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Sometimes there is a really good reason for being dumped.
I have been both the dumper and the dumpee, as I suspect is true for most people.
The childhood best friend I finally dumped for the last time around age 30 was an extremely toxic person who treated me poorly except that whenever I took her back she love bombed me for a year or so. I kept telling myself that prior history, somebody who knew my family, who grew up with me, was worth putting up with her cruel nature and other bad qualities (she was also smart and funny, blah blah blah).
Once I told her I needed a communication break, I felt such immediately relief to be free of her emotional demands, nastiness about other friends, and general melodrama that it became clear the break should be permanent. When she asked me over social media about a year later if I'd "had enough space yet," I felt no need to open the communication door and explain why there couldn't be enough space in the world, so I realized I should block her and I did. I think she knows who she is anyway and she sure didn't treat me like somebody she actually likes.
What's wrong with actually being honest with someone?
You could have said "I am sorry, but it is better for me for (whatever reason)," and wish her well.
Ghosting people is cruel, immature, and cowardly, in my opinion.
What's wrong with actually being honest with someone?
You could have said "I am sorry, but it is better for me for (whatever reason)," and wish her well.
Ghosting people is cruel, immature, and cowardly, in my opinion.
I told her I needed a break from caretaking her emotions and drama. I wouldn't call that ghosting.
I didn't realize at the time it was a forever break, I had to do some reading and thinking to fully understand the nature of our relationship. If I would have talked to her again a year later, she most certainly would have taken it as an opening to argue with me and tell me I was wrong. I know her well.
If she wanted to keep me in her life, she should have been a nicer person.
I did the "silent treatment" when I wanted a "friendship" to end. It was uncomfortable every time this person called and left messages. She left messages for 5 f****** years!!!!!!!!
The OP's situation is difficult. I personally wouldn't like to be ghosted, and I don't like lame excuses that leave me wondering what actually, really, was the problem in the relationship (of any kind), but being on the receiving end of blunt and direct reasons can be painful, too.
People have suggested all three solutions, which means to me that there isn't really a good, "one size fits all" one. Perhaps the OP needs to consider which one would be best give the personality of the friend, which we don't know. If she's blunt and direct herself, that approach might be fine. If she's very sensitive, the ghosting and lame excuses would be preferable.
Don't do it via text, it's lame. I once met this married chick hiking up a mountain and it became a regular thing every now and then, added eachother to FB, she kept wanting me to text her but I kept saying "soon" to her, I never actually wanted to. Eventually I did and we text a bunch, she kinda bugged me because I was still living with my dad and I was late 20's still, always made her laugh and she said she really enjoys my company and called me one of her best friends, then I kinda thought "wow, this chick is WAY too fast with me" and I started thinking of her as crazy and passing on her invites to me to join her doing yoga or other hikes with her, then eventually just text me if I ever wanted to maintain the friendship then let her know but she's out lol.
Another chick I really care about i've known for 1/3rd of my life due to working together (she quit a few years ago, we still text/talk on phone/hangout) I am thinking of leaving. I miss how close we used to be, also got some feelings for her but I think it's due to my introverted lonliness, we hang out a few times a year but I want to hang out more I told her and she was saying she would like that and wants to stay in touch with me and i've been asking about other things then just a lame coffee date followed by a nice walk (we have more of a romantic friendship when we hang out in person), but she's all talk and does not seem to wanna hang out often except family and best friends but she really likes talking to me on the phone (we talk on it for an hour, it's awkward though), nobody phones her and said nobody likes talking on the phone these days but likes to talk to keep in touch sometimes and tells me how much she appreciates me. It's complicated for my reasoning to thinking of ending it, but I respect her and wont do it over a dumb text. Maybe just more on the phone saying we should reconnect sometime down the line when we are older. Tried to get out once, she did not let me lol.
Last edited by Partypooper; 11-25-2018 at 12:20 PM..
My best opposite sex friend and I don't have anything in common anymore and I really don't like her. If the two of us met today we would not give each other the time of day. We don't have any chemistry anymore.
But she keeps pushing for more contact than I want and if it were up to me she would just disappear from my life. She is so 20th Century! I have moved on.
Like my namesake Mr. Spock, I need to be logical about this.
Please, don't suggest the passive aggressive approach of telling her I am busy. (I am not) There has to be a better way. What did you do when you wanted to end a long term close friendship that your friend wanted to continue?
Well, I'm busy. I'm busy spending time looking at posts on the Internet and responding to them. Earlier today I was busy sleeping on the sofa.
Busy can be busy with any other thing in life that you think should come before her.
Sometimes friendships fade away and then come back. If you tell her a reason why you don't want to be friends with her, then that bridge will be burned forever. Do you really want to do that, considering how hard it can be to make friends as an adult? Maybe in 5 years she'll do something helpful for you.
I want to mention that emailing might be the best way to end a friendship or other relationship if you know there will be so much drama you will not be able to explain, or if you will be put on the defensive.
In real time break ups, there is sometimes a scene, where your full message gets lost. Then later the other person demands “why, why, why?”
If you email, you can give your reason or reasons, and convey your affection or best wishes, and conclude. You can choose to respond to a message from the other person or not.
There is no way do this without pain. I think ghosting seems a “easy” way to the person who wants to break it off, but will probably cause pain to the other person. But if contact has become intermittent and less enthusiastic, then that might be the simplest way.
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