Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Wasn't sure whether to put this in parenting or education.. but here it goes.
I'm 17 and have lived with my parents in SC my whole life. They are originally from MA and want to move back. My mom sprang on me a few months back that she "can't stand it here anymore" and is moving to MA as soon as I graduate high school in January (early grad). My dad is currently looking for a job in software in MA right now. I have no idea if they'll be living together or not. I don't think my mom has been looking for a job but she's made it clear she doesn't want to live with my dad anymore and they clearly don't care for each other at all.
So I'll be graduating in 3 months and have no idea where I'll be living or who I'll be living with. All I know is I really don't want to move. My plan would be to go to community college for FREE and live on my own renting with others (no real plans yet though). I would study HVAC or welding or something. However my dad is against going to tech and insists it's a waste of time. According to him, anyone who doesn't go to a 4 year school is a going to end up a loser and kids should end up doing better than their parents (he makes over 100K a year so..) I'm not going to bother arguing with him because I've probably done that 100 times by now. He wants me to major in the same thing he did (software engineering) at the same school he went to in MA and everything will just fall into my lap.
However, I'm tired of being a ball and chain and want to pay for things MYSELF. I have zero interest in going to a 4 year school, but if I have to I will.
Am I being unreasonable? I need some of your opinions. Thanks.
By the way, I should mention my sister goes to a really expensive private school that my dad is almost entirely paying for (he complains about it nonstop but still continues to be an enabler) and I really don't want to be like that.
Last edited by GuyontheInternet; 10-13-2014 at 04:26 PM..
Let me preface this by saying I have 3 boys. An adopted now almost 30 year old, a 19 year old and a 12 year old boy.
The oldest decided college wasn't for him. He became a police officer. He makes a great living, he owns his own home, he pays his own bills. Sounds good to me.
The 19 year old graduated high school early, college was a joint decision because he was still a minor and he requires his parents money to live.
If he came to me in an hour and decided he wanted to take charge of his life, pay for his own way and do his own thing, then as long as he does it legally, I've done my job as a parent. My husband and I both have goo gobs of degrees and college was our thing, but it's not for everyone. I think you need to stay put until you're 18 and then quite frankly, you don't need anyone's permission to move out and live on your own. Just make sure you do everything you need to do NOT to have to come back home in the event that they'll make that difficult for you.
"I have zero interest in going to a 4 year school, but if I have to I will." Don't do this just to make someone else happy. That's not how you want to start your adult life. If you graduate HS in 3 months, presumably you couldn't start at a 4 year school until Sept anyway (unless you have already applied to some schools?). By which time you will be 18 and can do what you want. Can you delay your graduation at all to the regular time? (Sorry, not very familiar with high school graduation in US).
Having said that, maybe you should go ahead and apply to some 4-year schools anyway. Nothing that says you have to go through with it, and when I was 17, I changed my mind pretty quickly and frequently about what I wanted to do. I found the experience of living away from home in a dorm to be both supportive and very liberating and it was really when I felt like I was truly becoming myself. Don't discount that experience, just 'cause your Dad wants you to do it.
Is welding or HVAC actually what you want to do or is it more that it's a cost-effective trade to acquire and thereby get security and independence? And it's ok to not really know what you want to do - which would be another good reason not to drop a bundle straightaway on a four-year school.
Both me and my husband have graduate degrees and are big supporters of tertiary education, but we have also let our boys know that they can choose to not go to college, as long as they are trying to find their purpose/vocation (i.e. they can't just do nothing). We both earn decent money but I have to say that of our friends, the ones who have really earned serious coin are the ones who trained in a trade such as plumbers, electricians, and carpenters and who then parleyed that into their own business. They are the ones who own their houses freehold and are semi-retired at 40 (they also worked really hard from their early 20s onwards, so not begrudging them success for an instant).
You sound thoughtful and pragmatic and prepared to work hard, so my hunch is things will work out pretty well for you whatever you choose to do.
