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Just thought of dosing off by sharing some thoughts with you. I guess this is a non-romantic and romantic issue. I come from an eastern European country and I've been studying abroad four years now. In my current city I made many good friends, including people from my own country. I've been especially close with this girl from the same area where I come from. I always knew she was a sort of nationalistic and narrow minded individual, but I never thought that this would cause any problems in my life. She is a charming person and has her good side as well. Everything changed when I started dating someone from a different cultural background. We were together for a couple of months and all this time my best friend kept tossing inappropriate and racist remarks. It all began as a joke. Every time I was obviously upset she would just say that it is an innocent joke and she doesn't mean bad. After the time she actually met my ex boyfriend the situation was worse. The racist "funny" jokes didn't stop. It was obvious whenever we all hanged out together that she had her won cultural biases. One time that the situation went out of line was when my friend asked my ex out of curiosity if he is Christian. It was very awkward and he tried to laugh it off. The second time that they met again at an outing was the last straw of our relationship. She asked again the same question(about his religious view) because we told her it was unnecessary and she wanted to confront him about it. She was very rude and inappropriate, insisting that she wanted an answer because she had an X view about his country and background. He tried to avoid her again, but the situation was completely out of hand. It escalated to an argument where he lashed out, offending our background and unfortunately giving grounds to my friend. He broke up with me two days later mumbling some excuses that may or not be true. I don't think that we would have lasted anyhow but I can't stop thinking about my friends unacceptable behaviour. She still trashes him, saying that he felt inferior because we are X and he is Y. I honestly don't want to think that she had anything to do with this but I can't help having hard feelings for all this, and I feel misfit around my friends.
Thank you in advance for listening!\
and sorry for the long passage!
M.
Sounds like you need new friends. She didn't care if she hurt your feelings, or your boyfriends feelings.
I choose friends based on how I feel they treat me and others. Just because she is the same nationality you are, is not a good reason to remain friends, as she has shown you your feelings are not important, and she will keep doing this to you.
I have no doubt she ran your boyfriend off, and you did not stop her, so he felt you didn't care enough for him because of that.
Since she is still being mean about him, even though he has gone...that tells me she knew what she was doing. Choose to remain friends, or not...But expect her to behave this same way always.
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