Giving wedding gift when the other couple didn't get me one...
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I'm attending a wedding soon and that couple didn't get me anything when I got married. So should I get them something?
No. Unless the bride and/or groom is from a culture where gift/cash giving is extremely important, people usually say that your presence at the wedding is what truly matters, not whether you got a gift or not.
I kinda feel this way either go with a gift or don't attend.
But don't go and purposely not bring a gift, a wedding is a happy day for bride and groom, families and friends.
I didn't read all the post, but I wonder did they send you a gift and it was lost in the mail, or somehow got misplaced at the reception. This is quite common.
I can certainly understand not wanting to read a long thread but I think people should at least scroll through to read all the posts from the OP to truly understand the thread before asking a question. Sometimes if I feel I need to make a comment but haven't read much past the first page, I make my comment and apologize if it has been already made by others but I don't ask others to recap the long thread for me. Read the pet peeves thread in About the Forum posts # 132 and # 133.
I didn't read all the post, but I wonder did they send you a gift and it was lost in the mail, or somehow got misplaced at the reception. This is quite common.
Read the posts... your speculations are way off base here.
True story: When my husband's sister, and his brother, were married, both couples left the unopened wedding checks with my mother in law while they went on their honeymoons. She opened every one of them, to see if everyone "met their obligation", which to her, meant they had at least covered the cost of the dinners they ate. Now, I wondered, how did they know what the cost of the dinners was? First I ever heard of such a thing.I was appalled.
And, my daughter had attended two couples weddings and gave generous checks. Both couples attended her wedding sat at the same table, and both gave no card or gift. A mother and (adult) daughter who attended both my daughters' weddings gave no gifts at either one.
And I would like to add, my kids and now my grandkids, were brought up to write thank you notes.It's called good manners.
Maybe it's the custom in my part of the US, but you give a gift or you don't go. (CT)
It isn't a regional thing. It is taught and should be followed by everyone. If you attend a wedding you send or take a gift. If you are invited and can't attend you definitely send regrets and many people still send a gift. And everybody writes Thank You notes.
We were invited to the wedding of my husband's co worker's son. We had attended several social events with the young couple and my husband and his co worker were great friends. We took a generous gift card to Home Depot because we knew they had purchased a brand new home.
After 6.5 months and we hadn't received a Thank You card I became worried our gift card had been stolen at the reception or gotten lost. We decided my husband would inquire of the groom's father (co worker of DH) if any gifts or cards had been missing or stolen because we had received no acknowledgement. I asked DH to please not use the words " Thank You card" but instead to say "acknowledgement". Co worker/father said we were the 6th people to ask the same question in the past few weeks and when he inquired if any other guests had received acknowledgement he and his wife were horrified to learn the couple had not bothered to write one thank you note since they got married. And not just for wedding gifts but for several showers where they were honored. This was a college educated couple from good homes. He had a $100,000 job straight out of college and she was staying home fixing up her new home. Sometimes money and education does not translate to class and manners.
Finally after the co worker/father told his son how embarrassed he was to be asked, the couple sat down and slowly churned out the thank you notes but some people did not receive their card until 8 or 9 months after the wedding. But by this time she was pregnant so everybody figured she was only doing it hoping for baby gifts. Nobody offered to give a baby shower so finally her mother did (tacky for family to give a baby shower)and it was poorly attended. I sent regrets.
If you want. But don't feel obligated. They obviously didn't.
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