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I was best friends with someone for about 10 to 15 yrs. We did a lot together and had fun however our relationship was always very one-sided. When I needed a friend to talk to, she would talk to me for about an hour and that was it. When she had a problem, it was all we ever talked about for months.
The last straw was how unreliable she was. We would make plans to do something, and she would cancel at the last minute about 50% to 70% of the time.
Finally, I had a enough and just told her I wouldn't make plans with her but that we could do things on the spur of the moment. She got mad and stopped talking to me for 2 yrs until last October. She wrote me an email saying she was in therapy and working on herself. She is paying $200 for a special therapist that specializes in cognitive therapy twice a week.
I was apprehensive but talked to her and even met her for lunch once, just to see if I noticed a change. Spoiler alert: I didn't. She started up again with her neediness and long phone calls of her "problems" and told me I was part of her "team to get better", so I just told her I didn't have time for phone calls or anything else, and left it at that. She emailed back that she understood but said maybe we could chat in a month or two and I said that would be fine. I wanted to give myself space to really decide how I felt about her friendship.
Well, I have never reached out to her nor she with me. I just didn't feel the same closeness that we had years ago plus I am scared of being hurt again by her.
My sister said I am being irrational and mean by not giving her grace and allowing her back in my life.
No, you are not being mean or irrational. The friendship was, as you say, very one-sided, and you did the right thing to back away from it. You are under no obligation to be your former friend's support system -- that's what she's paying her therapist for, although it doesn't seem to be working yet. In any event, her problems are not your problems.
If your sister keeps telling you that you are wrong, tell her, "Well, that's something to think about," and then change the subject. Repeat it as many times as necessary.
Thanks for your message. My sister said that she didn't cheat with my boyfriend or steal money so I should just let her back in my life and be friends again. I just feel that her friendship brings me more problems than not and when I tried to explain that to my sister she said I was being irrational.
Thanks for your message. My sister said that she didn't cheat with my boyfriend or steal money so I should just let her back in my life and be friends again. I just feel that her friendship brings me more problems than not and when I tried to explain that to my sister she said I was being irrational.
It doesn’t sound like you ever got anything out of the relationship, so there’s no reason to rekindle it.
It doesn’t sound like you ever got anything out of the relationship, so there’s no reason to rekindle it.
Well at one time I did but too much has happened for me to want to be friends with her again. in the beginning, we did a lot of fun things and had great conversations but it's been a while because all she wanted to do was talk about her issues. Plus, when she got another friend, she would cast me aside until she needed me again.
I was best friends with someone for about 10 to 15 yrs. We did a lot together and had fun however our relationship was always very one-sided. When I needed a friend to talk to, she would talk to me for about an hour and that was it. When she had a problem, it was all we ever talked about for months.
The last straw was how unreliable she was. We would make plans to do something, and she would cancel at the last minute about 50% to 70% of the time.
Finally, I had a enough and just told her I wouldn't make plans with her but that we could do things on the spur of the moment. She got mad and stopped talking to me for 2 yrs until last October. She wrote me an email saying she was in therapy and working on herself. She is paying $200 for a special therapist that specializes in cognitive therapy twice a week.
I was apprehensive but talked to her and even met her for lunch once, just to see if I noticed a change. Spoiler alert: I didn't. She started up again with her neediness and long phone calls of her "problems" and told me I was part of her "team to get better", so I just told her I didn't have time for phone calls or anything else, and left it at that. She emailed back that she understood but said maybe we could chat in a month or two and I said that would be fine. I wanted to give myself space to really decide how I felt about her friendship.
Well, I have never reached out to her nor she with me. I just didn't feel the same closeness that we had years ago plus I am scared of being hurt again by her.
My sister said I am being irrational and mean by not giving her grace and allowing her back in my life.
Any thoughts? Am I being mean or irrational?
I probably would not have gone in for round 2, so you are definitely not required to do round 3. We may not be able to pick our family members, but we can definitely pick our friends. You are not obligated to be in any relationship that saps you of energy.
I learned that at 24 and it has served me well for thirty years. Your sister is flat out wrong.
IMO, too much water has gone under the bridge. She let 2 years go by without doing her part to try and fix the friendship. I think if you want to move on, away from this person's friendship, do so guilt free.
Friends come and go during your life. Best to remember the good times but not embroil yourself in her neediness again. It may result in having to break off your relationship yet again and cause you more drama.
Right now you can just be unavailable so you don’t go down that rabbit hole again. People like this friend almost always find someone else they can use for their own purposes. Hopefully her therapy will help her but after 2 years it may not be in your best interest to involve yourself again.
Sounds to me that you grew up and your friend didn't. It is definitely a one-sided relationship and you don't need this in your life. Friendship consists of 2 people giving of each other, not 1.
If you take this friend back in your life I think she will hurt you again.
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