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I dated my future husband on and off for eight years before we got married.
Whenever we were "off" and he was dating another woman his mom would compare the other woman to me and the other woman would never quite make the grade. We got along very well both before and after we were married & before and after we had children.
I spent 20+ yrs being a single Mom to 4 sons. 1 by 1 they grew up and moved out. They rarely had time for me, since they were busy working 40+ hrs/wk, and friends, and always on the hunt for the next potential girlfriend. I understood that.
Without going into the details (and history)... a very dear friend said something to me, one day.... and it hit me like a brick!!!
A daughter, is a daughter, for the rest of her life.
A son, is a son, until he takes a wife.
Saddenly, that was the moment I realized I'm screwed. The last 5 yrs, I've come to accept this fate in life. I stay out of their lives. I don't get involved. That way they can NEVER blame me for *whatever* failures and setbacks they suffer in their adulthood. We talk on the phone.... when they're not too busy. But it's worked well for me... because they know... they can't BLAME ME for whatever goes wrong.
My only issue with my mil was that she wasn't an affectionate person. At all. Not even with her own children. I'm aware of how lucky I was. She was always kind, just not an affectionate bone in her body. I always respected her because she was my hubby's mother.
While reading this thread, couldn't help but think of a movie I saw years ago....do not remember the name of it, nor the actresses, but it was a real tear jerker.
About a MIL and DIL who did not get along at all...but the MIL, got cancer, and was dying, and there was no one else.
So the son and DIL took her in, and at first it was horrible, they were mean to each other, and then something happened, and they grew closer and closer, and in the end, they were so close and loved one another...I've got chills just thinking about it....
If anyone knows the movie I speak of....please let me know what it is...
Without going into the details (and history)... a very dear friend said something to me, one day.... and it hit me like a brick!!!
A daughter, is a daughter, for the rest of her life.
A son, is a son, until he takes a wife.
I've heard that saying. I have only sons too. Perhaps it has more to do with the sons than the MIL or DIL! I don't know. I hope for the best when mine get to that stage.
I have been a MIL to 6 (including SOs), and I have respect for them, and I expect them to have the same towards me. If they ask me my advise, I gladly give it, but otherwise I keep quiet. Now, my children who are married to these people, do get to hear my opinion on many things, whether they like it or not. I have had 2 MILs, and I listened respectfully, and then did as I pleased. It is just good manners.
If OP chose a wife who is a disrespectful lout, its on him.
Yes it's a pattern. I wish all wives would remember how they resented their own nosy and opinionated MILs. If they did maybe they would try to be better MILs. I do think that new wives are touchy and MILs are fearful of losing influence or love. So there is a competition.
well, as far as I'm concerned, can't speak for anyone else, but our home, was the home where all his friends came, both boys and girls....and never had a problem with any of them....so when problems started occuring with my DIL, I can tell you, it hit me like a ton of bricks....
Honestly, I was in a state of shock...never saw it coming, didn't understand what was happening, and cried like a baby....even afterwards it took me a while to process....talk about being totally unaware.
I mean to tell you, I was so totally afraid to talk, and all I wanted to do was go home...and think it through....my whole body went into shock mode.
Never ever want to feel that kind of hurt again....that was just as painful as my divorce....
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