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My friend who's normally been very supportive and happy for me, is now showing signs of jealousy about my latest job application. To keep it short, he tried to find a job in the field I'm in for a few weeks but wasn't able to, and settled on another blue collar job. I applied to one position in the same industry he was looking for work, and now I'm a finalist for the position.
Basically, I would talk about my application a fair amount because I was so happy. I wasn't really gloating, it was more wanting to celebrate.
Anyway, I should've saw the signs, but he started making weird comments from time to time. It felt almost like he was "slipping" his true feelings, like he couldn't keep it bottled up. Let me give a few examples of his comments:
-Started acting weird/aggressive all of a sudden when I first told him they were interested me, for example he once answered the phone saying "What do you want?" I called him out on it, and he apologized and said he was just "tired" and then began to act normal.
-Said I "probably didn't" advance to the next round of the process.
-Told me he didn't have time to give me a "mock interview." I ended up being pissed and reminding him that I did some stuff for him for his recent job. He gave in and briefly helped me prepare.
Now, this is where it reached the boiling point for me, and I finally realized he was insanely jealous:
-I called him for a normal phone convo, and we were just chatting. OUT OF NOWHERE he started acting extremely aggressive. He called me "annoying" and threatened my job application. He then said he could say anything if they called him about being a reference. He said I should pay him to be a reference, and that he has "so much dirt on me."He also previously briefly brought up the topic out of the blue about giving a bad reference if they called him. He basically threatened my job.
I took him off the reference list and basically told him to screw off. This is a long time good friend who has never said anything even slightly similar to his latest comments. I don't know if I'll ever speak to him again, but if he tries anything funny (like contacting the company himself), I'll probably take up legal action.
What is WRONG with my "friend" and do you think he'll do anything? If he does, what recourse do I have? I doubt he will, but I'm just being cautious. What are your opinions? I NEVER would have guessed something like this could develop.
He's probably at a very bad place in his life. I should know--I am too. Part of being a friend is knowing when your friend is hurting, and it seems like all you're thinking about is yourself. Friendships are 50/50. So he's jealous. Why shouldn't he be? You're going to get something he's wanted for a long time and I'm sure it hurts him. Instead of thinking about he should be supporting you, you should think about how to support him. Because based on his behavior it sounds like he really needs support. He's definitely out of line, but it's because he's hurting right now.
My friend who's normally been very supportive and happy for me, is now showing signs of jealousy about my latest job application. To keep it short, he tried to find a job in the field I'm in for a few weeks but wasn't able to, and settled on another blue collar job. I applied to one position in the same industry he was looking for work, and now I'm a finalist for the position.
Basically, I would talk about my application a fair amount because I was so happy. I wasn't really gloating, it was more wanting to celebrate.
Anyway, I should've saw the signs, but he started making weird comments from time to time. It felt almost like he was "slipping" his true feelings, like he couldn't keep it bottled up. Let me give a few examples of his comments:
-Started acting weird/aggressive all of a sudden when I first told him they were interested me, for example he once answered the phone saying "What do you want?" I called him out on it, and he apologized and said he was just "tired" and then began to act normal.
-Said I "probably didn't" advance to the next round of the process.
-Told me he didn't have time to give me a "mock interview." I ended up being pissed and reminding him that I did some stuff for him for his recent job. He gave in and briefly helped me prepare.
Now, this is where it reached the boiling point for me, and I finally realized he was insanely jealous:
-I called him for a normal phone convo, and we were just chatting. OUT OF NOWHERE he started acting extremely aggressive. He called me "annoying" and threatened my job application. He then said he could say anything if they called him about being a reference. He said I should pay him to be a reference, and that he has "so much dirt on me."He also previously briefly brought up the topic out of the blue about giving a bad reference if they called him. He basically threatened my job.
I took him off the reference list and basically told him to screw off. This is a long time good friend who has never said anything even slightly similar to his latest comments. I don't know if I'll ever speak to him again, but if he tries anything funny (like contacting the company himself), I'll probably take up legal action.
What is WRONG with my "friend" and do you think he'll do anything? If he does, what recourse do I have? I doubt he will, but I'm just being cautious. What are your opinions? I NEVER would have guessed something like this could develop.
This immature assclown is not your friend. I don't think you rubbed his face in it at all, you were just being yourself, and happy about the opportunity. The least I would do is stop calling him and talking to him. He's obviously not having a great month. But to threaten you with hijacking your reference? That goes way beyond nuts.
