Awkward gift-giving situations (wife, spouse, siblings, member)

[imagineAA]

Let's hear 'em.

Me--parents forgot to give us gifts this yr. And seriously, it's *not* about the gifts--I don't need anything and I'm not greedy. It's just hurting my feelings. They gave gifts to everyone else, thanked us for gifts we gave them, and nada. Not even a card.

What about you?

[zentropa]

That seems very odd. Did you ask them about it? Are one or both showing signs of cognitive decline?

[willow wind]

Who is " us". You and your siblings, you and your spouse? Do you live with them or are they some distance from you ?

Who are the ones they remembered - their own siblings, nieces, nephews? Were you all together on Christmas Day? Did they give gifts to each other ?

How old are your parents ? - this seems very strange indeed. You'll have to ask them. This is one time it's OK to be blunt and just ask the question. No gifts, no cards, something is going on there. Even if one parent is losing mental capacity, the other should be taking up the slack to some extent.

Did your parents give gifts last year, have they remembered birthdays with at least a phone call or a card this past year ?

[CSD610]

I beg my Mother every year not to get us anything because she is on a fixed income and we get what we need on our own but she refuses to comply with my request.

[imagineAA]

2/3 sets of parents did not gift us. This is sudden and unexpected. No cognitive decline. We do live a distance away but recently visited and stay in touch via phone, video chat, etc.

One said she did not know what to give us, and we said we are happy to get the usual gift card. She has always given us gift cards in a xmas card, when we lived nearby. I guess putting a stamp on it stumped her this time.

The other said nothing at all.

We sent both sets of parents 2 separate items mailed separately, and they all acknowledged everything we sent.

I was half expecting to get something late in the mail today, but nope.

Weird, right? I mean if you're going to economize this year, at least wouldn't you send a card? It is a major holiday.

[zentropa]

You have three sets of parents?

[willow wind]

Is this the first Christmas since you've moved away ? Your parents seem totally stumped by the fact that you're not local anymore.

Is this some sort of strange " punishment" for moving ? I can't imagine what would cause parents to not send a card at least to children. They remember others in the family but not their own children . Really do sit down with all of them and ask if they want to continue to exchange cards and gifts in the future. Let them know your feelings are hurt because you were ignored while others were remembered.

If they economized by eliminated other relatives from card / gift lists, it would be one thing, but their own kids ? Something weird is going on that you're missing.

[biscuitmom]

I understand you're somewhat surprised but not sure where you're going otherwise? Are you disappointed, angry, or what?
Don't know how old you are but once dh & I reached our mid-30s, we would have been delighted to be dropped off the parents' gift list, as opposed to receiving the utterly useless gifts…
Or is it that, in return for your gifts to them, you expected an equal exchange in the form of currency aka gift cards?

[KathrynAragon]

We had Awkward Gift Giving (or not giving) this year but we laughed it off.

Here's how it happened - all the adults agreed NOT to exchange gifts this year. I mean, it's sort of ridiculous for everyone to buy everyone else gift cards and in our family the adults just go buy something themselves if they want it. So - we all agreed to just buy gifts for the kids this year.

But - as Christmas week rolled around, I began to feel really weird about not giving gifts to my parents and my adult kids. So I thought, "I'll just give them something I baked or made." I was thinking about stuff like pumpkin bread, or homemade bath salts, that sort of thing. I just love giving gifts to people I love, and we had never NOT exchanged gifts. But...I was torn because I always hate to be the one who DOESN'T have a gift if someone else gives me one, and I didn't want anyone to feel awkward.

Well...come to find out, my daughter let it slip that SHE was making "a few things" for the adults. DARN! The best laid plans of mice and men, right? So we agreed - we would only give each other little things that we had made - nothing fancy or "store bought."

Well, the day before Christmas, which we were spending at my parents' house, we both remembered that neither of us had told my parents that we were exchanging little gifts after all! We couldn't hide it from them because we had made stuff for them too! So I told my mother, who then went off into a mini panic because she had been following the rules all along, and didn't have gifts for any adults! I told her, "Honestly, Mom - don't worry about it. I mean it - no gifts - don't fret about it and don't try to get out on Christmas Eve shopping."

Well, she didn't do that, but she dug up some old costume jewelry and gave a piece to my daughter and a piece to me. Now - this wasn't heirloom or nostalgic stuff - it was just random stuff!

So yeah - it was all pretty weird. The adults got old (not vintage, just old - like 1980s) jewelry, homemade bath salts, pumpkin bread, homemade "moonshine" (not really moonshine but some sort of flavored Everclear - WOOHOO!), homemade bars of soap, and my dad and my son each got a can of SPAM! LOL A--W----K---W---A---R---D!

The thing is, we all liked most of it. Honestly, when my dad opened his gift and found that Spam in there, his face lit up! My mother is a health food nut and there's no way she'd ever voluntarily have a can of Spam in the house!

I can't wait to hear my dad's take on the bath salts. He was pretty intrigued by that idea. I don't think he has ever used them before. Come to think of it, he probably takes a shower, not a bath....hmmm...

[Davros]

I didn't give anything to my brother's wife and he asked "what did you give her?" ".... (pause) um ... nothing". I have no idea what she wants and all the other gifts exhaust me. I don't give gifts to my siblings spouses any more because I have no idea what they want.