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Given the fragile state of your mother's health, I'm not sure if she should be told right now, but if told it might be better if the news was conveyed by the mental health professional overseeing her care.
I agree with this advice. Perhaps discuss it with her doctor.
I had just returned from the hospital about an hour ago when they called me to inform that my grandmother had passed away. I called my grandfather and he's completely devastated.
I still don't know how to handle this, she was very weak and she was 80, but it's one thing after another.
And I can't even imagine how I will tell my mother that her mother has died as well, they were very very close.
OMG! This is horrible! I agree with the above poster, I wouldn't tell her yet, it might send her over the edge.
My brother committed suicide on Saturday, He was 24. He was a jolly intelligent guy who came at the top of his class in high school and went on to a top university to study engineering.
Things deteriorated a lot since he went to uni. He was always very anxious and started to get depressive episodes when he couldn't get approved in certain classes. He left a very long letter explaining that he kept failing at some classes since his first year and that if he didn't make them until next September he would be suspended from the uni for a year.
He wrote suicide was the only way to save his honour from the disgrace that getting suspended would mean to him.
He was atheist and he left instructions saying that he didn't want a religious funeral, just a cremation. No flowers and no ceremony of any sort. Only the closest family members could be present.
However, my mother had a nervous breakdown on the news of his death and she's heavily sedated in hospital. My maternal grandmother had a stroke as soon as we told her the news. This was her second stroke and the doctors say her condition is irreversible now. She'll be bedridden for the rest of her life.
My maternal grandfather is already 83, he wants to stay with my grandmother and accompanying the cremation would be tough for him. My paternal grandfather is 90 and I don't know if there's a point in telling him about his grandson's death.
My brother's friends are a different story. He completely wiped out his PC's hard drive before dying. I notice he keeps getting text messages on his phone but I don't have the password.
Is it very bad to just inform his friends about his death after he has already been cremated? I'll probably be the only one there.
Sorry if the post is messed up but we're all in great shock. He planned it methodically so that I was the one who would find his body and not my mother.
My condolences to you and your family. I would let his friends know that your brother has passed. You sound like a really good kid, your family needs you more now then ever. I wish all the best, stay well young man.
OP, what do YOU feel like doing? Do you need/want a memorial service that his friends can attend? I don't care what your brother said in his suicide note -- he's lost his vote, and funerals are for the benefit of the survivors, to help them cope with the loss of their loved one/friend. If you feel that you want a funeral or memorial service, then have one, and to hell with his wishes. He has no right to stick you with the clean-up from his decisions, and at the same time deny you any possible solace you can glean.
You could take the phone by his carrier's store (Verizon, AT&T, etc.), and if you have a death certificate, you can ask them for the password so that you can notify his friends, etc. (Please don't use his phone to do that . . . that would be a little unsettling for his friends.)
Does he have a Facebook account? If so, you could post a notice there. The word would get around quickly.
I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with the fall-out from his decision, between your mother and your grandmother. Please consider getting some counseling for yourself soon -- you're going to be angry, sad and confused for a while, and counseling will help get your head wrapped around it. Your 90 year old grandfather -- that's a tough call, especially after how your grandmother reacted. Are there any family members that might slip up and tell him anyway? Is he active and alert? If not, then I think you are making the right decision.
And I agree, funerals are for the living. If you think you and family or friends need a memorial service, have one. It isn't not honoring your brother. I am sure he was in a place where he was very low and wanted to minimize the impact on others. He did lose his vote, and he was loved.
When my grandmother died we couldn't go to the funeral. My brother and I just went to the beach with some flowers and a picnic and told our favorite stories about her. It was very simple but very healing.
Please read the whole post before commenting people!
This poor woman's grandmother has now died of a stroke due to the stress of her grandson dying, and y'all are talking about her initial post. Good Lord.
Please read the whole post before commenting people!
This poor woman's grandmother has now died of a stroke due to the stress of her grandson dying, and y'all are talking about her initial post. Good Lord.
Seriously?
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