He's probably at a very bad place in his life. I should know--I am too. Part of being a friend is knowing when your friend is hurting, and it seems like all you're thinking about is yourself. Friendships are 50/50. So he's jealous. Why shouldn't he be? You're going to get something he's wanted for a long time and I'm sure it hurts him. Instead of thinking about he should be supporting you, you should think about how to support him. Because based on his behavior it sounds like he really needs support. He's definitely out of line, but it's because he's hurting right now.
Well, I should mention that we're both very young...and it's not like he's starving on the streets or anything. Hell, his own job that he just lately got pays more per hour than the one I'm applying for! It's just that there's more room for advancement in mine and its a bit more prestigious/desirable.
I understand what you're saying, but there's no real troubles this guy is going through. To be dead honest with you, he doesn't work as hard as me or think about the future. I have helped him and been supportive, such as being encouraging a bit when he told me about his recent job.
Going through a rough time is no excuse for this type of behavior. Jealousy will get him no where. Had he not gone to the extreme I would have recommended you look over his resume and try to see why he isn't getting any hits. I would eliminate him from your life altogether.
My friend who's normally been very supportive and happy for me, is now showing signs of jealousy about my latest job application. To keep it short, he tried to find a job in the field I'm in for a few weeks but wasn't able to, and settled on another blue collar job. I applied to one position in the same industry he was looking for work, and now I'm a finalist for the position.
Basically, I would talk about my application a fair amount because I was so happy. I wasn't really gloating, it was more wanting to celebrate.
Anyway, I should've saw the signs, but he started making weird comments from time to time. It felt almost like he was "slipping" his true feelings, like he couldn't keep it bottled up. Let me give a few examples of his comments:
-Started acting weird/aggressive all of a sudden when I first told him they were interested me, for example he once answered the phone saying "What do you want?" I called him out on it, and he apologized and said he was just "tired" and then began to act normal.
-Said I "probably didn't" advance to the next round of the process.
-Told me he didn't have time to give me a "mock interview." I ended up being pissed and reminding him that I did some stuff for him for his recent job. He gave in and briefly helped me prepare.
Now, this is where it reached the boiling point for me, and I finally realized he was insanely jealous:
-I called him for a normal phone convo, and we were just chatting. OUT OF NOWHERE he started acting extremely aggressive. He called me "annoying" and threatened my job application. He then said he could say anything if they called him about being a reference. He said I should pay him to be a reference, and that he has "so much dirt on me."He also previously briefly brought up the topic out of the blue about giving a bad reference if they called him. He basically threatened my job.
I took him off the reference list and basically told him to screw off. This is a long time good friend who has never said anything even slightly similar to his latest comments. I don't know if I'll ever speak to him again, but if he tries anything funny (like contacting the company himself), I'll probably take up legal action.
What is WRONG with my "friend" and do you think he'll do anything? If he does, what recourse do I have? I doubt he will, but I'm just being cautious. What are your opinions? I NEVER would have guessed something like this could develop.
I'd hate to see how you both treat your enemies.
Friends don't celebrate by talking a lot about a job opportunity when their friend is down, especially when said friend is trying to get a break in the same field. A friend doesn't threaten to spill dirt if called as a reference. A friend doesn't state they'll probably take up legal action if that happens.
It sounds like both of you could do some growing up. As for your question, we have no way of knowing if your "friend" will do anything, but if he does, move on and take away a lesson you should have learned through all of this, but is apparently alluding you.
Friends don't celebrate by talking a lot about a job opportunity when their friend is down, especially when said friend is trying to get a break in the same field. A friend doesn't threaten to spill dirt if called as a reference. A friend doesn't state they'll probably take up legal action if that happens.
It sounds like both of you could do some growing up. As for your question, we have no way of knowing if your "friend" will do anything, but if he does, move on and take away a lesson you should have learned through all of this, but is apparently alluding you.
So you think I'm gonna sit back quietly if someone screws me over? Oh no, there would be hell to pay. The legal system would be the least of his worries. But that's only if he does anything.
This is not your friend....A friend does not act this way. I am glad that you took his name off your reference list....The rest you'll have to deal with only if he does contact the company...
You might remind him that since he also is interested in this industry.....He'd be hurting himself as much as you if he followed through...I think it is sour grapes....But, I would distance myself from him going forward.
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