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Growing up, I always knew to my aunt and her husband to be pretty well off. They live in the million dollar house, they owned property all over the country, they owned several cars luxury cars, their kids attended private school, I don't think my aunt has ever held a job. I never knew exactly what her husband did but it seems he was in the real estate business. My guess is that he was flipping houses and was very successful at it. These days, not so much or perhaps he never was and it was all an illusion.
Two years ago, the husband called my mom and asked to borrow pretty sizable sum of money. He said he was going through a rough time but that he had some money coming in very soon and that he would pay back with interest. I told my mom not to do it or not to give him anything that she could not afford to give to him as a gift. She said she trusted him and she knew him to be a man of his word. Recently my mother called them to ask about her money and they said she would get it in 3 months. Three months came and went and... nothing. She called again and apparently she said something to them that upset them and made them cry. My mother tried calling again multiple times and they are apparently dodging her calls. She is pretty distraught about the situation so I decided to call. Surprisingly, they returned my call and they explained that they are having a very difficult time and that things aren't going the way they're supposed to, deals are falling though and etc... he told me that my mom could expect some money by the end of the year.
I actually feel bad for them and I honestly don't believe that they will pay this money back any time soon (if ever). I too loaned them some money personally and I've pretty much written that off. From what I do know, I think they're kind of stupid people because it seems they've made stupid and very irresponsible financial decisions that got them into this situation in the first place and now they have nothing to fall back on. They are full excuses, deals are always falling through at the last minute. I don't know much about the real estate business but this is just crazy to me.
My mother on the other hand is understandably very frustrated. She is currently unemployed. Her house is pretty much falling apart. She's having to ask me for money all the time. We're not well off but we make due. I don't believe my aunt and her husband are terrible people but it seems they took advantage of my mother. On the other hand, I feel my mother had no business loaning them this amount money in the first place.
At least the husband is willing to speak to me because I don't berate him. They refuse to speak to my mother who loaned them the money. I'm afraid talking to them makes it seem like I endorse their behavior and that I agree that my mom is the bad guy here. How would you handle this?
What kind of money are we talking about? $1,000, $10,000, $100,000? Is your mother from a culture where it is expected to help your family before you help yourself?
If your mother is a regular person living a regular life, I can't see EVER 'lending' money to people who lived an extravagant lifestyle, regardless of their current situation, unless they had done the same for her in the past.
We lent money to my BIL to start a company that ultimately failed. This was many years ago, so we've long since written it off for the sake of family harmony. However, the fact that he has never mentioned it, nor apologized for not paying it back, has sealed our low opinion about his character. Once, in 2006, when my husband and I needed the money, we asked him to pay it back, but he said he couldn't remember that he hadn't, and still he has never mentioned it since.
My advice to myself and the OP is, live and learn.
I never loan money unless I can afford to lose it. So, I would just drop it.
But if that person ever came to me again asking to "borrow" money, I would remind them how much they already owe me and let them know that I can't afford to "give away" any more money.
What blktoptrvl said.
I think that the money I have leaded to relatives over the years would amount to a sizable sum. When ever a relative has asked me, I consult with my better half and we usually say the same thing "don't expect to see this again".
Once or twice, we have been pleasantly surprised.
One thing I will not do? Co-sign. Anything. Ever. We had a falling out with my wife's sister because she wanted me to co-sign a mortgage on a house for her. We said "no".
You need to get them to set up a payment plan to pay each month some amount to bring down the debt. In addition, try and get them to turn over items of value to decrease the debt and you will apply those to interest and return them when the loan is repaid. Make this vehicles, artwork if they have any of value, etc. Make this a supportive conversation that will get things moving in the direction of them working with you to move forward.
I actually feel bad for them and I honestly don't believe that they will pay this money back any time soon (if ever). I too loaned them some money personally and I've pretty much written that off. From what I do know, I think they're kind of stupid people because it seems they've made stupid and very irresponsible financial decisions that got them into this situation in the first place and now they have nothing to fall back on. They are full excuses, deals are always falling through at the last minute. I don't know much about the real estate business but this is just crazy to me.
My mother on the other hand is understandably very frustrated. She is currently unemployed. Her house is pretty much falling apart. She's having to ask me for money all the time. We're not well off but we make due. I don't believe my aunt and her husband are terrible people but it seems they took advantage of my mother. On the other hand, I feel my mother had no business loaning them this amount money in the first place.
At least the husband is willing to speak to me because I don't berate him. They refuse to speak to my mother who loaned them the money. I'm afraid talking to them makes it seem like I endorse their behavior and that I agree that my mom is the bad guy here.
I would stop talking to them immediately. Because you're wrong: They are terrible people.
They're manipulative narcissists who care nothing about family. They must at all costs maintain the illusion of prosperity. They couldn't care less if you or your mother starved to death.
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How would you handle this?
Assuming they live in the same town you do, I'd take out a full-size billboard with their picture that said "Don't Loan Money to This Couple". State the exact amount owed you and your mom. They can't sue you for defamation if everything you say is true.
When they call, apoplectic with rage, tell them you'll have the billboard taken down once the amount owed is repaid.
Last edited by fluffythewondercat; 08-07-2015 at 02:17 PM..
mizzlea, your aunt and her husband are scumbags that will never repay the loan. You and your mother should tell everyone in the family never to loan money and avoid them. They never had any intention to payback the loan.
For your moms well being, she should forget about it and never associate with said scumbags. That money is long gone.
Why would you feel bad for them? They scammed your mother and you, and they are good at it.
We lent money to my BIL to start a company that ultimately failed. This was many years ago, so we've long since written it off for the sake of family harmony. However, the fact that he has never mentioned it, nor apologized for not paying it back, has sealed our low opinion about his character. Once, in 2006, when my husband and I needed the money, we asked him to pay it back, but he said he couldn't remember that he hadn't, and still he has never mentioned it since.
My advice to myself and the OP is, live and learn.
My BIL tried to borrow money from my MIL to start his business. He was furious when my husband blocked it (property that would have been borrowed against is in his and his mom's name.) My BIL turned to his own mom, and promptly lost all the money when the business went belly up after 4 years. My MIL is a softy, and would probably have lent, then lost, the money if it wasn't for my husband. No shock that the BIL lost the money. No shock that he's felt no guilt at losing the money of his mom's.
I wouldn't have given him the money, therefore I wouldn't have lent him the money.
...I too loaned them some money personally and I've pretty much written that off.
...
You won't be able to solve this problem like a regular business transaction because this transaction was between family members. Unless she is willing to continually, and perhaps endlessly, ask (or beg) for the loan to be repaid, shame/embarrass them because of it, or take the borrowers to court (or utilize other, similar means) in order to force them to honor their obligation (which could potentially damage the relationship permanently), that money is gone.
Assuming they live in the same town you do, I'd take out a full-size billboard with their picture that said "Don't Loan Money to This Couple". State the exact amount owed you and your mom. They can't sue you for defamation if everything you say is true.
When they call, apoplectic with rage, tell them you'll have the billboard taken down once the amount owed is repaid.
LOL! Scorched earth policy for sure but hilarious.
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