Do you personally know people who regret having kids? (girlfriend, divorced, adults)
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i am sorry to those whose parents actually told them they were unwanted but from a parent's perspective, being a parent is SO HARD! you can do all things right and your kids may still hate you or disown you. we struggled financially for years with child related costs. of course this is all par for the course but it does make life easier to not have children. this is a simple fact! you get more sleep, more money, more fun, more time to yourself. of course you miss out on having precious children. but sometimes those precious children grow up, get DUI's, go bankrupt, use you as an ATM, break your heart and give you grey hairs. we all want our parents to love unconditionally but parents are humans too. this is not excusing those parents who told their kids they regret having them but just trying to see the other side a bit as well.
I can assure you not all unwanted kids act that way. I was a great kid, slightly challenging teen and am a law abiding adult who has never asked her mom for money. Still, I was unwanted. I knew from as long as I can remember I was an unwanted accident. I am a mother myself, to two very challenging children. I don't care how challenging they are, it doesn't give you an excuse to tell them or make them feel unwanted.
If your child is treating you like that, you need to work on yourself.
I was born in the 80s. My parents didn't want children but kept having accidents. No one wanted my parents to have children. Their parents were devastated they had any. So I guess add to that, my grandmother often voiced how I shouldn't have been born too. Fun times.
You poor soul. Good Lord, that is beyond terrible.
This is an interesting thread to read. I'm in my early 30s and have been firmly fence-sitting for years about whether or not to have kids. I'm an only child, so if I don't have kids my mom won't be a grandma (something I know she wants though she never pressures me), but I know that's not reason enough to have children. My husband and I have four nephews, and love them dearly. We have a ton of fun spending time with them, spoiling them, and then...going back to our quiet house and planning our next vacation. That said, I do fear of missing out on something great if I don't have kids - husband is sitting on the fence next to me, so we're both just kind of in limbo with it.
Interesting to read these perspectives from kids of parents who shouldn't have been parents, and parents who acknowledge that they wouldn't do it if they could do it over again. Thanks for this thread.
As my evil teenage daughter is now 20 and is blooming into a decent human being, I now feel better, but man, those were some torturous years!! My son is so much better, at least so far. He's 14. I am so very grateful I hopefully won't have to go through another torturous 5 years with him. And yes, my daughter was totally planned and my son was not planned.
I am a redhead and my daughter came out with dark black hair and dark eyes (Japanese). I feel this contributed to the lack of bonding I felt with her in her formative years. On the other hand, as I sit here typing this, I am crying and I know that means that I love her tremendously. Or it could mean I'm overly emotional. One of those, lol.
I think some people go into parenting with unrealistic expectations. Like it's going to be pink dresses and bows for a life time. A little buddy who will always love you. Someone to take care of you in your old age. Someone to give you grandchildren. One big Norman Rockwell painting.
But parenting is hard. Really hard. Emotionally. Financially. Physically. No time in your life will you ever feel so unqualified as when you parent. Any what you gain is mostly all of intrinsic value. I think if people can't find joy in just knowing they worked hard to love and raise a human being, then they should parent. Because it's a crap shoot if you will "get anything back" in the end.
As my evil teenage daughter is now 20 and is blooming into a decent human being, I now feel better, but man, those were some torturous years!! My son is so much better, at least so far. He's 14. I am so very grateful I hopefully won't have to go through another torturous 5 years with him. And yes, my daughter was totally planned and my son was not planned.
I am a redhead and my daughter came out with dark black hair and dark eyes (Japanese). I feel this contributed to the lack of bonding I felt with her in her formative years. On the other hand, as I sit here typing this, I am crying and I know that means that I love her tremendously. Or it could mean I'm overly emotional. One of those, lol.
Ummmm my kids are of another race and born out of another woman's body and I didn't have trouble bonding with them. That seems highly narcissistic that you felt you couldn't bond with someone who didn't look like you. Ugh.
My parents probably wanted more kids than they had but I do know people who are closer to my age that probably would have liked a do over, I know people who had kids either in high school or 1-2 yrs out of high school and essentially had to give up their plans for their future to be a single parent. I doubt they would ever voice those thoughts and I'm certain they'd never say it to their kids. I personally have never wanted kids, no fence-sitting for me, I have always been 100% sure I did not want them and that isn't changing so no regrets for me.
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but from a parent's perspective, being a parent is SO HARD! you can do all things right and your kids may still hate you or disown you. we struggled financially for years with child related costs. of course this is all par for the course but it does make life easier to not have children. this is a simple fact! you get more sleep, more money, more fun, more time to yourself. of course you miss out on having precious children. but sometimes those precious children grow up, get DUI's, go bankrupt, use you as an ATM, break your heart and give you grey hairs. we all want our parents to love unconditionally but parents are humans too. this is not excusing those parents who told their kids they regret having them but just trying to see the other side a bit as well.
