Etiquette (girlfriend, father, person, present)

[jaredC]

Hey guys. So my fiancé is a full time college student. She has teamed up with 2 other students in her class. Her presentation is due tomorrow and neither one of her partners on the project has worked on their parts. Last night, one of her classmates called at midnight to ask questions on what parts of the presentation needs to be done. I got upset because of the obscene hour of which he called (over the course of this entire semester he has done this several times). I obtained his Email address and was going to send him a polite but to-the-point message saying how inappropriate it was to be calling that late and because my fiancé is pregnant, she needs all the sleep she can get (takes her quite some time to fall back asleep once waken).

My fiancé, however, feels as though I should let her handle this because she doesn't want a confrontation at school. I've seen how she handled him the last time he called and texted late at night about a school project, and the guy kept calling and texting irregardless. So, I think I need to drive the point home to him that he really really needs to excercise etiquette and consideration. Am I in the wrong for contacting him?

[Mattie]

Yes.

[jaredC]

Originally Posted by Mattie

Yes.

So I am in the wrong for contacting him? And then just continue to tolerate this person calling at ridiculous hours? I feel as though my fiancé isn't doing a good enough job informing this individual of how rude it is calling at that hour. And even if she doesn't mind, I do. I like my sleep.

[Ms. Tarabotti]

I assume that your fiancee is an adult woman-let her handle her business in her own way. It is up to her to establish limits with her classmates/colleagues. She will have to learn how to do this at school. at work and even with you. It's admirable that you want to rush in and help her out but in the long run that would be detrimental. You can't (and shouldn't) step in every time that you feel she needs to handle a situation differently. She either needs to tell people to call before a certain time or let the answering machine pick up.
Just because someone calls or texts you doesn't mean that you have to reply to them that very second.

[jaredC]

Originally Posted by Ms. Tarabotti

I assume that your fiancee is an adult woman-let her handle her business in her own way. It is up to her to establish limits with her classmates/colleagues. She will have to learn how to do this at school. at work and even with you. It's admirable that you want to rush in and help her out but in the long run that would be detrimental. You can't (and shouldn't) step in every time that you feel she needs to handle a situation differently. She either needs to tell people to call before a certain time or let the answering machine pick up.
Just because someone calls or texts you doesn't mean that you have to reply to them that very second.

Ok, I understand what you mean. It's just so dang aggravating to be woken up at night. Her dad is in the hospital and so she thought it was the hospital calling with bad news.

[3a's]

If this keeps happening 6x's in a semester then you may want to ask your fiancé that he refrains from calling. Hopefully she doesn't have him in anymore classes. Your fiancé is trying to keep the peace and also trying to pass the class and it appears she is pulling her weight and the others. Commend her for her patience since you are looking out for her well being and your bambino. She needs all the rest she can get and let her know that if you haven't already she is stressed out being pregnant, dad health issues, and going to school. Try not to get her stressed out more with coming in between, your intentions are only good. Know in the end you are correct with not calling after 10:00 and believe in karma.

I am sorry to hear about her dad.

[jaredC]

Originally Posted by 3a's

If this keeps happening 6x's in a semester then you may want to ask your fiancé that he refrains from calling. Hopefully she doesn't have him in anymore classes. Your fiancé is trying to keep the peace and also trying to pass the class and it appears she is pulling her weight and the others. Commend her for her patience since you are looking out for her well being and your bambino. She needs all the rest she can get and let her know that if you haven't already she is stressed out being pregnant, dad health issues, and going to school. Try not to get her stressed out more with coming in between, your intentions are only good. Know in the end you are correct with not calling after 10:00 and believe in karma.

I am sorry to hear about her dad.

Thank you for the well wishes. Her dad was admitted to the ICU about a week and a half ago for pneumonia that spread to his blood stream. Thank you for reminding me to not stress her out further. Sometimes I get so frustrated and bullheaded that I loose perspective. I will refrain from contacting him. However, if he calls again at midnight , God help his soul I don't answer the phone first lol.

[BirdieBelle]

Yes, it would be inappropriate.

Would you do the same thing to a co-worker of hers?

The guy obviously has problems, given that he is asking about his duties at midnight the night before it's due and calling people at midnight after they have told him not to. But your fiancee has to handle this.

If you don't like the way she is handling it, you have 2 choices: Talk to her, which you've done, or back off.

This is a growing and learning experience for her, too.

[reebo]

Originally Posted by jaredC

Thank you for the well wishes. Her dad was admitted to the ICU about a week and a half ago for pneumonia that spread to his blood stream. Thank you for reminding me to not stress her out further. Sometimes I get so frustrated and bullheaded that I loose perspective. I will refrain from contacting him. However, if he calls again at midnight , God help his soul I don't answer the phone first lol.

Well, you really don't belong on C-D if you're going to be all mature when people disagree with you. Good luck to you, your gf, her father and your child.

[convextech]

Originally Posted by jaredC

Hey guys. So my fiancé is a full time college student. She has teamed up with 2 other students in her class. Her presentation is due tomorrow and neither one of her partners on the project has worked on their parts. Last night, one of her classmates called at midnight to ask questions on what parts of the presentation needs to be done. I got upset because of the obscene hour of which he called (over the course of this entire semester he has done this several times). I obtained his Email address and was going to send him a polite but to-the-point message saying how inappropriate it was to be calling that late and because my fiancé is pregnant, she needs all the sleep she can get (takes her quite some time to fall back asleep once waken).

My fiancé, however, feels as though I should let her handle this because she doesn't want a confrontation at school. I've seen how she handled him the last time he called and texted late at night about a school project, and the guy kept calling and texting irregardless. So, I think I need to drive the point home to him that he really really needs to excercise etiquette and consideration. Am I in the wrong for contacting him?

Let your girlfriend deal with your own battles.