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My brother is 8 years younger than I am. We never had much of a relationship as my step father (his dad) wasn't and still isn't dad of the year. Mother is same.
He is almost 20 and has never worked, didn't go to prom and never had a gf. I don't speak to him or his dad. My mom is the kind of person who is always asking for money and has never held a job longer than 6 months. She gives up too easy. When she does have money, you don't hear from her.
Recently she told me she sent me a birthday card in the mail, it's been about 2 weeks and I haven't received anything nor have I talked to her since. I didn't expect to receive anything anyway.
My question is when they get older like 60's or 70's, am I going to be obligated to take care of them? I know it sounds harsh, but it just doesn't seem like a fair deal. Everything I have...I earned myself. Even as a child I was physically and verbally abused and had no self-esteem. I was unemployed for about 3 months awhile back and never heard from them as well.
I have been having guilt on the same issue. My mother is a self-serving narcissist that has left a huge trail of damage, and would do it now, if only her children didn't avoid her. My 2 siblings also don't talk to her. To allow her into our lives is just not worth the damage she creates. So who IS going to take care of her, when it comes to that time?
It has taken me years to come to the realization that none of us should have to do it. She gave birth for entirely selfish reasons, and we had horrible childhoods because of her. We owe her nothing - and she would willingly create havoc up until her last breath. Sounds harsh - but I don't want to see her again, and my siblings should not have to, either.
Just because you are family doesn't obligate you to have a relationship with anyone.
Once everyone is an adult they should be treated as an adult and their actions (or inactions!) reflect upon them, not you. If they are not planning for their future as elderly people it does not mean you must do so in their place.
You basically have two options:
talk to your mother frankly about what plans has she made for her senior years: life insurance? IRA? savings? funeral pre-planning? updated will?
If you are estranged from immediate family members for whatever reason, you do not have an obligation to take care of them.
Of course, I do not know you or your bother, but I think if your mother is that abusive of a person and you don't enjoy being around her as an adult, you should create some distance somehow. Maybe in time, you will then have no relationship, and if that is what you prefer, then so be it. And the same can be said about your brother.
My question is when they get older like 60's or 70's, am I going to be obligated to take care of them? I know it sounds harsh, but it just doesn't seem like a fair deal. Everything I have...I earned myself. Even as a child I was physically and verbally abused and had no self-esteem. I was unemployed for about 3 months awhile back and never heard from them as well.
Are you obligated to take care of them? No.
Do you want to, that is the question?
I don't really think my parents need me to take care of them financially, they are pretty well off. But I think I will offer them a lot of emotional support because I have unconditional love for my parents. Loving them is my second nature. Loving them also makes me happy
In your case, caring for them or not caring for them totally depends on your feelings and heart. You are not obligated.
Just because you are family doesn't obligate you to have a relationship with anyone.
Once everyone is an adult they should be treated as an adult and their actions (or inactions!) reflect upon them, not you. If they are not planning for their future as elderly people it does not mean you must do so in their place.
I have a difficult time accepting this concept. They are family and the only family you have. I would do as much I can to help them out, but try my best not to be taken advantage of...but to be honest, I don't know the whole story...
My parents know that I will do all I can for them. Finances will not be a problem, but everyone needs someone to care for them, and I want to be there for them. I love them.
My question is when they get older like 60's or 70's, am I going to be obligated to take care of them? I know it sounds harsh, but it just doesn't seem like a fair deal. Everything I have...I earned myself. Even as a child I was physically and verbally abused and had no self-esteem. I was unemployed for about 3 months awhile back and never heard from them as well.
No, Success, you are not obligated to care for them....no more than your brother is...if they had been good to you when you were young, and not "physically and verbally abused" you, you wouldn't be asking this question.
You reap what you sow...and your parents may come to understand that later in life...that's THEIR destiny, not yours.
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