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My dad has a brain disorder where he sometimes has no recollection of events. It's under control with meds, he sees a doctor about once every 3 months for checkups, and so far has not caused any major issues or progressed beyond events. However, it still sometimes causes awkward moments.
For example, he is visiting for the weekend and last night wondered if I had seen American Hustle and if it was any good. We watched American Hustle together a few months ago. I just said it wasn't that great (he thought it was mediocre) and we watched another movie instead.
Should I have said "we watched this already?" I am not sure whether or not it is embarrassing to him to be reminded of something that he forgets, especially if it is not something important, like watching a movie. My mom likes fighting with him (nothing new) so will usually make a big deal out of anything he forgets just to stick it to him, which I think is kind of mean. However, maybe it's the right thing to do? I don't know. How do you manage situations like this? If you have memory issues yourself, do you want to be told every time that you forgot something?
The only time a person with memory issues should be "reminded" of something they have forgotten is if it has to do with a situation that regards a commitment, money, or something of importance that would affect their lives if they forgot about their decision.
For example, my husband has memory issues, and last week, he brought something up that he had already made a decision about. I said - we discussed this last week and decided XXX. He insisted we did not discuss it and no decision had been made. At that point, I realized he was getting angry and upset with my continuing to say we HAD made a decision, so I revisted the entire topic again and asked him what he thought we should do, etc. He came to the same conclusion for the second time. I told him that maybe it would be helpful if we kept a calendar and when we made "big" decisions, wrote something down about it on the calendar.
I don't know that this will "solve" anything, but if I can show him something on a piece of paper, perhaps he will not be so upset and angry (or confused) when I tell him - yes, we did discuss this before.
However, on most things, such as my hubby not remembering a movie we saw, or that we ate at a particular restaurant, or repeating things that he had told me earlier and not realizing he was repeating them . . . I just let it slip by and dont even remark about it. It isn't as though it will help to tell him - NO - we already saw that movie . . . If he doesn't remember, then to him, HE NEVER SAW THE MOVIE, lol. I try to keep this in mind.
It is easy to get frustrated with folks who are dealing with memory loss, but it really is best to carefully choose when to make an "issue" out of it. The contention and arguing is definitely NOT helpful.
In your Dad's case his memory problems are caused by a medical condition. Thus, I would recommend just letting it go when he forgets things. When people have memory problems due to illness, it's a losing battle to keep saying things like, "Yes, we saw this movie. Don't you remember?" Or, "Yes, we discussed this issue already."
While, certainly, it can get frustrating, it's best to let it go.
The only time a person with memory issues should be "reminded" of something they have forgotten is if it has to do with a situation that regards a commitment, money, or something of importance that would affect their lives if they forgot about their decision.
For example, my husband has memory issues, and last week, he brought something up that he had already made a decision about. I said - we discussed this last week and decided XXX. He insisted we did not discuss it and no decision had been made. At that point, I realized he was getting angry and upset with my continuing to say we HAD made a decision, so I revisted the entire topic again and asked him what he thought we should do, etc. He came to the same conclusion for the second time. I told him that maybe it would be helpful if we kept a calendar and when we made "big" decisions, wrote something down about it on the calendar.
I don't know that this will "solve" anything, but if I can show him something on a piece of paper, perhaps he will not be so upset and angry (or confused) when I tell him - yes, we did discuss this before.
However, on most things, such as my hubby not remembering a movie we saw, or that we ate at a particular restaurant, or repeating things that he had told me earlier and not realizing he was repeating them . . . I just let it slip by and dont even remark about it. It isn't as though it will help to tell him - NO - we already saw that movie . . . If he doesn't remember, then to him, HE NEVER SAW THE MOVIE, lol. I try to keep this in mind.
It is easy to get frustrated with folks who are dealing with memory loss, but it really is best to carefully choose when to make an "issue" out of it. The contention and arguing is definitely NOT helpful.
My husband also has memory problems due to brain damage.
anifani has great tips in her post.
Most of the time it is just best to "let it go" if the person doesn't remember something.
I have lupus and suffer from memory problems. It hurts my feelings when people point out that I've forgotten something. It makes me feel stupid My kids would laugh at me sometimes (not to be mean, but sometimes with memory stuff, things can be funny). I finally had to tell them not to laugh because it made me feel badly
I would not even bring it up unless it was important.
I remember when my father's uncle died, and he had to drive my grandmother to her brother's funeral 300 miles away. She had Alzheimer's, and every 20 minutes or so, she'd ask, "where are we going?" He'd say, "we're driving home from Joliet, Ma." Shed brighten up and say, "oh, were we visiting Larry? How is he?" And for some utterly inexplicable reason, it never occurred to him to lie - every time she asked, he'd say, "well, no, Ma... Larry's dead. We were at his funeral." And every time, she was absolutely devastated, until however long it took her to forget it and ask again.
