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yep. tear starts to form, a smack and "dont you dare start to cry".
Our parents used the phrase "we brought you into this world and we can take you out of it". They meant it and we had no doubt about that.
Yep. "I'll give you something to cry about."
People saying a person should just walk away...that doesn't always work with bullies. In fact, it probably never does.
Giving them what they are dishing out, however, usually does make them stop.
It's simple logic. If you knew you could hit someone and nothing would happen to you, you might continue hitting them. If you knew you'd get hit back just as hard or harder if you hit someone, you'd at least think twice.
I don't get the slapping kids to teach them respect thing. As far as I can tell, getting knocked around by our parents just made my siblings and I do our smack-talking and bad behaviors behind our parents' backs. We didn't learn respect, we learned to avoid getting hit. I learned to think hateful or sad thoughts without letting them show on my face, which I guess is kind of a life skill, but...ugh.
My grandmother, on the other hand...I wouldn't have considered disrespecting her, to her face, behind her back, even in my own head, and she gained that level of respect without ever laying a hand on me. That's true respect, done out of love, not out of fear of punishment.
Are you saying that your parents were bullies, but because they were your parents, it was okay?
I was in my 40's when I finally told my mother that what I wanted from her was for her to treat me the same way she would treat her friends or someone who wasn't "family."
She looked completely confused and said something like "but then we wouldn't have a close relationship."
I told her I don't want a relationship where someone doesn't treat me with the same respect they would give someone outside the family.
She wasn't able to do that for me. Her idea of being "close" was to be incredibly cruel, and expect to get away with it, because she was my "mother." And I finally chose to let the relationship go, along with the rest of my abusive relatives. And I don't miss them. I grieve the dream of having a nice family, but that's not what I got this go 'round.
You don't have to let someone abuse you just because you share DNA.
Last edited by NoMoreSnowForMe; 05-27-2014 at 12:13 AM..
Right now I'm pissed off and this just happened a couple hours ago (I'm a girl BTW). Just got into an heated argument with her. After exchanging words, she slapped me kinda of hard and then I turned around and slapped her back. My slap wasn't even hard comparing to hers; would have done it harder if it were a friend or someone else.
Part of me feels guilty but then I dunno. She started it. Yet, she was totally shocked as if not expecting it. We're not on speaking terms at this moment.
Or should I have just walked away as my older brother suggested. He thinks I was still in the wrong and is also not speaking to me. What was also upsetting is he brought back the ''But I walked away remember'' last year's argument with him as well too. I slapped him because he was being a total jerk. At the point, I got upset and told him to just get out of my room and how this stupid comparison was no where similar to what just happened. They are both acting like I'm the only one in the wrong. I don't think so.
Or I'm I really the wrong one? Though I'm pissed off right now, I'm also feeling some guilt at the same time.
One should never slap one's parent or an older sibling (especially an adult older sibling) unless it is a medical emergency and this would help somehow. I agree with your older brother that you should have just walked away instead of slapping your mother. Two wrongs definitely don't make a right!
Are you saying that your parents were bullies, but because they were your parents, it was okay?
When did i say my parents were bullies? My Parents disciplined me when it was needed. When the punishment was corporal I remembered it for a very long time and tried my best to never do it again. When it was a timeout or a talking to I would laugh to myself and think "Ha Ha, I got away with it!"
My parents spanking, slapping, or doing whatever to me was never abuse. Maybe to you it was but ya know what? I honored my Mother and Father. Maybe i preferred a grounding to a spanking but we didnt get to choose the punishment. We misbehaved and we had to deal with the consequences. Not once did i ever think that i was some princess or bit of royalty or something that shouldnt be punished.
When I moved out when I was 17 and started paying my own bills and such then my parents began treating me like an adult. However when i was in their house it was their rules regardless of how old anyone was. They may not have spanked or slapped you but youd find yourself standing outside with a sore tail-end.
Sorry - no matter what an 18 year old does not slap her mother over a discussion about a boyfriend; not to mention the other comments along the line of only slapping back when getting slapped by others. Slaps 'R Us?
We are turning into a nation of pacifists and door mats. I can't believe people are giving OP crap for slapping her mother back. Had her mother started wailing on her, would it be ok to fight back or should she take the ass kicking while trying to spread peace and love? What a joke. And we wonder why bullying is so out of control now in schools. Just tell the bully how you feel. lol
OP, your mom will think twice before slapping you again. Don't feel bad for fighting back. people who "take it" usually end up being victims their entire lives. People will take advantage of you if you let them. That's just something that some can't seem to accept. Especially when it's family. Unfortunately, I see it all the time. They keep "talking" and think idle threats are eventually going to get through. You didn't make the first strike, you just finished it. You did nothing wrong here. The incidence with your brother, that's a different situation. You were wrong there.
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