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I don't know enough about this to wonder why you would have to go into debt to settle his affairs... won't the probate court handle that? You can if want, but if you don't have to, let a lawyer do it. I guess you would need to front some money, then get reimbursed, as Hopes stated above.
You can always ask him anything. I think it would be reasonable in order to make it easier on you. Also, would he consider pre-paying his own funeral, or at the very least, buying a plot for himself? I think you should definitely ask him to do that.
Your dad sounds a lot like mine, except yours has assets. He has done NOTHING regarding a will. Inconsiderate as heck. But he did buy himself a plot, and we'll hit Costco for his coffin. Luckily, no assets to deal with, no headaches. Only one getting anything is the bank and IRS. Wait, he did just find a dog... I do want the dog.
LOL. Both of my parents know that I get their dogs.
He won't tell me what he wants done with his body. I THINK he may have a plot somewhere, but he wheels and deals so much, it may have been sold. I will ask about prepaying the funeral, but I suspect that is another "mortality" related issue that he will want to avoid. But a good suggestion.
I'm concerned about debt, because my understanding is that you only get reimbursed once the estate has been settled. My father's estate could take a long time to settle - he has so many little pockets of assets and he's taken on debt to boot. He also has 50 years of records crammed into every nook and cranny of his office. And keep in mind that this all may add up to a hill of beans - he makes and loses money like a gambler.
He got very sick about a decade ago that briefly incapacitated him with an uncertain recovery, and I had to take over everything for about 3 months. The only reason I was able to keep things afloat was that I found a nice stash of cash in his desk drawer. Because of a variety of reasons (dealing with one of his businesses and related legal issues, house and property issues, worrying he might die or be permanently disabled) it was probably the most awful times of my life. Thankfully he bounced back.
Between the scattered assets, the debts, the unpaid bills and the collapsing properties and the lack of any meaningful will, I just think this will be an unholy mess. Actually, I KNOW it will be. I've dealt with just the tip of the iceberg when he was sick and I was a puking, sleepless mess the entire time. I keep my life very simple because I'm a disorganized person. My father is a disorganized person who just doesn't care. So basically, it will be one very disorganized person cleaning up the 50-year financial mess of an even more disorganized person. Now that I'm living far away and have complicated my life by buying a house, the issue of his estate has become more of a concern.
I don't think you sound entitled. But, I'm not sure there's much you can do.
My parents have most everything covered, but there are things they could do smarter that they simply will not listen to. In the end, unless you want to go to war with your Father and damage your relationship you really have to respect that you cant do anything he doesn't want to do unless a court declares him incompetent to manage his affairs.
Have you tried discussing with him a scenario where he is sick and deal with things and what he wants you to do?
Lots of luck lol. My fathers answer was use his vets benefits and drive him to the VA home so we don't spend a lot of money. My sister offered them to build a small house on her property and his answer was he never did not have his own address and he wasn't starting now. We will never put him in a VA home unless we're all homeless so we will be schlepping back and forth to his house if necessary. C'est la vie and not worth fighting over.
As far as dealing with his estate and lack of a will, maybe you will be pleasantly surprised that some of his accounts have you listed as a beneficiary or property is titled with right of survivorship. Perhaps bring that up as a way to avoid probate. Or, even just checking that they don't still have your mothers name on them so you don't have to fight with her over it?
A couple of times my father has listened to things I told him if I put it in terms of things I was doing for my own retirement or estate planning rather than something he should do.
I don't think you sound entitled. But, I'm not sure there's much you can do.
My parents have most everything covered, but there are things they could do smarter that they simply will not listen to. In the end, unless you want to go to war with your Father and damage your relationship you really have to respect that you cant do anything he doesn't want to do unless a court declares him incompetent to manage his affairs.
Have you tried discussing with him a scenario where he is sick and deal with things and what he wants you to do?
Lots of luck lol. My fathers answer was use his vets benefits and drive him to the VA home so we don't spend a lot of money. My sister offered them to build a small house on her property and his answer was he never did not have his own address and he wasn't starting now. We will never put him in a VA home unless we're all homeless so we will be schlepping back and forth to his house if necessary. C'est la vie and not worth fighting over.
As far as dealing with his estate and lack of a will, maybe you will be pleasantly surprised that some of his accounts have you listed as a beneficiary or property is titled with right of survivorship. Perhaps bring that up as a way to avoid probate. Or, even just checking that they don't still have your mothers name on them so you don't have to fight with her over it?
