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It's like everytime she speak I get really angry I side. She is actually a very nice person. Basically she left me at my grandmothers when I was a baby because she didn't want to give up her work as she was raised in poverty and she didn't want us to live like that. Because I was a girl, my grandmother neglected me. I don't think my mum knows how to look after children because she came from a family of 10 which was in poverty at the time. I'm sure her mother never had time to look after her which is probanly why she isn't the most caring person in the world. When I was young my mum used to work like 6/7 days a week so I barely saw her. She always worked on weekends so the only day she had off was on a weekday and I would probanly be in school. Because she didn't exactly bring me up herself, I was never very close to her. I started getting really bad.y bullied in primary school but I never told my mum because I was never close to her. I don't think I told anyone. Basically I had no freinds. We then moved houses and I changed schools because my mum got a work somewhere else. In that school I had freinds and I was fine. Then I started high school where literally no one liked me and my freinds tried to avoid me and talked behind my back all the time.
I feel like a messed up person.
I became paranoid and depressed. I still couldn't tell my mum because she was working all the time. I felt like she wa neglecting me as well. And the. I started hating on her.This really weird thing happened in school. Basically, everytime this certain teacher walked passed me, I stared at him. I don't know why. I didn't even like him. I can swear down that I did not have a crush on him what so ever. Idk why I looked at him.
He got paranoid that I had a crush in him and he quit his job. None of the teachers then liked me and kept giving me evils for the rest of my high school life. Thankfully none of the kids found out in school and it was kept confidential.
Then I went onto college. I'm sure the teachers from my high school told my teachers at college about this teacher thing. I don't know if I'm just thinking that or if they actually did.The thing is, they never told my parents about it so idk if they would tell teachers at my college about it.
Anyways. I feel like a messed up person because I'm literally scared of doing everything. I'm scared of hurting people, I'm scared of just talking to certain people. I'm scared of doing chemistry experiments. I'm scared of looking teachers in the face. I always look away.
Most colleges offer free counseling to help their students with all kinds of issues and concerns. I'd recommend that you look into this, since you sound very troubled and distressed about a number of things in your life. Talk with a counselor - they may suggest you see a doctor or may want to set up regular counseling sessions for you.
The first thing I thought of was Asperger’s syndrome. Is it possible to get tested for that where you are located?
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