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I won't go into what led up to all this, it was a last minute decision amidst an in progress relocation that got complicated, so the offer sounded like a simple solution, man was I ever wrong! It's gradually turning into a fiasco. I always said I could never live with my Mom again and I love her dearly, but my gut told me it would be a complete disaster and I was right. A fix is in the works that will probably consist of another relocation, making it painful for everyone, it could have been avoided so easily if I had politely said, "thanks, but no thanks".
Who else has tried this and not have it succeed? I'm not talking about situations that were necessary like illness, economics, domestic; just general offers to stay with family members during a move/relocation related transition.
It all sounded so good at first: the camraderie, the reliving of memories, the retelling of stories....ahhh the sentiment, only to have it blow up in your face.
I always avoided these offers for these reasons, because most of the time family members have no idea what they are getting themselves into, they never know the level of commitment involved. They base the decision on sentiment and not on reality, that living with people is far different than visiting for birthdays and holidays.
I'm 56, but I moved back home briefly when I was about 25. I hated it. I applied for a job that took me to another city and got the job, so left. My mom cried again like she did when I left for college at 18.
You say this was just an offer to stay during a relocation/transition. If I were you I'd just talk about it as if that is what it is; just something temporary until you find your own place and get settled. Surely they didn't plan for you to stay with them permanently? Talk about how grateful you are that they helped you out in the transition by letting them stay with them temporarily.
I don't know about your mom, but I was okay with two of my kids moving back (at different times) when they needed to. I was also glad when they left again! Your mom might feel the same way.
We were building our house and it should have been done in time for our apartment lease to be up, but of course it didn't work out that way. We ended up moving in with my dad for a few months while the house was being finished.
Dreadful. Not that my dad was unreasonable or that the woman he was dating (my mom had passed a few years earlier) was hateful, but that after being married adults on our own it was stifling to move into two rooms of a whole house and live there. I couldn't wait to get out.
Yes I tried this because I was ill and ended up moving out less the 2 weeks later. I love my mom dearly but we are very alike and we both need are space.
I am confused on why you cant just look for a place now? You could explain how you love your mom dearly and how thankful you are that she wanted you to stay but it is better if you live on your own.
I won't go into what led up to all this, it was a last minute decision amidst an in progress relocation that got complicated, so the offer sounded like a simple solution, man was I ever wrong! It's gradually turning into a fiasco. I always said I could never live with my Mom again and I love her dearly, but my gut told me it would be a complete disaster and I was right. A fix is in the works that will probably consist of another relocation, making it painful for everyone, it could have been avoided so easily if I had politely said, "thanks, but no thanks".
Who else has tried this and not have it succeed? I'm not talking about situations that were necessary like illness, economics, domestic; just general offers to stay with family members during a move/relocation related transition.
It all sounded so good at first: the camraderie, the reliving of memories, the retelling of stories....ahhh the sentiment, only to have it blow up in your face.
I always avoided these offers for these reasons, because most of the time family members have no idea what they are getting themselves into, they never know the level of commitment involved. They base the decision on sentiment and not on reality, that living with people is far different than visiting for birthdays and holidays.
I'm working on an escape, how did you do it?
You can always relive memories, spend time with your family, and get that warm and fuzzy feeling without actually moving back in with your mom. That is past history however, so now concentrate on getting out of there and as quickly and painlessly as possible.
unless your parents are mature and understanding you will always be your mother's baby....it is difficult moving back with parents, and if you do, it is so important to make certain you do your share, like pay your way, help them out as much as you can.....meaning, yard work, your own laundray and cleaning...do your share, don't depend on them to take care of you, period.
Yes I tried this because I was ill and ended up moving out less the 2 weeks later. I love my mom dearly but we are very alike and we both need are space.
I am confused on why you cant just look for a place now? You could explain how you love your mom dearly and how thankful you are that she wanted you to stay but it is better if you live on your own.
Same here, it doesn't require a big relocation to find your own place. Just find an apartment or home to rent now.
I won't go into what led up to all this, it was a last minute decision amidst an in progress relocation that got complicated, so the offer sounded like a simple solution, man was I ever wrong! It's gradually turning into a fiasco. I always said I could never live with my Mom again and I love her dearly, but my gut told me it would be a complete disaster and I was right. A fix is in the works that will probably consist of another relocation, making it painful for everyone, it could have been avoided so easily if I had politely said, "thanks, but no thanks".
Who else has tried this and not have it succeed? I'm not talking about situations that were necessary like illness, economics, domestic; just general offers to stay with family members during a move/relocation related transition.
It all sounded so good at first: the camraderie, the reliving of memories, the retelling of stories....ahhh the sentiment, only to have it blow up in your face.
I always avoided these offers for these reasons, because most of the time family members have no idea what they are getting themselves into, they never know the level of commitment involved. They base the decision on sentiment and not on reality, that living with people is far different than visiting for birthdays and holidays.
I'm working on an escape, how did you do it?
Well, I first moved in with my mom as a result of economic necessity.
The need is no longer there, I could easily move out, and economically survive. She, however, could NOT survive now, economically without me.
So it's a good thing that we DO get along very well.
When we move, next year, to NC...it will be ME buying the house, and mom living with me...instead of the situation for the last nine years, where I have been living in her house - though I did RENT the upstairs of the house.
As with any people living together, we get into occasional arguments, nothing serious...so it works for us.
This is NOT a situation that works for everyone. But it also is a situation that CAN work for some people, it does not ALWAYS blow up in your face.
Because, no matter who lives with whom, your parent will always see themselves as your parent. So you're never really equals.
I moved out at 19 and at 34, have never lived with my parents again. We are really close and I LOVE them!!! When they still lived in town I would be at their house at least 2-3 days per week and sometimes would be there a whole weekend (I lived maybe 15 minutes away)...but would never want to live with them again.
If they were sinking financially (they have always been blue-collar workers so there isn't money flowing), I wouldn't hesitate a bit...but I don't WANT to HAVE to live with them. Though I love them dearly! LOL!
Because, no matter who lives with whom, your parent will always see themselves as your parent. So you're never really equals.
I moved out at 19 and at 34, have never lived with my parents again. We are really close and I LOVE them!!! When they still lived in town I would be at their house at least 2-3 days per week and sometimes would be there a whole weekend (I lived maybe 15 minutes away)...but would never want to live with them again.
If they were sinking financially (they have always been blue-collar workers so there isn't money flowing), I wouldn't hesitate a bit...but I don't WANT to HAVE to live with them. Though I love them dearly! LOL!
Now that has proven to be somewhat true in my situation, but we will see if this changes at all when it is MY house that SHE is living in.
Still, there's no way I would cut my mom off like that. She was there for me when I needed it, at 34, when Hurricane Katrina ruined me. Now it is my turn.
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