A couple of times my father has listened to things I told him if I put it in terms of things I was doing for my own retirement or estate planning rather than something he should do.
There will be no damaging of the relationship. I'm bring this up every once in a while and try to nudge him, but I back off when it seems like boundaries are being crossed.
Trust me, I'm not listed as the beneficiary on anything. But I do know mom won't fight me on anything - they've been divorced for 15 years and he scrubbed her name from all accoutns and properties. She knows I'll make sure she gets some of what she was cheated out of in the divorce for sure. She gave up a ton in the interests of expediency, since dad was hiding assets like the Easter Bunny.
But I will try your approach next time - let him know I'm doing something for my own retirement. Now that I have an actual asset beyond my 401K, I need to get a will of my own drawn up. Ugh. I'm gonna leave it all to my dog, LOL.
I'm concerned about debt, because my understanding is that you only get reimbursed once the estate has been settled. My father's estate could take a long time to settle - he has so many little pockets of assets and he's taken on debt to boot. He also has 50 years of records crammed into every nook and cranny of his office. And keep in mind that this all may add up to a hill of beans - he makes and loses money like a gambler.
The lawyer will negotiate down the debt.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector
Between the scattered assets, the debts, the unpaid bills and the collapsing properties and the lack of any meaningful will, I just think this will be an unholy mess. Actually, I KNOW it will be.
A will wouldn't make it much less of a mess unless it named someone else the executor.
With no will, the courts can appoint someone else to be administrator if you don't want to do it. You don't HAVE to do anything.
Also keep in mind that he might have a will and just isn't telling you. You might not be the executor. You might not be getting very much from the estate.
There will be no damaging of the relationship. I'm bring this up every once in a while and try to nudge him, but I back off when it seems like boundaries are being crossed.
Trust me, I'm not listed as the beneficiary on anything. But I do know mom won't fight me on anything - they've been divorced for 15 years and he scrubbed her name from all accoutns and properties. She knows I'll make sure she gets some of what she was cheated out of in the divorce for sure. She gave up a ton in the interests of expediency, since dad was hiding assets like the Easter Bunny.
But I will try your approach next time - let him know I'm doing something for my own retirement. Now that I have an actual asset beyond my 401K, I need to get a will of my own drawn up. Ugh. I'm gonna leave it all to my dog, LOL.
With every post you write, I swear we're talking about the same man!
There will be no damaging of the relationship. I'm bring this up every once in a while and try to nudge him, but I back off when it seems like boundaries are being crossed.
Trust me, I'm not listed as the beneficiary on anything. But I do know mom won't fight me on anything - they've been divorced for 15 years and he scrubbed her name from all accoutns and properties. She knows I'll make sure she gets some of what she was cheated out of in the divorce for sure. She gave up a ton in the interests of expediency, since dad was hiding assets like the Easter Bunny.
But I will try your approach next time - let him know I'm doing something for my own retirement. Now that I have an actual asset beyond my 401K, I need to get a will of my own drawn up. Ugh. I'm gonna leave it all to my dog, LOL.
You could do the same with the pre-paid burial stuff. Tell him youre considering it and has he and does he want you to call his local funeral homes and look into it.
Also, be aware with that generation if they or their parents ever went to a church that has a connected cemetery there may be burial plots still available to them there that have already been allocated to them.
I find I keep tabs on my parents finances best through casual conversation lol. My mother was complaining about my father saying they couldn't afford replacing their carpet. I said, "Why, your investments should have come back nicely with the stock market up." Now I know the real reason is my father is afraid they will run out of money, but she told me what they had in the account, what they were taking out and lo and behold another account my/sis and I didn't know about. I just say "Really" and make a note of the new info in case we need it later. Maybe they updated the info with the will/maybe not. They are both getting more forgetful. Give him a call more often and maybe he will tell you more.
I would be more concerned about the cash in the house and try to find out if he stashes it elsewhere than the desk. A friend of mine dealt with that with her 95 year old Depression era mom. Everytime she turned around she was finding cash/passbooks in shoe boxes, taped to the back of furniture etc.
I would be more concerned about the cash in the house and try to find out if he stashes it elsewhere than the desk. A friend of mine dealt with that with her 95 year old Depression era mom. Everytime she turned around she was finding cash/passbooks in shoe boxes, taped to the back of furniture etc.
There are news stories about millions being found between walls and floorboards. Not the drug dealer stories, but the depression era people who didn't trust banks. Even the ones who trust banks might be hiding cash from the IRS.
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