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I was catching up with an old high school acquaintance over the weekend. He was the last person anyone would have expected to be gay (redneck, rebel flag waving, dipped, etc), but came out of the closet after college when he moved to California. He is getting married later in the year.
He said his coming out was a major ordeal and that he's no longer on speaking terms with one of his brothers because of it. His family is very traditional and homosexuality is not to be tolerated.
When told this, I remembered one of my best friends coming out to me a few years ago. His mother is pretty liberal and accepting. His dad never fully come around to it, but they weren't extremely close to begin with. There were always rumors about his homosexuality and it was very anticlimactic when he came out. Everyone who knew him pretty much already knew.
If you or someone close to you came out, was it a big deal and your life disrupted, or was it kind of a nonevent?
I know of a couple of people who came out. It was kind of a nonevent for me.
But I know people who can make it into a huge deal... IMO that's unneccesary.
For some of them, it was a huge traumatic event, mainly because of family members who shut them out.
For some of them, it turned out to be a huge non-event that they stressed over for nothing.
A friend of mine invited me out to dinner one night, and I could tell he was nervous about something. He tried to casually slip into conversation that he's gay and in a relationship with a guy. Convo went something like:
Him: So I think I may bring this guy I've been seeing to your party this weekend.
Me: Okay.
Him: Did you hear what I said?
Me: Yep.
Him: Did you hear me say that I've been seeing a guy?
Me: Uh huh. Are you going to finish that spicy tuna roll?
Him: That means I'm gay
Me: Uh huh.
Him: Aren't you going to react?
Me: Why would I? It doesn't define you. It doesn't change you or our friendship. So you're gay. All I care is that you're happy.
Him: Oh. Not what I was expecting.
I'm not sure why he expected a bigger reaction. It's no secret that I'm pretty accepting. I guess he assumed that everyone has a big reaction, one way or another. But there was nothing to react to. Nothing changed. Other than the fact that I had to remember to fix him up with my guy friends instead of my girl friends. ;-)
Of all of the LGBT friends I have had over the years, only one has felt the need to come out to me.... Because I pretty much knew from the time we started working together, it was a non-event
Hah. My best buddy is gay. He was out for years to pretty much everyone but family, but came out to his mother one year at Thanksgiving, just as she was removing the turkey from the oven and his boyfriend was pulling up out front with a casserole for dinner. It was kind of spectacular.
My mother was so excited when she found out that one of my closest friends was a gay man - I'm her not-good-at-being-a-girl only child, and she is the girliest of girly girls. She thought he would civilize me. I had to break it to her gently that we went truck shopping together, went on hikes and occasionally grabbed a steak dinner at our favorite pub. He did, however, agree with her on the idea that I should paint an accent wall in the condo I was renting.
If anyone i knew came out to me, i would not be shocked because i already know it. (gaydar).
i've never felt mad or sad about anyone telling me such a private thing like that. Most of the people i know just dont feel they are anything than being gay is a regular part of their life. No need to come out, they are just out all the time naturally.
Complete non-event. I'm straight, but I have more gay and bi friends than I do straight friends. It'd be no more momentous than "I bought a new CD today."
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