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Last night, DH and I went out to dinner with his father and father's girlfriend and DH's sister and her kids- we were supposed to be celebrating my FIL's birthday as he was out of town on the actual day. It was a pizza joint with games and all that jazz and we've all been there before. So, my FIL brought a bunch of quarters for the kiddos to go nuts with and while he had all of them playing I ordered the pizza, etc, for all of us.
In the end, DH and I ended up paying for everything- the pizza, the salad, the soda and a round of beers, so close to $75. We did not expect his dad or the girlfriend to pay or offer to pay for anything, given that it was my FIL's birthday celebration. But we at least expected my SIL to offer to contribute since she and her kids all ate and drank on our dime. And, if she wasn't going to offer to help out then at least say thank you- matter of fact, NO ONE said thank you to us. My DH asked me when we were leaving if anyone had said thank you to me and when I told him, "Nope!" he got pretty ticked off.
It ticks us off because we're a one-income family with not a lot of wiggle room at times while my SIL and her husband pull in more than 100K a year; not to mention that my SIL was telling all of us that they're going to buy a toy hauler, which she said would cost them 20K or whatnot and my FIL was telling us about the vacation house at the river he's wanting to purchase.
I told DH that it was our own fault because we didn't directly consult with anyone about sharing the costs and he agreed; it's just disappointing and so rude that no one even bothered to thank us. Live and learn, right?
Next time I will look directly at my SIL or whomever is with us and ask, "How would you like to split the bill?" Assuming got us a hefty check and frustration; my DH is pretty disgusted with his father and sister right now but not entirely surprised. They have a tendency to be selfishly clueless, if that makes any sense.
Not to excuse their behavior but I think people with money sometimes tend to forget what it's like for people who have to watch their budget. I remember my mom complaining to me a few times how her brother and sister never offer to pay when they eat out together. They are millionaires while my mom is lower income. This type of behavior is probably quite common.
Not to excuse their behavior but I think people with money sometimes tend to forget what it's like for people who have to watch their budget. I remember my mom complaining to me a few times how her brother and sister never offer to pay when they eat out together. They are millionaires while my mom is lower income. This type of behavior is probably quite common.
I totally agree with the above, not that it excuses their behavior. And they should have thanked you. That is just common courtesy. When we go out for something like this, we all get separate checks and then everyone chips in for the birthday person's check. This seems to be working pretty well so far.
Next time I would say "we paid last time, so now it's your turn!!"
That's what I would do, in so many words. If they comply, great, you'll be even and you'll know how to handle things in the future. If they don't, well, I look forward to your next thread...
And in all fairness to your FIL, he did bring "a bunch of quarters" for the kids(yours as well?)to play with. I don't know how many quarters that is, but at least he contributed something.
I like your perspective, though. As frustrating as it can be, this is the way some people are, and I can tell from your post that you're not dwelling on it. It's like you said, we live and learn. I've seen families totally alienated by issues more petty than this.
If there's a next time, I'd discuss it before we even pick the restaurant, then mention it again when the check comes. You can also take cash, put your portion on the table and let the others figure it out.
I'm wondering who extended the invitation, and how it was worded. Did you expect your FIL to pay for a dinner to celebrate his birthday? You husband needs to be very clear with his sister that the free ride is over.
You should probably disregard my advice, because I don't do well in situations like that. I probably would have only paid for half of the FIL and FIL-GF, and my spouse and myself, in cash, and then handed SIL the check right then and there for her to pay the rest.
However, if I hadn't done that, the SIL would be getting an email from me saying only two words. "You're welcome." Let the twit write back and ask, "For what?"
"For not making a scene about the way you neglected to offer to pay for your share and not embarrassing you for not thanking us for covering the entire tab."
I can't stand that weaselly garbage. I really can't.
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My DH asked me when we were leaving if anyone had said thank you to me and when I told him, "Nope!" he got pretty ticked off. 
