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Sorry if this is the wrong forum, I'm not sure where to put my question. Anyway, today in my sociology class, my professor decided to call a few students up in front of the class and asked them to name as many students as they could. Everyone just named who they knew except one guy. He decided to points to everyone and name them. I'll start out by saying that I'm EXTREMELY shy and I have social anxiety. I don't speak up in class so I'm not surprised that no one named me. Anyway, when the one student got to me, he said "who cares who they are?!" and moved on quickly to the person next to me. That made some people laughed; one person in the row in front of me laughed right in my face. I obviously failed to see the humor in it. As someone that suffers from depression and social anxiety, it hurt and made me cry. I'll admit that I'm very sensitive after being bullied and laughed at for most of my life. I sometimes feel like no one cares about me so his comment hurt. I didn't say anything and left class a few minutes later. My question is, how do you handle rude comments and should I have said something in class? Sorry if this is long lol
It's hard to do, and hard to think of what to do so quickly, but in a best case scenario, I would have quipped back, "I care, that's who!" Or "Okay, I'm gonna call you out on that one, dude! My name is KJ!?" I wouldn't have said it in a hostile way, I don't think. But like you, I would've been caught off guard, so i don't know if I would have been able to think about what to say so quickly.
I can't believe that guy said that. He probably just took the opportunity to turn it into a comedy routine (or so he thought). Others laughing at a quip...I wouldn't take that to heart. He made a funny, so others laughed. Some did not. I wouldn't have. I would've been the person to say to the whole class after the guy finished, something like, "So let's have the name of the mystery guy!"
But that's your cue that you need to SPEAK UP in class, if you want to be heard and for people to know you. In order for people to know you, you must SAY SOMETHING. Even if they don't like what you say. It doesn't matter.
I have a theory about shyness. It's not scientific. It may be wrong. I used to be really shy as a child, with people outside of the family, unless it was with a close friend (I didn't have many). I wouldn't speak up about anything. There are reasons for that, which don't matter here. I was lively and feisty with my family members, though. Anyway, as I grew up, started working, interacting with people more, and such, I gradually grew more extroverted. Until now, at 61, I am a full blown extrovert. You would never believe I had ever been shy.
My theory is this. People are shy because they are more concerned about themselves than they are about others. Think about it. If you are truly interested in someone else, or a subject matter in class, or the teacher, you will interact with them, respond to them, and not worry so much about what you say or how you say it. Your focus will be on them, not yourself.
So I recommend speaking from the heart, off the cuff, and focusing on other people, not yourself. If you had been doing that when the guy said that to you in class, you would have responded with at least your name, I'm sure.
I would have told the kid to go F34k himself but that's just me, and I have another problem, why didn't another guy like myself speak up and tell the kid to leave his classmates alone? I had a kid a lot like yourself, he was scared at first when I was assigned the seat behind him but we quickly became friends, I made it clear to anyone that Michael is my friend so the other kids in the class backed off and soon after that he was able to come out of his shell a bit and even hug out with the rest of the guys from school yard. We might have been a little bad by having some streets smarts but we were always defenders of the defenseless, it's funny that was a long ago yet were all still the same way today.
I went back to school for my Master's in my 40's, so I wasn't nearly as intimidated by the situation as I was in my undergrad years. IF I was in this situation, as an "older" lady, I would have said, "excuse me, but I didn't hear this young man's name, could you please repeat it?" That's also something the instructor should have said. You learn these ways to handle situations as you go along. Perhaps, OP, if you felt confident enough, you could have said, oh, Hi, everybody, my name's Steve, or something to that effect. Like I say, you need to develop the confidence to do so, and we all learn from such situations. But don't let it affect your education
Well, I just got out of that particular class. I decided that telling the guy that was rude to me how I was feeling would make me feel better. At the start of the class, my professor talked about how students should respect other students and if we have any problems, we should bring it to him. I think he brought that up because of the email I sent him. Anyway, at the end of the class, I told the professor that I wanted to speak to him and the guy that was rude. I wouldn't have been brave enough to say anything on my own do I wanted the professor there. I told the guy that I felt disrespected and that I thought what he said was rude. He told me that he didn't intend to offend me and he apologized. I do feel good now, almost like crying. I never really stood up for myself and it feels good to do. Thanks to everyone that replied.
