We never really know what goes on behind closed doors - cousin supposedly molested, family in chaos. (girlfriend, father)

[Serious Conversation]

My grandfather's nephew (let's call him "Clyde") married a woman (let's call her "Bonnie") back around 2000 when they were around 30. Clyde had one daughter (let's call her "Gertrude," who is 20 now), but was divorced from the mother, who came out as lesbian. Bonnie had two kids of her own from a previous marriage. Clyde and Bonnie later had two more kids for a total of five under one roof for awhile.

The whole family was pretty close to my grandfather and visited several times a year from FL to TN for many years, as my grandfather was the last remaining family member Clyde had on that side of the family. After my grandfather died in 2009, communication became less and less. He still communicates with my grandmother maybe twice a year, whereas used to be every few weeks. I added "Gertrude" on Facebook and she was living with her mother at the time, and apparently had quite the issue with eating disorders, and had been in and out of rehabilitation for that. She seemed to want to know an undue amount of information about her father, whom she said she stopped talking to, and it was information I simply didn't have as he never called or returned calls.

I tried to keep in touch with her, but every time we talked it was always if I knew something about her father, what that side of the family (that she never talked to either) was doing, her eating disorder issues, etc. The little communication my grandmother had with Clyde was also about his personal and financial problems. I eventually just gave up dealing with them as it was obvious these folks were crazier than a sack full of cats. A couple years ago she said she was going to school in NC, and the last time I talked to her, I asked her if she was at that school, which she said "she didn't feel comfortable disclosing" because I may "tell her father." This was last year. She was not in the publicly available student directory for this school, which disclosed names and phone numbers.

Clyde ended up adding my parents to Facebook and apparently he is now taking care of the 18 year old girlfriend and baby of Bonnie's son (who is probably 20 or so himself), who has been kicked out for some undisclosed reason. Their personal lives are still a complete disaster and now they have two middle school aged children.

Curiosity got the better of me several weeks ago and I googled Gertrude's name and the first thing that popped up was "rape survivor." She detailed where her Clyde beat her and Bonnie's son raped her for about eight years. This was the first Google result that popped up when you search her full name. According to her, DCF got involved (as she was under 18 at the time) but I tried to find any public record of Clyde or the son having legal issues, and found nothing relevant. The whole family are not speaking terms and still appear to be crazy by their FB posts. Gertrude seems to be particularly bad.

I haven't told anyone else in my family, as we really have little to no communication with Clyde, and no communication from anyone else. Should I show this stuff to the rest of the family? I don't want to have my grandmother more disappointed in Clyde than she already is, and Clyde meant the world to my grandfather, who would be sick to know how these people are living.

Do you think we ever really know what goes on behind closed doors and how much we do know is lie vs. truth?

[Ten Cat]

Ugh, what a disaster, sounds like my Stepmother's family

I would just lay low if I were you. People love to 'kill' the messenger, you know...

[BirdieBelle]

Originally Posted by Emigrations

I haven't told anyone else in my family, as we really have little to no communication with Clyde, and no communication from anyone else.

If you tell anyone, at this point it is just gossip for this reason ^^^.

Stay out of it, and stay away from them.

And of course we never know what really goes on in people's lives.

[willow wind]

I agree with the others. Stay as far away from this situation as you can. Gertrude is an adult. Let her decide how to proceed. She has internet access. She can research into statutes of limitations, etc. If what she says is true and she wants to involve the police, etc., it's her decision. If it's not true, then she needs the kind of help you can't offer.

Involve yourself with this whole group and it's just going to create "he said, she said ", and a whole lot more craziness & dysfunction on top of what is already there. And for sure, it will all be your fault as they will all look for a scapegoat, rather than owning responsibility.

[Serious Conversation]

I think Clyde has always been a bit of an imbecile. In 2004, he came into the house wearing a Bush reelection shirt, and my grandfather was a die-hard Democrat. He was also very preachy on that visit with his Assemblies of God gospel. I'm not religious and no one in the family who was religious belonged to that denomination. I was always thought he was a bit tacky in that regard.

They had three kids already going into the marriage on an average income then have two more. Blending families is going to create some friction anyway, and having two more children (who presumably will get more attention) is going to make the older ones resentful.

I'm not sure what played a part in "Gertrude's" obvious problems. Clyde has always said she's a liar , but I've found "inaccuracies" about him as well.

To me the only thing that is certain is that the whole lot are crazy. I really have no contact with them, but I thought it was interesting the more I ferreted around.