Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
jump at the offer, your already getting grief by your parents, like Bette said, look at it as a gift and benefit for you and your family. Be a duck, let all the other stuff roll off.
It sounds like your parents are very critical of you. I would be insulted too, but on the other hand, the thought of having my house cleaned, and not having to pay for it or even arrange it...I wouldn't mind that right now! (Between 2 dogs, and a husband...boy can it be messy!)
If you feel like they are too controlling over your situation, get out of there. This is why I don't allow my mother to put her name on anything (years ago when I bought my car, she offered to co-sign the loan-no thanks!).
OP, you have placed yourself in a position that allows your parents to stick their nose in your business. You can not win, they will always see you as sloppy, overweight, and any other negative words they use to describe you. You can't change them, you can only change how you react to their nasty comments.
You have at least 2 separate problems:
1. Your parents think they have the right to send someone into your home. They don't. Simply do not allow the cleaning person in if they come. They can not come in against your wishes. Regardless of who owns the home, they cannot just enter. If you ask them to leave and they do not, they are trespassing.
2. You allow your parents to continue making critical comments regarding your appearance, etc. All you have to do is say "Mom if you don't stop criticizing me, I will hang up this phone." If it continues, HANG UP. Only when you stand up for yourself will the criticism stop. Don't be bullied by your own family.
You don't have to let cleaning lady in but you can't do something like changing the locks. You are in a strange place of being tenant and co-owner. The other owners have rights as well. They can't barge in on you because you reside there, but they do have rights to the property too.
Man, if my mom offered to send over a cleaning lady, I'd be grateful. We keep a clean house, but I'm a bit lax about the "deep-cleaning" and I would LOVE to have help with that. If her thinking my house is filthy results in someone else cleaning it for free -- just put a cloud of dirt around me and call me Pigpen, because I'm all in!
That being said, I don't have weird control issues with my mother, nor am I financially entangled with her in any way.
But back to you.
I'm guessing you and your parents have a long history of control struggles, yes? In that case, co-owning a house with them was about the worst thing you could've done -- though we'll "water under the bridge" that, since there's nothing to be done now.
First -- you're not a tenant. You're a co-owner of the house. Your parents are not your landlords. Tenant/landlord rules do not apply here. If you move, you still partly own the house and are still responsible if the mortgage goes into default -- it's not as simple as packing up and being done with it.
As part owner, you do have the right to deny access -- but as part owner, they're not out of line in wanting the house kept clean to their standards, either. Have they been to your house recently? Could they have seen something that prompted this desire for a cleaning lady? Be honest with yourself about that, too.
A possible compromise here is to allow the cleaning lady access to the "public" areas of the house -- living room/family room, kitchen, guest/hall bathroom, etc -- but close off the bedrooms or any other "private" spaces. You can always use the excuse that you need someplace to put the animals.
Long-term, you need to talk to your parents about the future of this townhome -- and either you need to buy them out, or they need to buy you out. Family and money shouldn't mix like this -- you're either a tenant or an owner, but you're trying to be both here, and it doesn't work.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