Good for you! Way to go, KJ! There is nothing wrong with being sensitive. There should be more sensitive people in the world. But you do need to develop a thicker skin....and SPEAK UP! Make sure people notice you. You have something to say!
Unless someone has a hair trigger anger problem, nobody would have had time to react when the guy did his rude routine.
I would have gone home and obsessed over the jerk's comment, too. And by the way, there is no need to become someone else. If you are shy, so be it. If you're not into confronting people, that's okay. You're obviously brave enough to tackle college.
I did think of a fun comeback, though, for future encounters of the rude kind. "You know that kid who brings a gun to college? That kid could be me. You might not want to be on my list." Then smile really big and kind of scary and walk away.
NO, NO, NO!!!!
Not unless you want campus security called, school on lockdown, etc. Just never say GUN!
I'm sorry that someone said something rude to you. I don't understand why some people feel the need to be rude. I like your advice and I'll think about it the next time if someone is rude to me again. Thanks!
I don't think the guy intended it to be mean. Imagining what went through his mind when he said it, I come up with....he runs across someone whose name he doesn't know, he's a jokester, so he makes the first joke that he can think of without thinking of the consequences or exactly that he's getting a laugh at someone else's expense. It was his way of getting a laugh from not knowing something. Some others laughed. But remember that not everyone did! But those who laughed...they are the type that it probably wouldn't have hurt their feelings, so they didn't see the joke as mean.
This happens with famous comedians, too. They make a joke. Jokes push the limit sometimes. Sometimes they go too far, and the comedian gets hate mail or loses a commercial job or something. They just went for a laugh. To them it wasn't personal. But it was a bad choice of joke.
This sort of thing has happened to everyone. Even the most popular people have been publicly embarrassed or snubbed or joked about. Everyone.
Thanks. 👍 As I mentioned earlier, I've been teased a lot and I never knew how to speak up for myself. I want to learn how to do that so people won't walk all over me.
Stop being afraid, and concerned, get mad, don't take things so seriously. Aittle jerk can go a long way. I don't understand the demographic that you're a part of, you can still be sweet sensitive yoi, and not take bullspit from anyone, or take off the cuff jokes, such as yoir colleagues to heart, he may actually know your name, crude humor is the key here. You don't have to be a jackass, but you can respect yourself. You are who you are, so he probably didn't think you'd be so hurt over it. Thick sminned people assume everyome else is to, if they are nice, tbey may apologize, it's all about coming correct.
People always spout off about people being ass holes, because of some crude humor, doesn't make them the Stiffler archetype.
Thanks for the advice everyone! I do feel better, especially when I don't think about it lol I'd quote everyone and respond individually but I don't want to make a million posts in a row. I did email my professor explaining what happened and why I left class. He hasn't responded yet. I go back to class tomorrow and I'm not really looking forward to it. It makes me feel bad that people think I don't matter. It's always been hard for me to make friends so it gets kind of lonely at school. I would like to make some friends but it's hard. I do see a psychologist and that does help.
Remember this the next time someone does something or says something that upsets you. Often people who have a deficiency, aren't happy with something about themselves or are unhappy in their life will do things to make others feel bad. Quite a lot of the time there exists projection in what they do / say as well. Maybe someone in their life is currently treating them like they don't exist.
When you feel good about yourself you want others to feel the same.
Remember this the next time someone does something or says something that upsets you. Often people who have a deficiency, aren't happy with something about themselves or are unhappy in their life will do things to make others feel bad. Quite a lot of the time there exists projection in what they do / say as well. Maybe someone in their life is currently treating them like they don't exist.
When you feel good about yourself you want others to feel the same.
And sometimes this here is just something to make you feel better.
You don't seem to actually realize you aren't in high school any more.
Its time to grow up, start acting like an adult.
Even if you don't feel like an adult, fake it till you make it.
Being adult = not getting upset over some random jerks random comment.
cinder,
This is one time I am going to have to agree with you - well, a part of your post anyway.
I actually had to re-read the OP to determine if this was high school or college.
I would never ask my professor to stand there while I confronted another student unless it was a serious issue - physical confrontation, stealing, etc.
I also can't understand the point of the classroom exercise - that I would have emailed the professor about.
So being raw and easily hurt is better then believing in yourself and having a strong sense of self is better?
You don't have a thick skin. You know how to pretend you have a thick skin so you won't continue to be attacked. Very different.
So continuing to be attacked is a good thing?
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