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A few years ago, I had a platonic female friend, although I suppose we dated in an extremely loose sense. By that, I mean we went out to dinner often and I sometimes got stuck accompanying her in clothes/jewelry/purse shopping. She wasn't really a touchy-feely affectionate person at all, so I don't think we ever even so much as hugged. Some of our mutual friends warned me that she was a big time drama queen and even faked a pregnancy with her ex to keep him around. Her side of that story was that she actually was pregnant. At the time, I was a virgin and desperate to change that, and I thought she might be able to help. She flirted with me via text sometimes and even moved it up to sexting, but acted like a completely different person when we were actually hanging out - and by that, I mean sarcastic, stoic, and not super approachable. Since I was incredibly shy and awkward, I never made a move IRL.
Then, a couple of times, she got drunk and b___ed me out via text about things that didn't matter at all. I got fed up and stopped responding, which resulted in a tidal wave of calls, texts (some of which even said "I love you"), and even calls using someone else's phone. I eventually forgave her when she offered to take me to dinner to make up for it. A few months later, she did the same thing after ditching me to get drunk with a friend and accusing me of not taking care of her, even though I had no idea where she was and her idiot friend called me a "creeper" and hung up when I tried to call her.
The final straw was when she called me a bum and a lazy moocher for not being able to afford to see a movie with her (after SHE offered to pay for my tickets, no less). This was during a period of not being able to find a job for me, during which she made a boatload in a job with a high-profile local company, so it really hit a nerve for me. I told her to get out of my life and threatened to block her number when the same wall of texts attacking me and then apologizing came. She tried to get me to respond by sending a "mass text" inviting everyone to a party at her place, but I wasn't falling for it. I am much happier without her in my life and am so glad I never slept with her, despite many opportunities.
I've been trying to decide when, how or if I should cut my mother out of my life, but other than that, I did cut one of her cousins out of my life. I had been getting to know him, and one time he got butt-hurt because I couldn't get together on a day I had to work. I couldn't believe that. Anyway I didn't know him that well and didn't need that crap, so I stopped returning his calls. Took over a year for him to stop calling.
I have culled a couple of cousins and one aunt from my life.
One cousin tried to "steal" a house from my parents when my grandfather died. It got very personal and ugly. We used to hang out together and have children near the same age, but I am better off without someone like that in my life. Her mother is the aunt mentioned above...she called me all drunked up the night after I lost our first baby. She told me that she was glad I had lost the baby because I didn't deserve to have a baby before her daughter. Snip...I haven't talked to her since, nor will I. The other cousin is just too whiney and needy. I got tired of having her call me to complain about her life so I stopped answering her calls.
I stopped talking to my sister for about 6 years or so, but we have reconnected since I moved back to the area. Pretty hard to ignore that I'm alive when you see me all the time now . We just pretend that those distant years never happened and I will not bring up the argument that caused to whole rift (and neither will she).
There are toxic people everywhere...including in our own families. I have found that life is too short and I am much happier if I don't have those people in my life.
I had to distance from my family for a number of years to deal with issues. I also had a friend that was so negative that I just had to let her go. She sucked me dry rehashing all of the trauma that she (often self inflicted) experienced. I just drifted away and became unavailable for her daily airings of grievances. In the intervening years I've seen her a few times here and there and we greet nicely and have a short conversation but I have never gotten sucked in to her vortex again. I'm normally a loyal person but I didn't have the energy for that.
I have culled a couple of cousins and one aunt from my life.
One cousin tried to "steal" a house from my parents when my grandfather died. It got very personal and ugly.
Isn't it something how we find out what people are made of when someone dies? Most of the people I've cut out of my life, I cut after someone else died. Usually it's because of the kind of behavior you cite, with people trying to flout laws and wills. Another case brought out the worst in a sibling. I feel terrible for anyone who loses a child, but two years later, she was still acting like the world begins and ends with her pain, and just got nastier and nastier, and more and more callous toward anyone else's feelings or needs but her own. Between that and her petty sibling rivalries and jealousies toward me, I kicked her out of my life.
Life is too short for that crap. It really is. My tolerance for it has dropped down to about zero. Everyone makes mistakes, and of course I'll cut someone some slack if there are extenuating circumstances, but beyond that, I get rid of people as soon as they start acting like self-absorbed, manipulative, rotten, ugly aholes.
Gotta say it. I'm a really good and loyal friend to a point.
But when a friend has such constant self-inflicted drama due to his or her own stupidity, I'm done. Because at that point, I'm not their friend. I'm their psychologist and support system.
I recently severed matters with a friend like that. She was a former colleague. But she lost her job because she do one stupid thing after another. Then she cheated on her husband. Then she tried freelancing, but she managed to lose every client she gained within a month. And through all this, I'd kind of listen with less and less patience.
