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Think about if your decision would change if you knew this was the last time you ever saw him.
You have a really rough decision to make. How old is your dad? I'm just thinking if he is older coming from a different culture it could be really traumatic. Do you have enough money to take your Dad on amini vacation and avoid him coming to your home? Just a thought at least you would not have to hide anything that way.
Normally I am one to advocate leaping out of the closet: TA-DA!!!
But in a case like this, it sounds like it may cause you as much pain as him. Also, there is a good chance you may never see him again, right? I'm tempted to suggest you keep it to yourself.
Whatever you decide, make sure your mind is made up beforehand. If you are still contemplating one tack or the other, brooding about it during his visit could ruin it for you. You don't want to blurt it out on the spur of the moment, or because you had one too many glasses of wine.
You have a really rough decision to make. How old is your dad? I'm just thinking if he is older coming from a different culture it could be really traumatic. Do you have enough money to take your Dad on amini vacation and avoid him coming to your home? Just a thought at least you would not have to hide anything that way.
He is 56. My mother has said to me that he is on the conservative side, but that was right after I told her and I think she did it to be spiteful at the time.
The thing is that they will be flying to NY for 4 days then down to the Florida coast for two weeks. I live in Orlando, 2 hours away from where they will be staying. My plan was to fly up to NY over the weekend they will be there, then fly back down to the Florida coast with them, spend a week and go home. So, they will never be near Orlando. Problems with this is that my GF did want to meet him and this case she won't, also he can ask to come to Orlando or he can ask about a partner and then I would have to tell him? or just hide again?
At least you are not a man, having a son in the man-man relationship would crush an average Russian man and you wouldn't need to worry about having non-romantic relationships with him, girl-girl relationships are somewhat more tolerated and maybe he'll adjust since he'll have hope that you'll overgrow that.
He is 56. My mother has said to me that he is on the conservative side, but that was right after I told her and I think she did it to be spiteful at the time.
The thing is that they will be flying to NY for 4 days then down to the Florida coast for two weeks. I live in Orlando, 2 hours away from where they will be staying. My plan was to fly up to NY over the weekend they will be there, then fly back down to the Florida coast with them, spend a week and go home. So, they will never be near Orlando. Problems with this is that my GF did want to meet him and this case she won't, also he can ask to come to Orlando or he can ask about a partner and then I would have to tell him? or just hide again?
Well it is the Florida coast . It would not be too hard to believe you bumped into a friend on vacation there. Accidently meet her,introduce her to your Dad and invite her to dine with you and your Dad. I do hope this works out for you and your Dad.
Trust me had Dad raised you or been actively around he would have some clue.. But coming from 1/2 a world away .
Enjoy your time, re-connecting with dad. For now, I would wait. During his visit, if the topic arises, tell him then. It seems that you are basically strangers, getting to know each other(again).
Your father hasn't been much a part of your life, but I sense that you still love and respect him.
I lean in the favor of not telling him, and if your girlfriend meets him, just introduce her as that, your girlfriend. If he should ask if you have a boyfriend or senses something between you and your girlfriend, then you might want to tell him the truth. Hopefully he won't be upset, but he probably will be. Look at it this way: he loves you enough to travel all the way across the world to see you, and it might take a while to sink in, but hopefully he'll come around.
If he goes home without knowing anything, then everyone's life will go back to normal and you and he will be very glad for the visit.
If he finds out and freaks out, just remember you and your GF are a happy couple, it is your life, your decision, and there are thousands of people in love who get shunned by their families. You aren't alone. It is very sad for all involved, and it is their loss, but life and love goes on.
I have a friend that is very religious but realizes that homosexuality is not a choice. She found out her son was gay when he developed PCP and was diagnosed with Aids. She accepted him as he was and said that you'll always be my son. Give your father some studies that show that homosexuality is in your gene pool. He may be more understanding if he realizes that he helped create you this way. Good luck love. I hope his love for you is stronger than the prejudice. If not than make yourself happy. You only get one chance you know.
Sooner or later your dad will learn that you're gay. You can't keep your sexuality a secret forever. You also wrote that your entire family knows except your father who lives in a different country, Russia, I think you wrote? If he doesn't know already, then your family is great at keeping secrets.
And by only asking parents of gay children to respond, you're still asking for advice even though you already posted in another thread asking for the same advice. I'm sure you'll get the same advice: tell your father before he comes to the US, or don't tell him before he comes.
Share your news with your father. His reaction shouldn't dictate how you feel about yourself. And it's more than likely that he won't cancel his vacation just because he learns his daughter who lives in another country whom he never sees on a regular basis is gay.
Don't expect to get your father's approval either. But also make it clear to him that you're not telling him to get his approval. Don't fight with your father about it if he gets upset. That is a waste of your time. Let him react the way he reacts, and don't punish him for his reaction either. He'll either care or he won't care. But in the long run why does that matter so much to you if you barely see or speak to him since he lives in another country?
Then again, if he lives in another country, doesn't speak English, and you never see him, then you don't have to tell him. But by not telling him you are indirectly acting ashamed of your sexuality. If he's more a stranger than a father what's your real reason for not telling him? You need to be honest with yourself. You wrote that you mother and the rest of your family already knows that your gay, so I don't see what the big deal is about telling your father.
What's your real reason for your trepidation? I just find it hard to believe that you don't want to tell your father when your mother, step-father, and other family members already know according to what you wrote. Why do you even care if your biological father knows or doesn't know?
Last edited by Midwest Maven; 01-22-2013 at 02:08 PM..
Just thinking here. If your Dad doesn't speak English how is your Russian? I know it's your native languge but it's been a while.
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