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I'm in a situation right now where someone in my life (a mean, negative person) is picking on someone else in my life (a kind, somewhat passive person). Although this does not affect me directly, I'm finding myself getting obsessed about it and trying to get the kind person to "see the light" about the mean person.
The kind person avoids conflict at all costs, and so she just sits there and takes whatever the mean person dishes out. She also makes excuse after excuse for the mean person, saying that her intimidating and demeaning ways are "no big deal". I want to SHAKE the kind person and get her to see that she is being mistreated and does not have to take it. But she doesn't seem to want to see reality, and she continues to make excuses for the mean person.
What I want is to detach from this drama and let it play out between the two of them, because the drama IS between them. It doesn't involve me. I don't know why I feel the need to play the "protector" here, because all that's doing is drawing me into the middle of the drama.
Does anyone have suggestions as to how I can resist my urge to "rescue" in a situation like this?
It's natural to want to be the "protector". Especially when someone you care about is being mistreated.
You've done what you could. You tried to get the "kind person" to see what is going on and she refuses to do so. Yes, it's frustrating but some people have to find out the hard way.
I once worked with a person who wanted to transfer to another department because it was a better job with better hours. The person in the new department that she would be working for was a dislikeable person who mistreated her employees plus she had high turnover. Everybody told the one who wanted to transfer how bad an idea it was. Yet, she ignored it all and said that she had to see for herself. Well...she got the job, and she saw for herself! What she saw was that everybody who warned her was correct.
In situations like this, all you can do is warn a person. You can't force them to listen.
Hard as it may be, you need to step aside and watch all of this unfold.
If both of these people are in your life, then why not have a talk with the mean person about why she treats the kind person this way. Ask her what's the problem if you are not afraid of taking sides. Sounds like a bully to me.
It's natural to want to be the "protector". Especially when someone you care about is being mistreated.
You've done what you could. You tried to get the "kind person" to see what is going on and she refuses to do so. Yes, it's frustrating but some people have to find out the hard way.
I once worked with a person who wanted to transfer to another department because it was a better job with better hours. The person in the new department that she would be working for was a dislikeable person who mistreated her employees plus she had high turnover. Everybody told the one who wanted to transfer how bad an idea it was. Yet, she ignored it all and said that she had to see for herself. Well...she got the job, and she saw for herself! What she saw was that everybody who warned her was correct.
In situations like this, all you can do is warn a person. You can't force them to listen.
Hard as it may be, you need to step aside and watch all of this unfold.
You're right, I can't force her to listen. It's just that this has been a pattern in her life - being mistreated (she confided this to me) - so to see it happening to her again is so upsetting. I also think she doesn't quite understand why I don't like the mean person, or won't understand, and that is disrupting our relationship because we're on two different pages.
I have watched this unfold for some time, and it doesn't seem like the nice person is going to fight back any time soon. But, really, this isn't my battle to fight.
If both of these people are in your life, then why not have a talk with the mean person about why she treats the kind person this way. Ask her what's the problem if you are not afraid of taking sides. Sounds like a bully to me.
I think that would be placing myself directly in the middle of this drama, and I don't want to be there.
Then I would avoid both of them as much as possible. Good luck
Thanks. I really think that's best. Both the kind one and the mean one are acting like children - the kind one in that she isn't standing up for herself and enforcing healthy boundaries, and the mean one in that she's acting like a bully. Neither behavior is healthy.
Why bother with the drama? Why would you even want to be friends with the "mean" person? Pick one or the other or drop both of your "friends". Life is too short.
Why bother with the drama? Why would you even want to be friends with the "mean" person? Pick one or the other or drop both of your "friends". Life is too short.
Are you in middle or high school? Just curious...
It's not a friendship situation. I can't get into details here unfortunately.
It's not a friendship situation. I can't get into details here unfortunately.
And no.
Then I am confused. Why post and ask for suggestions on a public forum if you can't get into the details?
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