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The reaction you described from the locals is a valid reason IN ITSELF to bail. When you add the dismal job prospects and other shortcomings it's a no-brainer to leave.
Don't sell yourself short and settle for a second rate life. Ruthlessly burn that bridge to the last ember
I think OP is bringing this on himself. He's judging his friends and family for remaining in the community, and he's expressing his disdain openly. Who wouldn't be pissed off for being deemed dysfunctional and living in a haze? He's basically calling them losers.
I don't know about that. I come from a part of the country that is very insular and proud of itself. There are people here who grew up here and who do nothing but complain, complain, complain about the high taxes, the high cost of living, the lack of job opportunities, the crumbling infrastructure, the corruption of the local governments, the this, the that, on and on and on and the wheels on the bus go round and round--and yet they do absolutely nothing about it and wouldn't consider relocating even if it meant a better quality of life.
But if someone leaves for greener pastures, they take it personally, or they feel the need to say things like, "Sorry you couldn't make it here."
Maybe you don't see as much of that because you live in one of those greener pastures that people leave for.
Some of what you are experiencing is genuine. People will miss you.
Most of it is this:
Crab mentality, sometimes referred to as crabs in the bucket, is a phrase that describes a way of thinking best described by the phrase "if I can't have it, neither can you." The metaphor refers to a pot of crabs. Individually, the crabs could easily escape from the pot, but instead, they grab at each other in a useless "king of the hill" competition which prevents any from escaping and ensures their collective demise.[1][2] The analogy in human behavior is that members of a group will attempt to "pull down" (negate or diminish the importance of) any member who achieves success beyond the others, out of envy,[3] conspiracy or competitive feelings.
This term is broadly associated with short-sighted, non-constructive thinking rather than a unified, long-term, constructive mentality. It is also often used colloquially in reference to individuals or communities attempting to improve their socioeconomic situations, but kept from doing so by others attempting to ride upon their coat-tails or those who simply resent their success.[4]
I don't think anyone here is trying to talk you into staying, so you really don't need to convince anyone why you think things are so bad in the Tri-Cities.
I think OP is bringing this on himself. He's judging his friends and family for remaining in the community, and he's expressing his disdain openly. Who wouldn't be pissed off for being deemed dysfunctional and living in a haze? He's basically calling them losers.
The OP might not be diplomatic in his interactions with friends/family, but his basic assertion is correct. If they really are "dysfunctional and living in a haze", then calling them "losers" is perfectly fitting and legitimate.
But what hurts, regardless of how steadfast one's intentions and sensible one's plan, is severing the old ties. Yes, those people are losers. But it's difficult to distance oneself from one's social circle, even if mostly losers comprise that circle. There is a feeling that something will be missing, something has been foregone in favor of the novel and the uncertain.
I'm in the process of relocating from a declining, small town in the foothills of Appalachia to a normal metropolitan area. I've told some friends and family about these plans, and even among those who have wanted "out" themselves, I'm receiving a lot of pushback as a "quitter," "sell out," or "not true to my roots." The people in these mountains have deep roots, sometimes so deep that they are pulled down low and cannot see that there is a better world beyond these hills.
While I loved the area I came from as a kid, it has declined tremendously even over the past five years, not only economically, but my once safe town is now a drug-addled, crime-ridden mess. I'm ashamed of where I come from, freely admit it, and even though I'm putting my money where my mouth is and picking my ball up and leaivng, people can't seem to handle this.
I got into a pretty nasty argument last night with an ex-girlfriend about this. When we met a few years ago, her goal was to leave the area and go to law school. Her mother died, her law school dreams are gone, and she's now stuck working minimum wage retail on a part-time basis. I have another ex I talk to daily who wanted to leave and still does, but married a man who wants to stay here and she's now stuck. That's not even counting the dozens of other young people (late teens to late 20s) I've casually talked to over the years that are distressed about the area's lack of prospects, as well as older people who are stuck with mortgages and kids in school.
