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No, you're right, CaliforniaGal, she is very insecure. I just hate feeling like there is a wall between like we are different social classes. It's ridiculous.
I am so sorry.
It's very difficult to pretend this loved one truly wants to be with you when you know she doesn't necesarily, due to the repeated confrontations
She loves confrontation, or she wouldn't be trying to instigate it over and over with cruel remarks to you about your lack of money. You are the one who is avoiding confrontation for years, despite the constant provoking which makes her anger worse. She wants confrontation, she keeps egging you on for it. So ask her why she does this and if it would make her feel better to have the adequate response which goes along with picking fights. Just what I see but again, not what I've modeled in my life to the degree it should've been, and I think due to that, my own moms resentment became so out of control we are now afraid of her. Especially my son who wants to get a restraining order against her. This is not likely your case but the fact you believe she doesn't like confrontation, the exact thing she is doing to you, confronting you about your lack of money, is bizarre.
This is generally a sign of a socipath. They are always accusing others of exactly what they are doing, at that exact moment. Not generally of real weaknesses they perceive, or see, just what their self centered weaknesses are. It's always about them, even when it's about you.But who knows what your sister is, I just hope by honest discussion, it can be dealt with and mended.
Location: Canada (I've lived in 5 different provinces)
191 posts, read 220,802 times
Reputation: 458
I guess I need to address it with her, rather than let it fester. I don't like confrontation either. Because our upbringing was chaotic, I like to keep the peace.
Anytime someone makes repeated remarks/digs about a topic - it says way more about them than it does about you. Feel a moment of pity for her next time because her 'good life' isn't, or she wouldn't feel to need to lash out (even passive aggressively).
Location: Canada (I've lived in 5 different provinces)
191 posts, read 220,802 times
Reputation: 458
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kayela
Anytime someone makes repeated remarks/digs about a topic - it says way more about them than it does about you. Feel a moment of pity for her next time because her 'good life' isn't, or she wouldn't feel to need to lash out (even passive aggressively).
I guess that's why I don't say anything, because I know her life isn't perfect either, she's overweight, has health problems, her kids were much more challenging than mine ever was (the irony) and she knows she would be screwed without her husband's financial support.
I guess that's why I don't say anything, because I know her life isn't perfect either, she's overweight, has health problems, her kids were much more challenging than mine ever was (the irony) and she knows she would be screwed without her husband's financial support.
Oh wow so it sounds like you really are in different social classes, many folds over.
Sadly, most men won't date a fat woman and women are often worse, they look down on other women for being fat. Money can't buy "looking normal" if you self sabotage yourself thinking your tummy is a garbage chute. With that, healthy food costs more.
Rch people have money. So eating healthy foods and exercising is much easier for them, hence why you see most of them are not fat.
Each time she mentions your lack of money, maybe gently just remind her how she has plenty and you'd love to see her use that money towards her health. You'd be more than willing to be her supporter in an exercise regime which could help combat her medical issues. My guess is you'd never hear another word about your lack of money. It will hurt but it is probably needed. But she's your sister so do what you feel would work
Location: Canada (I've lived in 5 different provinces)
191 posts, read 220,802 times
Reputation: 458
I would never put her down because of her weight, she used to be more athletic than me. I am concerned about her health because of it, but I try not bring it up as it is a sore spot with her.
I would never put her down because of her weight, she used to be more athletic than me. I am concerned about her health because of it, but I try not bring it up as it is a sore spot with her.
Would she accept you as her support person?
Automatically when people feel better about themselves, they stop putting others down, generally.
I agree with most of the posters here, when it comes to people behaving like your sister, she is probably feeling inferior in some way. I've noticed on facebook the 'braggers' or overshare'ers often usually are having personal problems and wind up breaking up/getting a divorce. etc etc.
I also agree with your earlier comment about not wanting the life of your sister as YOU would find it boring...she may actually not realize this to be true, and thinks you covet her boring life!
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