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Actually, I find the opposite - young people post photos of themselves in potentially compromising situations, bu far and away it is middle-aged folks who "let it all hang out". I see this both in public Facebook threads as well as in private statuses - people rant about ILs, exes, you name it. They mention them by name and go into great detail about the transgressions. I have rarely seen people in my age group do that.
I maintain that posting a status that I have registered for the coming semester is inherently different from posting rude comments about one's boss. With respect to the latter, the answer is, of course, to not ever say anything bad about one's supervisor or coworkers.
I have edited my privacy settings so he can henceforth no longer see my statuses.
I am not going to argue semantics with you and I am not going to try to defend myself against your claim that I am being "passive-aggressive". It is just not worth my time.
You are passive aggressive, though. I don't understand why you would block someone from seeing you on facebook, but then let them still have a friend status. You want him to think you're nice, but you're being sneaky and don't want to deal with him. That's passive aggressive.
I went to college in the 90s, so you're a little older than I am. That's the problem with the youth of today. They are very passive aggressive and very moody. I'm guessing the OP wants people to deal with her on facebook in only the way she wants. I don't know why she's posting something and getting mad when someone is polite and asking why she feels that way. The OP should not have friended him on facebook.
I didn't friend him, he friended me. I accepted the request because I thought he was being friendly.
Then he started messaging me constantly and asking me about everything, things that I post and things that I don't. I have never initiated contact with him, he's always the one messaging me.
I don't want to be rude to someone who doesn't deserve it.
I don't want to be accommodating to someone who is trying to stalk me.
You are passive aggressive, though. I don't understand why you would block someone from seeing you on facebook, but then let them still have a friend status. You want him to think you're nice, but you're being sneaky and don't want to deal with him. That's passive aggressive.
Exactly. OP needs to learn what passive/aggressive is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie
I think if you don't want a conversation, stop responding. I don't understand why people make attention seeking status updates, and then complain about the attention.
This.
Quote:
Originally Posted by raveabouttoast
Unfriend him.
If you don't regularly hang out in person and you find him awkward or frustrating, what benefit is there to having him be a Facebook friend? He's not adding anything to your life, so move on.
That's what I don't get. I really think it is a "numbers game", the more people I know on FB the more popular I am.
You stated that he contacts you once a week or every other week.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissMaria
Then he started messaging me constantly and asking me about everything, things that I post and things that I don't. I have never initiated contact with him, he's always the one messaging me.
So which is it - do you think he's harmless or a psycho stalkers?
Quote:
I don't want to be rude to someone who doesn't deserve it.
I don't want to be accommodating to someone who is trying to stalk me.
I wonder if there is or was something more to this...
People who responded to your thread are just trying to give you the benefit of their experience, and it's sounding like you don't want to listen, and your cup is already full. In that case this creepy guy is going to teach you a very painful and expensive lesson.
The question I asked, and the only question I asked, was if he seemed suspicious or simply socially awkward. That is the only opinion I am looking for.
Neither.
He's a very different age from you with a very different set of social norms. He's doing the same things your other friends are probably doing but in a way that you aren't used to. It strikes you as different or strange or creepy because you already have these notions about this person: That he either has to be a creep or autistic. Those are the only two possible explanations in your mind, therefore anything he does must be either to you.
The reality is that if you think he's either of those things, it doesn't matter what anyone else on the internet thinks. You're going to continue treating this person with your biases towards him because you think he's a weirdo. I'm not saying that's wrong or incorrect, but you should probably not lead him to believe that you consider him a friend when it's very apparent that he makes you uncomfortable.
I would invite you to objectively attempt to look at other posts or comments related to your Facebook posts from your "real friends" and I think you would find them astonishingly similar to his. Asking questions or having a genuine interest in the things you say and do, rather than the vapid "I liked your post that means I'm totally interested in the things you do what's your name again?" is something you're clearly not used to.
Not his fault. Actually that also makes you the one who's socially awkward, and he's just "Facebook awkward" like most people his age.
He messages me about most of the things I post, and asks questions that don't seem to be consistent with the level of friendship/acquaintanceship (I think) we have. If I knew someone tangentially and heard they were having marital problems, I wouldn't come right out and ask "Did you get divorced?" the next time I saw them.
FWIW, he posts fairly often and hardly anyone likes or comments. Maybe he's used to people PMing? I don't know.
I do have a few friends/acquaintances who are older than I am; thirties, forties, etc. Usually there's some kind of mentoring component to those interactions, and those people also don't message me to ask prodding questions (as another example - I posted a link to a job/internship fair for a particular industry, knowing at least a few of my FB friends might be interested. I mentioned that I might be going. He messaged me the following day:
"Hey, how are you?"
"I'm okay. You?"
"Good. Two things, one, did you find anyone to go to whatever it was you were going to?" (he wasn't and had never been interested in going himself.)
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I'm unsure about this situation because I don't know if he is responding the way he is because he has an ulterior motive, or because he just lacks social skills. Some people seem to think I'm being obtuse or immature, but I just wanted to get a second opinion.
You don't need a "Second" opinion. His behavior is obviously bothering you so why do you still engage with him?
Are you a Masochist?
He messages me about most of the things I post, and asks questions that don't seem to be consistent with the level of friendship/acquaintanceship (I think) we have.
I'm unsure about this situation because I don't know if he is responding the way he is because he has an ulterior motive, or because he just lacks social skills. Some people seem to think I'm being obtuse or immature, but I just wanted to get a second opinion.
This is my 'second opinion', do him a favour, unfriend him immediately and never talk to him again. He is better off talking to someone who will be honest and clear about their comfort zone and status of the friendship. Would you want to spend any time and effort showing interest in a guy if he was saying this behind your back?
However, I suspect that you will continue to talk to him while putting him down behind his back and under your breath. Perhaps you should ask yourself why you feel the need to do that as opposed to just being honest. I think you are afraid of unfriending him or not responding because you want to be liked by everyone.
I had a family member who had a blog. She had this blog when she was in college and I happened to find it when I was looking for something else. I began reading the blog from time to time and while I found it marginally interesting, I didn't think there was anything wrong in reading what someone wrote on the internet.
Time passed, I grew away from the blog. Suddenly, in my quest for something related to the military, I found another blog. Same person, different screen name. In the course of reading it, it became apparent that this person didn't want anyone she knew IRL to read her blog. So when I did read it, I kept my mouth shut about it.
Eventually, she found out that I was reading what she wrote and she "disowned" me. Even called me a "pain in the a$$ relative" and suggested that I could find better pursuits elsewhere.
Now it surely takes hubris to think that one can write about whatever one likes on a place as public as the internet and then decide who can and cannot be privy to it.
I sincerely hope that one day, people will understand that they cannot legislate who reads what they put out there. The safest tack is to keep it to yourself.
This person is making you uncomfortable. You are obviously an intelligent woman who doesn't need anyone to tell you what you need to do about it.
Oh, and as for friends? Your only friends are the ones who show up to help you move. Don't count on the rest.
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