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I'm hoping someone can help me. I fell in love with a guy in England. I lived in America. I never expected it to happen but I'm so glad I did as he is wonderful and so amazingly sweet to me. I'm proud to say he is my husband now for about a year and a half.
The issue isn't with him at all. It's with moving to England. I always saw myself moving away from my home town, even my home state, so moving to England seemed like just turning that plan up a few notches . I guess when I was young I never got homesick when I was away and looked forward to leaving.
Now the reality has hit me and it's so hard at times. My in laws are so sweet but don't feel as close as my family, I haven't made any close friends yet, any at all really. I've been here about a year now. My parents and friends have visited for a week each.
I just miss my family and friends so much and feel so isolated at times. I'm just wondering if anyone else has made a far more for love and if it's gotten easier to cope with the distance and how they deal with it. Obviously I Skype them quite often but it's not the same. I wish I could just drop by whenever I like as before. I just keep thinking about the future and how I won't really be apart of my nieces and nephews loves (already have 3) and it beaks my heart most of all..
Anyone else going through the same?
I have not gone through this but it sounds really hard and you have my sympathy. It does sound like you're giving it your best shot, too - including being very appreciative of your husband and happy to be with him, and trying for a year to make it work.
What do you do during the day? Do you have a job? Or are you a student? Or are you alone a lot?
I don't have anything to advise. It does sound hard - and the holidays approaching will likely make it seem even harder. Good luck. Try to stay active if you can.
You sound like you've got yourself a lovely English guy! Sorry to hear that you are feeling isolated though.
Are you interested in joining any groups at all? If so, your local (City or County - depending on where you live) Council is a really good source of information. They all have websites with a 'What's On' section, showing events in your area.
They also do a 'Community Directory' which lists lots of social groups. It is worth a trip to your local library too. They should have a printed version of the Community Directory and you could have a word with them about what goes on locally.
I haven't moved quite that far, but I have moved around a lot, and none of it is particularly close to family. We see each other once a year, if we are lucky.
My advice is: The grass is always greener. I have realized that every place has it's positives and negatives, yet when we live in the moment, we tend to focus on the negative and when we move away we tend to remember only the positive. So right now, missing home, you will remember only the good things. It might help to remember some of the negative things and try to actively do/see the positive things in England.
It's not much help, but hang in there. Volunteer if you can. Do you have SILs or married BILs? Maybe you can confide in them (SILs/BILs' wives). They may include you in more of their friendship circle or introduce you to someone.
You're not alone. It's a PITA making new friends and navigating a different culture. Also, I don't know if you work, but if you don't, this is what my husband and I do: we drive out to our parents together, he spends two weeks and then flies back while I and our children stay for another week or two before driving back. It allows maximum time with family with minimum time away from work (for husband) and husband (for me). Since you have to fly, you could break it up with you flying out a week early, then two weeks for your husband, then one more for you after he flies back.
I moved away from my family long time back & its a big sacrifice. I chose higher education, better country & opportunities over them. I didn't fit in my country at all. When i left i made up my mind never to regret the decision & luckily i never did. I didnt get along much with my family so i was happy to move far away. I dont get to see them for years & i have missed most important events. I do feel lonely because you dont find that kind of love & affection among strangers. I dont miss the drama though. Moving away was a choice i made. When i visit home i dont feel the same love & affection as the kids are growing up without knowing you & people dont invest so much love & affection in you because you will be gone in no time. It hurts a lot, especially the plane ride back. You feel like you dont belong there anymore & people are slowly forgetting you. Out of sight is out of mind.
Have you ever considered talking to your husband about moving back? Or maybe spend vacations frequently back home?
Sorry to hear that. We moved far away from my home, and moved mostly each year. That is really difficult for us. At first, I feel so excited but right now, I am very tired, especially when you have children. When you are sick, tired, you have no-one beside.
The truth is sad, but as long as you are far away, your connection with friends, family is decreased. I am far away from my home for ten years. Whenever I back home, I visited my close friends. However, our relation is not the same. We look in the different directions (how could I expect to look in the same direction for ten years?).
In my opinion, for your family, your friends, try to Skype often. Use facebook, Viber, What's app or something to be informed. Don't forget their birthday, important events. My sister sends clothes, toys to my daughter for each her birthday, Christmas. That is not important to us, but for the children, that's the way to be missed .
For your new life, once you open your heart, it is not difficult to find new friends. I live in Europe, and I don't speak French well, but I found true friends.
Good luck with your new life.
First time I moved very far away, someone told me it takes about two years to adjust.
It was true.. when I hit the two year mark I did actually notice an inner calm and the sense I was embracing my surroundings. After that it became more comfortable to accept new relationships, friends, into my life.
Having friends will give you a fulfilment that will nourish the empty feeling. Things evolve as you listen to your instincts. Just ask yourself what would be a good way to spend time today? Then do it.
I want to thank you all for your advice and support. Hearing your stories and advise makes me feel like I'm less alone in all of this and that I can improve my attitude and situation about it all this is what I wanted. People who understood and./or empathised. I know I still have work to do but it feels more doable now
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