"I have zero interest in going to a 4 year school, but if I have to I will." Don't do this just to make someone else happy. That's not how you want to start your adult life. If you graduate HS in 3 months, presumably you couldn't start at a 4 year school until Sept anyway (unless you have already applied to some schools?). By which time you will be 18 and can do what you want. Can you delay your graduation at all to the regular time? (Sorry, not very familiar with high school graduation in US).
Having said that, maybe you should go ahead and apply to some 4-year schools anyway. Nothing that says you have to go through with it, and when I was 17, I changed my mind pretty quickly and frequently about what I wanted to do. I found the experience of living away from home in a dorm to be both supportive and very liberating and it was really when I felt like I was truly becoming myself. Don't discount that experience, just 'cause your Dad wants you to do it.
Is welding or HVAC actually what you want to do or is it more that it's a cost-effective trade to acquire and thereby get security and independence? And it's ok to not really know what you want to do - which would be another good reason not to drop a bundle straightaway on a four-year school.
Both me and my husband have graduate degrees and are big supporters of tertiary education, but we have also let our boys know that they can choose to not go to college, as long as they are trying to find their purpose/vocation (i.e. they can't just do nothing). We both earn decent money but I have to say that of our friends, the ones who have really earned serious coin are the ones who trained in a trade such as plumbers, electricians, and carpenters and who then parleyed that into their own business. They are the ones who own their houses freehold and are semi-retired at 40 (they also worked really hard from their early 20s onwards, so not begrudging them success for an instant).
You sound thoughtful and pragmatic and prepared to work hard, so my hunch is things will work out pretty well for you whatever you choose to do.
Thank you for replying. The only place I've applied so far is the local tech school. I've filled out 3 other applications for 4 year universities, but haven't submitted them yet. To be honest, I have no idea what to do with my life. All I know is I'd like to learn a useful skill. I've checked indeed and most of the HVAC jobs in my area seem to require 5-10 years experience, but I know people advertise their skills on craigslist so maybe I could take my chances at being self employed for a while. Who knows.
Also how possible do you think it is to work 40-50 hours a week or more while in school?
Look into the unions. Many people mistakenly think they're difficult to get into, but they need good people since many are heading the college route. You're paid a decent hourly wage during the apprenticeship. That way you get your training while you work instead of having to work and go to school separately. Plus, you won't find a job out of high school that pays anything near what a union apprenticeship pays. It's the best way to financially support yourself after your parents leave. Since you want to learn a skill, this truly is the best way to go.
You sound like you've got it together, I would follow through with your plans. Since you're in South Carolina you may want to also look at Boeing apprenticeship and training programs, they're hiring a ton of people right now in the Charleston area and they may help you cover education costs.
My son's good friend is in this boat now, except his parents are moving due to a job transfer. He just graduated and is 18. I am going to let him stay here with me once they move - he can live rent-free if he is in school, gets decent grades, and helps around the house (He's a very motivated kid and will even babysit, help my younger ones with homework while I work at home). He is going to the local community college to the auto mechanics program, so needless to say my little old car has been running wonderfully lately. He is already working doing oil changes and recon at our local car dealer and will intern there in year 2 of his program.
My son is 20 and works as a machinist. He got an entry-level job with full benefits right out of high school after a stellar recommendation from his vo-tech instructor. Once he is there a year, his company is going to pay for him to further his education.
I think the technical types of careers are awesome and you should follow your heart. I only wish I had the "mechanical" kinds of knowledge, as I'd love to try something like welding or HVAC.
I was able to work 40-50 hrs a week plus school for 2 years, but it was pretty tough (I could not do it now LOL). For my entire second year of school, I worked 25-30 hrs a week at a gas station, 10 hours a week at a small business that was in my field of study, and then a few hours on Sunday as a church musician. I spent any free time studying and sleeping.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