It seems that people from poor areas are extremely bitter when someone "escapes the ghetto" and does better for themselves. I'm not sure how to approach these people, except to tell them I'm doing what's best for me professionally and financially. Do you know many people like this?
Yes, I do...re-transplanted back south after leaving the town and living on the west coast for three decades. Came back for my dad. Two years ago dad passed, and I stayed. Hard row to hoe, as they say here, because even though I was born here and my roots here are stronger than any of these yahoo yuppies who moved here in the 80s and established themselves, I find they are more accepted than I am, because I'm not an *ss kisser and that is your basic currency here. Don't they say anything to a native about the town's problems. You get stuff like, "Well, things just as bad all over, wherever you go." Just defensive attitude for days on end. But that's what people tell themselves to feel okay about being stuck. They'll defend how things are to the death, even though it's choking the life out themselves and their young people.
My take on your situation is that you really don't owe these people an explanation. Have the courage to do what's right for you, and be brave enough to live with the fallout. Staying put will have its fallout so to speak...but so will moving somewhere else. The upside is, there will be benefits being in another place (that you have carefully researched first!) that will balance out the drawbacks. In my experience, the bitterness you are shown when the "ghetto" is escaped is the person's self-loathing and anger that they could not draw up their courage and wits, make a solid plan for a better life and then put the plan into action. They either would not, or could not...now they haven't and you're doing it is just a reminder of that, therefore in their mind worthy of hatred. And bitterness is a very stubborn poison; it colors a person's reasoning skills and changes them. So the victim will hate seeing another person, be, do or have what they themselves wanted. You can't un-bitter these people; carefully map out your move in all aspects if that is what you have decided to do, and make your move at the correct time. Once you have become a success, why not start a couple of scholarship programs at the school in your home town...say one fund for students who aspire to attend college and one fund for students whose plans involve vocational or technical school. Vo-tech education is what got me out of the "ghetto"
So tell us, Emigrations, were your friends and family crying and gnashing their teeth when you got that great job in Iowa and moved away, too? Or is it because you couldn't make a go of it up there as well that they now have misgivings about your keeping a job wherever you live?
Frankly, the posts you make in the Tennessee forum, where people constantly refute your posts, where you relentlessly put down the area even though others thrive, may be the reason you are getting the reaction that you get.
OP: I've read numerous posts by you over the last year or so on the Tennessee forum. I have been amazed at how rude you have been at times to newcomers asking for info there. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, negative or positive, but you can express your views respectfully, especially to those that have been polite. I realize you are still very young, perhaps some of your attitude comes from your family, and the fact that it is hard in the real world . . . No place is perfect, but don't take out your frustrations on others because of your own unhappiness.
I wish you well and hope this move proves to be successful for you, and a learning experience.
Last edited by smpliving; 02-08-2014 at 09:32 AM..
Appalachia really isn't THAT different from an all black inner city ghetto. Its just a rural white ghetto, but many of the same problems apply.
LMAO, based on what personal experience? Talk about it when you have actually lived around one of those inner city ghettos, you have NO idea wtf you are talking about.
I talked to a few more personal friends last night. While none of them are as outspoken or political as I am, most expressed their own misgivings about safety and lack of opportunity in east Tennessee, and two of three had small kids. One really struggled trying to work a professional job for a few years in Kingsport. He went back to the local fast food chain he worked at as a kid and is doing better as a manager. He'll soon have his own shop.
The people I'm rude to are the ones relocating from states that are far healthier economically and have no plan. They deserve to be scolded for their own lack of research and they seem to want high quality northern schools, along with low TN taxes and cheap property. They're likely better off where they are than coming here.
I don't get this same downbeat vibe outside of core Appalachia. I really like the core SC cities and I'm not super excited about the location, but I need the money bad enough and the offer is generous enough to not hold out.
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