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Of course I am jealous, I will reiterate, they have The American Dream. I want to live my life away from them, for now. It makes me feel better to not be part of their life.
Now, in the meantime, I would like to figure out what would make me happy. I don't think it's what they have, but you know when you want something but you just don't know what it is?
Wasting time being envious of others is just that: a waste of time. My guess is that your brother and SIL must not be that content or they wouldn't be so rude and arrogant. People who enjoy their lives are much nicer people.
I'm really not sure about the American Dream; what exactly does that mean? Is it having a new car and a nice house, nice clothes, nice job, good salary? Or does it mean being comfortable with who you are and not fretting about the 'things' that others seem to have?
If you want to go to the reunion you won't have a pleasant time if you're worrying about what ludicrous statements comes out of their mouths. But if you go to the reunion and focus on catching up with the 'nice' relatives and enjoy their company you'll have a much better time.
You will never be able to change anyone other than yourself. Sounds like you need to learn how to desensitize and not allow cruel people to dictate how you feel and how you live your life.
And as far as 'being happy'...happy is usually a temporary feeling as a result of an event or situation. Being content with who you are and what you have is more rewarding.
Yes, I have a huge chip on my shoulder, but he has been ugly acting and demeaning towards me. His lovely wife decided it was time to pick an argument with me the day after my father died. BTW she was a grief counselor at the time.
Now, my mother and daughter desire to have this "family reunion" with he and his family. His wife has the same attitude he does, they need to drive Hondas, use Apple computers you get it.
My time is limited. I just started a good job ( for me) and I really don't feel like asking for time off to spend time with he or his family. Am I being an "itch" with a "b"?
Everyone else already addressed the jealousy issue. I think you've given him way too much power and for whatever reason, chose to gloss up his life/ his desired traits and gave him too much credit for that. If he's such a curmudgeon, then simply recognize that only. The other aspects of his life aren't really a big deal at all, so he's got a boringly normal life. So what?
As for the "family reunion", you have the right to back out and not participate in the event. Don't let anyone bully you into attending-- I mean, if you have to be bullied into going, its not really much of a FAMILY event to be in. Your mother and your daughter can go without you. Presumably they know how he treats you? They should respect the boundaries you lie down.
OP,
You are a hospice worker? My goodness, girl, I sure couldn't do that. It takes a special kind of person to be able to work that kind of job and God Bless those of you that can. You should feel extra extra proud of yourself for helping other people get through one of the hardest saddest times of their lives. Like I said--I sure could not do what you are doing. Let your brother jet set all around and brag about himself. He is probably jealous of you...or a more positive attitude would be he probably secretly wishes he could be more like you. Give yourself a big hug! I really admire you and there are so many people who do as well, I am sure. Hold you head up high. You rock.
Yeah I get you. I got some of that low end business too and have an occasionally insufferable sister that is trying to do better to relate to us peasants but you need to read and really get the advice given in this thread on a visceral level. There will always be "better" people. Better looking, stronger, smarter, more likable but you are your own gift and you need to accept and appreciate what you have been given. If you find you need professional help or support to find self acceptance, get that help. Time to shuck that chip. You will be surprised at the results.
My time is limited. I just started a good job ( for me) and I really don't feel like asking for time off to spend time with he or his family. Am I being an "itch" with a "b"?
No. You are entirely reasonable in the way you feel.
Your brother was the golden child: handsome, successful, easy to love. What would be weird and unhealthy would be if you didn't resent him.
That your parents' overt favoritism did him no good is evidenced by the fact that he feels free to put you down. Had they raised him to be a kind, caring individual instead of a self-centered dick, he would not treat you this way.
There was a golden child in my family: the first-born. I was the second-born. I never had a chance from the moment I exited the birth canal.
And I'm the successful one, by the standards of the world. No matter. The golden child will always, always come first.
In some families the golden child is the one who is the biggest loser, the druggie, the chronic drunk, the spouse abuser. Because obviously that person needs the most parental love. Or so the parent thinks.
I think it boils down to jealousy. You are really reaching when you mentioned they only drive Hondas. No one is impressed by a Honda and it shows that you really don't have much to complain about if you brought that up.
You didn't mention why your sister in law picked a fight with you. Were you acting unreasonable after a death and she pointed it out? Being a grief counselor she would know.
You have to live your life and do what makes you happy. You can never use the past to blame the present. It sounds like you have a job that you enjoy and are good at. Few people have that. You only have to be where you want to be.
Since you don't mention a special occasion for the reunion - like someone's 100th birthday - there's no reason you can't nicely say, truthfully, that you've just started a new job and can't ask for time off. Nothing wrong with that.
On the other hand, I wouldn't go so far as to call your brother "toxic." A lot of siblings bicker. Who knows - maybe "I cannot believe we came from the same parents" may refer to something other than what you're imagining. And a lot of parents favor the son, regardless of who is "better." It may, sadly, just be sexism. And, hey, now that you're an adult, you know that anyone can choose to be likable. You could re-invent yourself, too, at the next get-together.
I think it boils down to jealousy. You are really reaching when you mentioned they only drive Hondas. No one is impressed by a Honda and it shows that you really don't have much to complain about if you brought that up.
You didn't mention why your sister in law picked a fight with you. Were you acting unreasonable after a death and she pointed it out? Being a grief counselor she would know.
You have to live your life and do what makes you happy. You can never use the past to blame the present. It sounds like you have a job that you enjoy and are good at. Few people have that. You only have to be where you want to be.
In RE: Honda, you can't really say she's "really reaching"... In some areas and with certain demography/subset, Hondas are status symbols. The area I'm from, Hondas and Subarus are the brands.
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