He told me later it was the most painful 4 hours of his life, and I asked him, "Jesus, dad... why didn't you just lie to her? Tell her you were coming home from someplace else, or that yeah, Larry was doing fine?" He looked flabbergasted for a minute, and said it had never entered his mind.
So I guess the moral is, while it's true that honesty is almost always the best policy, sometimes there are situations where it's best just to let it go and not remind someone of something they're probably happier forgetting.
My dad has a brain disorder where he sometimes has no recollection of events. It's under control with meds, he sees a doctor about once every 3 months for checkups, and so far has not caused any major issues or progressed beyond events. However, it still sometimes causes awkward moments.
For example, he is visiting for the weekend and last night wondered if I had seen American Hustle and if it was any good. We watched American Hustle together a few months ago. I just said it wasn't that great (he thought it was mediocre) and we watched another movie instead.
Should I have said "we watched this already?" I am not sure whether or not it is embarrassing to him to be reminded of something that he forgets, especially if it is not something important, like watching a movie. My mom likes fighting with him (nothing new) so will usually make a big deal out of anything he forgets just to stick it to him, which I think is kind of mean. However, maybe it's the right thing to do? I don't know. How do you manage situations like this? If you have memory issues yourself, do you want to be told every time that you forgot something?
I've known people like this and I imagine it's pretty embarrassing for him. I think it depends on the situation. I will gently call them on it if it's something important, like medication or a significant event. Otherwise, I'll just let it be. Losing control of your memory, or anything else when it comes to your health, can be a huge blow. I don't want to make them feel worse than they might feel already.
I have memory problems because of my Auto Immune Liver Disease but it is not events it is words.
At times I know what word I want to use but I just can't get it to process completely out of my brain and to my mouth to speak the word or to my fingers to type the word.
I am not embarrassed by any of it because I have no control over this issue and it isn't an "always" thing, it happens from time to time.
There is nothing to be embarrassed about and it seems others are the one with the complaint when the one they are complaining about has no control over any of it.
My MIL sometimes has memory issues, especially when she is going through a stressful time. We get used to having to repeat answers to the same question over and over. Sometimes she will ask the name of a movie or actor 4 or 5 times during the movie. At first we would tell her that she just asked us that. After a while we just learned it's easier and quicker just to repeat the answer. It hurts no one.
I think the worst time she forgot something was when she told me on the phone that a close relative, who had a short but terminal illness, had passed away. I rushed out and sent a condolence card to the family when I didn't get an answer at their home phone. Then the next day, MIL sez "I wonder how Bill is doing?". I felt my heart drop, had I sent a condolence card to someone who wasn't dead yet??? I said "MOM you said Bill died yesterday!!!" She sez "I did??? Well then I guess he's dead." I am freaking out! I mean is he or is he not dead? Did I commit the ultimate faux pas by sending condolences to a terminally ill person before they're dead? My sense of panic was almost tragi-comic. I mean if it had been on a sit-com it would have been funny, but we're talking about a man we truly cared for and had just lost. Eventually we did learn that it was true, but man I was panicked for a few hours.
My MIL sometimes has memory issues, especially when she is going through a stressful time. We get used to having to repeat answers to the same question over and over. Sometimes she will ask the name of a movie or actor 4 or 5 times during the movie. At first we would tell her that she just asked us that. After a while we just learned it's easier and quicker just to repeat the answer. It hurts no one.
I think the worst time she forgot something was when she told me on the phone that a close relative, who had a short but terminal illness, had passed away. I rushed out and sent a condolence card to the family when I didn't get an answer at their home phone. Then the next day, MIL sez "I wonder how Bill is doing?". I felt my heart drop, had I sent a condolence card to someone who wasn't dead yet??? I said "MOM you said Bill died yesterday!!!" She sez "I did??? Well then I guess he's dead." I am freaking out! I mean is he or is he not dead? Did I commit the ultimate faux pas by sendingcondolences to a terminally ill person before they're dead? My sense of panic was almost tragi-comic. I mean if it had been on a sit-com it would have been funny, but we're talking about a man we truly cared for and had just lost. Eventually we did learn that it was true, but man I was panicked for a few hours.
Of course, memory loss is not funny but your story is an example of the serious difficulties/situations that can happen.
It makes my husband's nonsensical telephone messages that he writes for me seem pretty mild.
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My kids would laugh at me sometimes (not to be mean, but sometimes with memory stuff, things can be funny). I finally had to tell them not to laugh because it made me feel badly 
