouldn't impose her on him, but would just say this is the relationship I'm in and if you would like to meet her she really wants to meet you. I don't know if I have the guts to uphold this view though.
I was hoping that I would be pregnant or have a child already before all this happened and then we would have to have the convesation about where the child came from etc...unfortunately our efforts last year did not pan out so it won't be happening before he gets here.
Why does every one of my other relatives constantly asks about a boyfriend every chance they get, while my father has not asked once? Is it a male thing?
I read your earlier thread about this. How long ago was that and why didn't he come then? Also, I would be honest.
This is his trip. Planning for this takes 6-9 months because you have to get all your documents together and go to the consulate for the interview to get granted a visa. He started the process back in September 2012 and will come in April 2013.
Much depends on your dad's personality. Even more important is not offending your girlfriend - so keep discussing this openly with her.
My family is extremely conservative, from South America. Throughout the years, there have been situations where I worried about "what will they think?" No matter how I've played it: been upfront, honest or just kept a white lie - at the end of the day I've been on my own with the reality of my situation. After all the worrying about "what will they say, what will they think?" everyone disappears and I'm left with my own decisions.
In hindsight, I regret ever wasting one minute on what any of these family members thinks. They are not bad people. They just have their conservative ways ingrained in their minds. That's not my problem and any time wasted thinking about their mindset (which goes back generations) is a waste of time.
If I were in your situation, I would go about my business and not say much of anything. If your dad brings it up, then I would be upfront and explain the exact nature of my relationship. If he isn't asking, perhaps he already has a hunch or someone told him. I wouldn't stir the pot. I wouldn't cause myself any angst over this.
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Anyway, with my father only being here 2 weeks, it will not give him time to adjust, which is one reason I'm thinking to not say anything.
