"Friends" Who Tear You Down (jealous, person, girls)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I currently have a friend who nitpicks everything about me and my life. My car's not cool enough, my apartment's not in the right neighborhood, I'm not muscular enough, my FB pic looks "kinda gay"...
This list can go on and on with this particular guy. I always feel like he's sizing me up and trying to find my weaknesses. The fact of the matter is, I'm way better off than this guy. I have a better job than him, I make better money than him. I just happen to be very frugal, so I don't spend a lot of money on certain things. I just never make it a point to point that out to him. And when he attempts to tear me down, I just sort of turn the other cheek because I don't want to cause a rift in the relationship. As a matter of fact, I've been nothing but great to this guy. This past weekend, I helped him find a new car and helped him negotiate pricing with the dealer. He got a really good deal, and a big part of that was due to my advice to him and my negotiating skills.
I dealt with a friend like this in the past, who would constantly try to tear me down, and me and another buddy concluded that he may have been jealous of me.
Have you ever dealt with something like this amongst any of your "friends"? In your opinion, what drives someone to act this way? Would you stick it out with someone like this?
Insecurity drives him- tearing you down builds himself up in his mind.
However, why would you care ? This is not a friend. Friends do not treat each other this way. As far as sticking it out, I would never have considered to try to be a friend with this sort of person.
Find better people. Find people who add to your life. People who make you uncomfortable, backstab you, use you to build themselves up, etc., etc. etc. are just not friend material. Don't keep making the same mistake.
Friends bring security & comfort to our lives. You don't have to question your relationship with friends. .
He probably does envy you. Some people just thrive on putting others down. Years ago I was "friends" with a couple of girls who loved to tease me and make me the butt of jokes. I smiled and put up with it, but it hurt a lot. if I said something I was teased further about being "so sensitive" and not knowing how to take a joke. You really don't need friends like that. If you don't want to have a big confrontation with the guy--and I doubt he would change a bit or even recognize what an ass he is being--just fade away. He wants to talk? Gotta go, bye. He needs your help? You're busy.
He probably does envy you. Some people just thrive on putting others down. Years ago I was "friends" with a couple of girls who loved to tease me and make me the butt of jokes. I smiled and put up with it, but it hurt a lot. if I said something I was teased further about being "so sensitive" and not knowing how to take a joke. You really don't need friends like that. If you don't want to have a big confrontation with the guy--and I doubt he would change a bit or even recognize what an ass he is being--just fade away. He wants to talk? Gotta go, bye. He needs your help? You're busy.
I'm thinking the same. He texted me this morning to tell me that my FB pic looked "kinda gay". Here I am scratching my head, thinking to myself, "Dude, I just helped you buy your car and return your loaner car. This is how you repay me?".
I think the fading option is the best way to go, too.
See a therapist to find out why you hang out with such people. Are you looking for feedback & value their opinions because deep down you are insecure? You do realize you are better than them & also more successful but do you feel you don't deserve it? Any self respecting person would have either put them in their place or thrown them out of their life so why are you hanging on to them? You said this is the second friend you have who keeps putting you down. Maybe they sense your insecurities & keep insulting you. They are feeding on your low self-esteem so work on being more secure. You will know what to do with such losers who disrespect you.
If that's who he is than that's who he is. Maybe his feelings of "inferiority" are the reason you remain his friend. I can get why someone would tolerate that. What I don't get is why you can't say something to him. If that's your boy, it's not going to be some highly emotional moment just ask him why he's always hating on you? It's a simple question and tell him your going to let him know when he's doing it. Done! I never heard of a "friend" that has earned that title being left behind because one guy gets sensitive about nonsense. Guys treat each other like this all the time. I know guys that think choke holds are terms of endearment. Poking fun of you and snapping on your photos are rights of passage in the Dude world I know. The distinct difference between regular people with his habits and "friends" with his habits are that you should be tight enough to speak on it without anger. Or maybe you just don't have his respect yet because you don't sound as if you defend yourself or show him a likewise treatment. If that is how the guy measures you than stop falling short and I doubt the problem would continue. If it's just some dude than I can see cutting him off but if it's a "friend" then suck it up and work it out.
I currently have a friend who nitpicks everything about me and my life. My car's not cool enough, my apartment's not in the right neighborhood, I'm not muscular enough, my FB pic looks "kinda gay"...
This list can go on and on with this particular guy. I always feel like he's sizing me up and trying to find my weaknesses. The fact of the matter is, I'm way better off than this guy. I have a better job than him, I make better money than him. I just happen to be very frugal, so I don't spend a lot of money on certain things. I just never make it a point to point that out to him. And when he attempts to tear me down, I just sort of turn the other cheek because I don't want to cause a rift in the relationship. As a matter of fact, I've been nothing but great to this guy. This past weekend, I helped him find a new car and helped him negotiate pricing with the dealer. He got a really good deal, and a big part of that was due to my advice to him and my negotiating skills.
I dealt with a friend like this in the past, who would constantly try to tear me down, and me and another buddy concluded that he may have been jealous of me.
Have you ever dealt with something like this amongst any of your "friends"? In your opinion, what drives someone to act this way? Would you stick it out with someone like this?
I had a friend of 45 years who finally got under my skin to this point and quite a bit further. And just like that, I ended it. Haven't seen him since we had an argument. There were two other friends when it happened. Both had drank too much on the lake and I was trying to prevent them both from driving home. After awhile, the two drunks were yelling at me (and I was trying to save them and the public at large) and my friend of 45 years, who allegedly cares about these two folks, starts yelling at me telling me, see what you have caused?
I basically took a long stare and said to myself: "self, you drove 30 miles for this Shiite and the two friends he allegedly cares about were about to get behind the wheel when they were in NO shape to drive....so why am I getting blasted?" Well, he wanted to watch the pro game on...Green Bay and someone...whatever.....
I basically got up, shook his hand, thanked him for a good time and left. Pretty much played it like Dinero in the movie Heat where he meets Pacino in the Diner and responds to Pacino's question, if you feel the heat coming around the corner, are you prepared to walk out on the one's you care about at a moment's notice...to which he replied; "that's the discipline".......he's right. And I did. And I don't care. The only thing I regret is that I put that much time into our friendship and despite the ups and downs at some point, you just get tired of the relentless ribbing and BS....this was simply the straw that broke the camel's back.
Eject him and anyone like him in your life. You won't be any worse off for the decision and you will be amazed to find out how much anxiety that can release. That is the discipline. Damn right.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
