Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Whenever I write on a topic, I am heavily invested in promulgating the use of the only tool open to man to discover reality and to deal with reality: Reason. So whether it's politics, philosophy, economics, science, whatever it might be, I will passionately suggest that one abandon mysticism or emotionalism and adopt reason as the appropriate tool to solve the problem. Which it always is.
I stumbled upon this thread and saw a lack of common sense displayed not only by the OP, but by some of the responses offered. What I did not detect was a good dose of Reality, so I thought I would jump in and supply what was obviously missing.
You think I'm a fanatic here? This is me being mellow. Get me going on collectivism or climate change...
Nice try, but I'm not buying it. If you were animated only by reason the nature and number of your posts would be very different. Reason would tell us that sexual desire is a normal urge and you would have no cause to condemn the OP's father in such overwrought language. He was irresponsible to the extent of not using birth control, or at least not inquiring if his partner was using it. But I am not convinced you are that upset about such a failure of responsibility, as much as we might all deplore it. You are deluding yourself in seeking to deny your own emotionalism. Something else is going on.
Nice try, but I'm not buying it. If you were animated only by reason the nature and number of your posts would be very different. Reason would tell us that sexual desire is a normal urge and you would have no cause to condemn the OP's father in such overwrought language. He was irresponsible to the extent of not using birth control, or at least not inquiring if his partner was using it. But I am not convinced you are that upset about such a failure of responsibility, as much as we might all deplore it. You are deluding yourself in seeking to deny your own emotionalism. Something else is going on.
You are making the same mistake as the OP. Worrying about the character or characteristics of the person who he wants to meet. The guy who donated the sperm is irrelevant. He could be a great guy. Or he could be a bad guy. Or he could be a nobody. The problem is the OP is looking for a father in the romantic sense, someone who provides an answer to a longing and a void. He won't find it in someone who he has never met, years after it is too late. He could pick some old guy to be his father in Aisle 3 in Shop Rite - Prepared Foods and Rice. Same difference.
My suggestion was simply to look for the answers in the correct place. Within his existing family, whatever form that might have taken, and within himself. If the answers cannot be found there, they cannot be found anywhere.
I do think it is a sign of disrespect for his mother to be searching out this guy. But he is going to do whatever he wants. Hopefully he asked his mom what she thinks of this plan and she is supporting it.
You are not thinking. You are feeling. Feeling is not a means of cognition or dealing with reality. The reality is this man is not your father and will never be your father. You cannot create a father out of thin air. It takes years of love and commitment and sacrifice to qualify as being a "father". This man is nothing. The biological accident is meaningless. Your search for him is meaningless. You can meet this random man, but he will never be your father and he ultimately is of no more importance than a total stranger.
Stop giving in to irrational feelings. Some people don't get to have a father. You are one of those people. Case closed. Just don't repeat his mistake. Don't create any fatherless children of the future. That is the ONLY lesson you can learn from this abject contemptible loser. Trying to meet him isn't neutral, it's negative. He is what he did, period.
The OP does not expect this man to be a father to her or it does not sound like that. She is just curious and that is normal for someone who has not seen a parent. Even just seeing what he looks like may help.
People cheat and what he did was wrong but the past is the past. He could have changed and even may acknowledge his wrong doing which may help the OP.
No matter how he responds at least you know you tried and I hope if he is not open to this you won't take it personally.
The OP does not expect this man to be a father to her or it does not sound like that. She is just curious and that is normal for someone who has not seen a parent. Even just seeing what he looks like may help.
People cheat and what he did was wrong but the past is the past. He could have changed and even may acknowledge his wrong doing which may help the OP.
No matter how he responds at least you know you tried and I hope if he is not open to this you won't take it personally.
"His" and "he".
Thank you for your input. It's just like you say, I don't expect us to be best friends.
Whenever I write on a topic, I am heavily invested in promulgating the use of the only tool open to man to discover reality and to deal with reality: Reason.
The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.
(Blaise Pascal - mathematician, physicist, defender of the scientific method)
I do think it is a sign of disrespect for his mother to be searching out this guy. But he is going to do whatever he wants. Hopefully he asked his mom what she thinks of this plan and she is supporting it.
Of course I've spoken with her and she fully supports me. My mother has been very good to me, I would never do something to hurt her.
Stop giving in to irrational feelings. Some people don't get to have a father. You are one of those people. Case closed. Just don't repeat his mistake. Don't create any fatherless children of the future. That is theONLY lesson you can learn from this abject contemptible loser. Trying to meet him isn't neutral, it's negative. He is what he did, period.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc Paolella
You are making the same mistake as the OP. Worrying about the character or characteristics of the person who he wants to meet. The guy who donated the sperm is irrelevant. He could be a great guy. Or he could be a bad guy. Or he could be a nobody. The problem is the OP is looking for a father in the romantic sense, someone who provides an answer to a longing and a void. He won't find it in someone who he has never met, years after it is too late. He could pick some old guy to be his father in Aisle 3 in Shop Rite - Prepared Foods and Rice. Same difference.....
No, I am not "worrying about the character or characteristics of the person who (sic) he wants to meet". Quite the opposite - I was responding to your concern about them (see the quote from the first post above).
You are now changing your tune and the inconsistency is blatant. Which is it, in your opinion? Is the biological father an "abject contemptible loser" (as you stated) or is the character of the person "irrelevant" (as you also stated). You cannot have it both ways.
Of course I've spoken with her and she fully supports me. My mother has been very good to me, I would never do something to hurt her.
OK good. In any case different viewpoints have been presented. Hopefully the debate was thought provoking to the participants as well as future readers facing this issue. Unfortunately, due to the sorry state of our society, many more kids will face the dilemma of irresponsible absent parents. That seems to be the way many people roll nowadays.
The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.
(Blaise Pascal - mathematician, physicist, defender of the scientific method)
The heart doesn't have any "reasons"; it is a pump. So the quote above is absurd, and represents an incorrect and even foolish statement made by an otherwise intelligent person. Proving nobody is perfect. Pascal demonstrated a common trait known as compartmentalized madness. Humans are able to act rationally and achieve great things in one area, while at the same time exhibiting insanity in other areas. Pascal was an irrationalist and a subjectivist, but was nevertheless able to exhibit genius in his mathematical pursuits.
When it comes to philosophy, however, I would pretty much disregard everything he wrote. It's mostly irrational gobbledygook.
Thank you for your input. It's just like you say, I don't expect us to be best friends.
I am sorry that is why I should not skim a post.
I am glad you don't expect to be best friends and I think your mindset towards this is healthy and rational.
Marc the OP dad has no clue he is even alive. Though the OP cheated and that is irresponsible that was in the past. He may have learned from his mistake and become a better person. The OP father did not even have a chance to take responsibility for his actions since he did not know the lady had the child. I don't see how the OP is like you stated looking for a father in the romantic sense to fill a void. I see the OP just being curious which is natural. I would never want a relationship with my bio dad because after 35 years there is no excuse or reason he can have that would make up for not being there. That being said there is still a curiosity of what he is like.
OP you seem like a caring person so I hope you hear but also hope you keep somewhat guarded so you don't get hurt. He is a stranger so to speak.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You cannot have it both ways.
