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I worked with a guy like this. I counted one time-he had fifteen people living in his small house, including the tent in the backyard! They were his adult kids, grandkids, their friends etc. No one paid rent and they refused to do chores. They ordered $50 pay-per-view sporting events. His oldest was unemployed for years as she worked the welfare system. He had constant problems with the septic system since it wasn't designed for that many people.
This guy worked 70+ hours per week at two jobs plus his wife worked part time. The drama was endless but he refused to do anything so the handouts continued.
Fast forward 25+ years and he was forced to retire due to medical issues. He and his wife moved away but quickly returned. He stopped by the office the other day. They are living with their daughter and her adult kids. Guess what? He is now supporting his adult grandkids! During his visit he got a phone call. Apparently he has to make his granddaughter's car payment for her. The cycle continues.
The one benefit to working with him is I was determined to not have my kid turn out like that.
The story about no one being required to do chores reminded me of a story told to me by older brother.
One of our neighbors had fifteen (yes, 15) children. (The youngest sibling is now about 70 years old)
My brother would occasionally stay for dinner and was always amazed by the team work. Everybody had some type of chore to get ready for dinner/serve dinner/clean-up after dinner. Guests and visitors were assigned chores, too. Even the littlest children had something to do like wiping off the table or putting out the silver wear. The Mom would say things like "if you join us for the joy of a meal, you join us for the joy of working to create that meal."
The parents also had the rule, "You can live at home as long as you are going to school or working and paying rent." I believe everyone moved out shortly after they graduated or as soon as they got a good job and/or married.
BTW I believe that all 15 children grew up to be responsible, capable adults. Hmm, I wonder if part of it was because of the positive work ethic?
This sounds like my neighbors daughter only she's in her early 20's, had a baby with this loser, and lived in her parents basement for a while. They fought like cats and dogs and always into the wee hours of their drunkin stupor. It was not unusual to hear yelling and screaming at 3am on a regular basis. My neighbors are really nice people and don't deserve this heartache. They are also concerned for their Grandson. The sperm donor has since moved out and it's a lot quieter now. It is indeed a sad surrender when you give up your life to an ungrateful needy child. Chances are you've just raised another leach and useless turd floating along in the toilet of life.
I was charged rent starting at age 15 after getting my first part time job, $150.00 a month, it was however given back to me, in-full, on my HS graduation day as a nice 'kick start' at which time I was politely shown the door.
Koale
I was charged rent starting at age 15 after getting my first part time job, $150.00 a month, it was however given back to me, in-full, on my HS graduation day as a nice 'kick start' at which time I was politely shown the door.
Koale
That's kind of the other extreme. There's a happy medium between booting your kid as soon as they've got their high school diploma and enabling them as they travel down a path to failure.
We know some people, friends of friends, and these people seem to not have any sense in their heads.
The couple are in the late 40's early fifties and they have two kids, 19 yr old daughter and a son who is 16. The daughter is a spoiled immature little turd. She barely graduated HS, she used to be working part time as a hostess in a restaurant. She's living at home and she has her BF living in her bedroom with her. I don't think he has a job right now. His dad just passed recently and he is having a hard time of that, apparently... So I can't blame him too much for that. But, the daughter is living there rent free, not going to any kind of careering training or college. Was working part time, she quit her job to be with her BF.
I don't know.. I just find this living situation weird. I mean really... They both should be in school or work or some combo of both. They should contributing some how to the household.
That's the way I see it.
The Dad.... nice guy, but just a spineless dude. The wife is an obnoxious pig... just a simple way to describe her, I could give a plethora of reasons, I don't want to go off there. Anyways I just can't imagine a grown man letting some dude live at his house, sleep with his daughter in her room and neither one don't appear to contributing.
This wouldn't fly in my home.
This may fly if it was very temporary.
Oh my. No. No no no no no no no no no.
Not even for one night would I allow this.