Finally, I stopped returning her phone calls because, ultimately, there's no reward in it. Friendships are not transactional things. But when one is so one-sided that it creates an emotional toll, it's time to pull the ripcord.
Gotta say it. I'm a really good and loyal friend to a point.
But when a friend has such constant self-inflicted drama due to his or her own stupidity, I'm done. Because at that point, I'm not their friend. I'm their psychologist and support system.
I recently severed matters with a friend like that. She was a former colleague. But she lost her job because she do one stupid thing after another. Then she cheated on her husband. Then she tried freelancing, but she managed to lose every client she gained within a month. And through all this, I'd kind of listen with less and less patience.
Finally, I stopped returning her phone calls because, ultimately, there's no reward in it. Friendships are not transactional things. But when one is so one-sided that it creates an emotional toll, it's time to pull the ripcord.
How long have you known her and how long did it take? Months? A year? Just curious.
How long have you known her and how long did it take? Months? A year? Just curious.
This took place over a 10-year period. Everything she touched turned to caca. Every project, everything I needed her to do, you name it.
I'd already started distancing myself from her professionally. But, to me, the last straw came last year when she pulled me into a project she had landed. I took it as kind of a mercy thing, plus I estimated high enough to make it worth my time.
My company estimated it as a subcontractor, to which she put a nice little markup and got client approval.
After that, all she had to do was bill the client at three intervals in the project and act as paymaster to the vendors – all three of them. That was it. A total of two-three hours work on a $40,000 project. That was it. She would collect $8,000 for three hours work. She didn't even have to show up to another meeting. Just send the bills, deposit the payments and write a total of nine checks.
Meanwhile, because it was a rush project, me and my team were pulling all-nighters. I was calling in markers to get it done. And the client loved the work I did. The guy was already talking about how we could do more for him. I mean, we were kicking ass on the assignment.
So what does she do? When she billed the first down-payment, the client paid in three days. She couldn't be bothered to deposit it for a week because "I don't have the time." Then, when it came time to pay the vendors on the job -- myself included -- she slow paid two of them and paid me the wrong amount. I was seriously ticked off about that, because my name was on the project and I'm the kind of guy who pays on time. Despite having written detailed e-mails that said, "Pay this guy $2000, pay this guy $3500, and pay me $5,000" she would still get it wrong.
Then, when we were just a scant week from finishing the project, it was time for the second billing. She, unbeknownst me me, completely ignored the detailed schedule of billing that I provided and billed the client an obscene amount of money that was completely not part of the estimate. I don't think it was because she was dishonest. I think it's because she was a total ditz.
Suddenly the client wasn't returning my calls or e-mails. Here I was trying to hit his deadline and things went dead. The other two vendors on the project were hounding me about finishing this thing out, only to get nada from the client.
As it turns out, the client had called this woman to talk about the high invoice, only to get a bunch of gibberish. As it turns out, she had pulled the new installment billing out of her butt because -- why? -- she couldn't find my e-mail telling her what to bill. Then when there was a dustup between the two, she wouldn't return my phone calls.
The client finally answered my phone calls and told me what happened. By this point he was angry at all of us, all because this woman couldn't read an e-mail and send a correct invoice. Up to that point, we had been freaking golden. Meanwhile the two vendors I brought in on the job were asking pointed questions about their payments, wondering what the hell was going on. First rule of rush jobs. If you ask people to do something in a hurry, you pay them equally fast.
So I finally call her up and just rip her a new one. I mean, it was a holy asskicking over the phone, along the lines of "You had one job to do here..." To which I got a "Do you know how busy I am?" Mind you, this woman is an empty nester with one dog, while I had three kids at home, Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts, band, violin, and about five million things going on AND getting her rush project finished on time. But she was too scatterbrained to simply look for my memo and too lazy to call me when she couldn't find it. So I'm writing checks to these other two vendors out of my own pocket.
I managed to smooth things over enough with the client to get us paid. But I was tainted by association, so there was no further business forthcoming. As a result I lost all goodwill for delivering a killer project in record time, all because this person was too big of an airhead to do her job.
So, no. Despite this fiasco, she continues to call asking for my help on things. I always politely turn her down. MrsCPG says she'll divorce me if I ever take another project from her.
My entire social circle. I was the only college educated guy. Half of them were high school drop outs. If the convos weren't about guns, fighting, being desperate for women, or dirt bikes then they didn't want to hear it. They also started a lot of drama by always talking behind ones back and getting stupidly drunk. This was my closest group of friends for an entire decade and I finally cut them loose. Sometimes it is better to be alone than surrounded by people that don't truly care about you.
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. We just pretend that those distant years never happened and I will not bring up the argument that caused to whole rift (and neither will she).
