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I normally avoid people like this when I can but what if a parent is like this? My dad calls me every week at a time he knows I'm available and the conversation starts out pleasant but it isn't long before he starts complaining about everything....his job, finances, relatives, the weather, what's on TV, the traffic in town, the local sports team. I can be feeling good before he calls and then find myself drained and feeling crappy afterwards.
He is judgmental and criticizes others for doing things that make them happy (whether it be a relative who travels or strangers that are eating out asking "how do they get all that money"?) It's not like he's completely desitute. He owns toys (motorcycle, boat) and doesn't seem to understand that he could afford to go on more vacations and eat out more if his money wasn't tied up in his toys (which he only enjoys several months a year due to weather).
He never does anything about his problems. He complains about not making enough money but doesn't send out resumes ("nobody will hire me at my age"). He doesn't sell any of his things that could lower his debt ("it's a hassle").
You might say don't answer the phone. If I don't answer, then he'll call again and again. When we do talk again, he's mention that he called almost expecting me to give him a reason why I didn't answer. He'll sometimes drop in without calling. Yet he complains if someone else drops in on him without calling.
He's not a horrible guy but it seems that I've become his therapist and get the brunt of his negativity. From everything I've read, there is no changing people like this. Responding to his pessimism with optimism doesn't help. Any ideas on keeping myself in a positive frame of mind without limiting contact?
Learn how to cut off the conversations b/f they become negative.
Quit allowing yourself to be used as his therapist. If you were not so sympathetic and willing to listen to the complaints, then he would not be so quick to call.
Here was my recent speel to my mom on the issue, "I love you, but I can't listen to this stuff, I have to stay calm and positive. Now, I'll take your phone calls, but I'm not going to go into details and absolutely nothing about my personal life. I just can't do it anymore."
About the most my family members get out of me is "Yep" "Nope" "Okay" end of discussion.
My mom used to do that.
I said, "Can we stop talking about complaining/negative things all the time? Especially the stuff you repeat? I don't want to talk about that anymore."
has Dad always been this way or is it relatively new behavior? If new, time for a doctor visit.
If always, that's a shame. I have had similar experiences and find I have to avoid them and make the phone call when I have a glass of wine and a good distraction in front of me (I play solitare on my ipad during boring phone convos)
has Dad always been this way or is it relatively new behavior? If new, time for a doctor visit.
If always, that's a shame. I have had similar experiences and find I have to avoid them and make the phone call when I have a glass of wine and a good distraction in front of me (I play solitare on my ipad during boring phone convos)
Always but I take the brunt of it now that my parents are divorced. LOL good strategy, maybe I should play video games when he calls.
Thanks all for the responses, perhaps there needs be more of a direct approach. I do make comments every once in awhile about his negativity but it goes in one ear and out the other.
I'm curious why your father seems to be the only one to choose the topics of your conversations on the phone. Couldn't you introduce topics that aren't negative?
Couldn't you introduce topics that aren't negative?
I do but then he starts complaining when we start running out of topics
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