I have five grown kids, ages 20 thru 30. (Yes, folks, I consider the 20 year old to be GROWN.) They have known from early teens onward that we simply do not allow anyone's lovers to stay overnight. Just NO. GO HOME.
Our kids also have always known that when they graduate from high school, they have three months (summer) to get their game on. By that I mean, get a part time job and line up college, or get a full time job and pay rent. Also, as long as they live at home - regardless of their age - they go by OUR rules. Which include, no unmarried couples sleeping together under our roof. Our rules also include no underage drinking, no drugs, respect for the hours of the house (in by midnight on weeknights and 1 am on weekends), and keeping one's room neat.
The four oldest kids are self sufficient. The only one lagging is the youngest, who happens to be my step son and who's mother doesn't have the same standards that his father and I do. But even so - he knows the rules in our house, and finally (after we changed the locks and installed a camera/alarm system) he has come to realize he has to respect those rules.
We also have a good, respectful relationship with the grown kids, for the most part. I have one son who is 24 and who doesn't share our value system, but he's a self sufficient adult so we respect his rights and he respects ours. He's not making choices that we would make personally, or recommend, but he's also not asking us to subsidize his choices either, so there you have it. Though his choices don't line up with my own personal value system, I am very proud of him for making his own way and living by his own convictions, while taking full responsibility for his own actions. What mother wouldn't be proud of a son with such integrity?
Well, it's almost too late to do anything about the girl. Her personality is already formed. Threatening to kick her out if she doesn't get a job, or some such measure, might not have the desired results. They needed to be setting standards and providing guidance for this child from a very early age.
Times have changed. I've been surprised at how many teens on the internet say they're allowed to have their bf or gf in their bedroom alone, or even have them living in. It's a whole new and different generation of parents.
OP, do the parents have college educations?
I wonder what the boy's attitude towards women is going to be, after living in that environment.
But keep in mind that this particular situation your posting about isn't an approach ANYONE on here thinks is ok and the only reason you posted about it is that it's so bizarre and unusual of a situation. So this isn't indicative of an overreaching trend. I don't know a single person who wouldn't put a boot straight up their kid's ass well before the scenario you describe ever got rolling.
Really? You really don't know people who are in similar situations? I see it all the time.
My oldest son's best friend from high school is currently unemployed (age 26), living at home, and his parents are making his car payments. He can't get a good job because he can't pass a drug screen. When he does manage to land a job, he doesn't keep it because smoking copious amounts of weed doesn't do much for one's work ethic. His girlfriend of seven years is a meth head living with her mom in about the same situation. However, they both often spend the night at either parents' homes - together. No big deal.
I simply can't believe his parents bought him that truck. I mean - it's unbelievable to me. I'd have his stuff in a black plastic bag and the only thing I'd pay for would be bus fare to the Salvation Army. And I am not kidding either.
Re temporarily helping the boyfriend out: could he not sleep on the couch? I would allow that. I'm not heartless. Even my parents allowed my BF to stay for 1 night when he was having a crisis at home. But he slept on the fold out in the family room.
I was charged rent starting at age 15 after getting my first part time job, $150.00 a month, it was however given back to me, in-full, on my HS graduation day as a nice 'kick start' at which time I was politely shown the door.
Koale
Ya i agree, if my auntie where alive and i tried that! wooooo she would knock the pupule(crazy) outta me. The back of my head would have perm dent on it from her smacking me so much lol. My opinion, the problem is the lack of culture and real ohana(familly). And when we change focus from we(community, family) to me(indivd) then thats what happens. As a kid born and raised in Hawai'i, i would of been terrified to disrespect myself or a wahine(pregnacy out of wedlock, etc) Not only would i have to be afraid of my auntie kickin my butt because it always got back to her(pineapple wire), but her brothers and her ohana(who warned me first date to respect there sis) and there local friends, would kick my #$&. Alot of butt kicking for being lolo(dumb). lol
koale i agreed with what u said. I joined the navy.
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mine either...
wouldn't have flown with my folks.
aloha
