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Hey, guys. Thank you so much for all the responses! I think your responses gave me courage to more nicely, yet more firmly speak up to my parents, which I'll do.
Since it seems that many of you guys are wondering, I and my sister are paying tuition and house rent by ourselves with our own student loan and part-time salary. Sorry if that part was not really clear.
Yes, you are not children anymore. They should not treat you that way, IMHO. Great posts , BTW. I wish I could write that well in my second language.
Feel your pain sister - my parents are healthy, in their 80's, dad still drives (but only during the day and only within a 5 mile radius, and we live in that radius), hubby and I are in our 60's, and they insist on having a key to my house. They come over whenever they get in the mood. One day I was sound asleep taking a nap, when suddenly I got the impression that someone was standing over me. I woke up, saw a body (not really focusing) and screamed bloody murder. It was my mother. Boy, did I throw a temper tantrum!! I nearly had a heart attack.
Didn't really make an impression. They don't come as often, dad's been having more issues - but I can so relate. I've had this all my life - altho, in my case, they don't lecture me about my house. I know they're just lonely, but I sure wish they'd CALL first.
Feel your pain sister - my parents are healthy, in their 80's, dad still drives (but only during the day and only within a 5 mile radius, and we live in that radius), hubby and I are in our 60's, and they insist on having a key to my house. They come over whenever they get in the mood. One day I was sound asleep taking a nap, when suddenly I got the impression that someone was standing over me. I woke up, saw a body (not really focusing) and screamed bloody murder. It was my mother. Boy, did I throw a temper tantrum!! I nearly had a heart attack.
Didn't really make an impression. They don't come as often, dad's been having more issues - but I can so relate. I've had this all my life - altho, in my case, they don't lecture me about my house. I know they're just lonely, but I sure wish they'd CALL first.
ive never heard of such a thing,,
I couldn't live like that ..knowing they could just pop in..
You are paying your own way in school and paying your own rent. It's high time your parents realized that you are adults and if you don't have time to clean your OWN place, they need to either not visit or keep quiet about the way you keep your place.
I'd set a limit on which days you approve of them going to visit you. (Eg: Tuesdays and Thursdays) If they show up unannounced on other days, either don't answer the door or be ready for them when they arrive and tell them you are going out in (?X) minutes and it's not a good time for them to visit.
You are adults and not their little children to boss around. Stop letting them.
Hey, guys. Thank you so much for all the responses! I think your responses gave me courage to more nicely, yet more firmly speak up to my parents, which I'll do.
Since it seems that many of you guys are wondering, I and my sister are paying tuition and house rent by ourselves with our own student loan and part-time salary. Sorry if that part was not really clear.
Welcome to the forum, Azer!
May I ask, was you mother critical of your behavior when you lived at home? Is she the kind of person who keeps her house 'squeaky clean' and so consequently expects it of you?
I don't 'do' mornings, so my kids don't have to worry about that, but I do recall the first time I visited one of our daughters unannounced (she wasn't in school; she lived in her own apartment with her (then) boyfriend -- on welfare's dime, I might add), as my husband and I and our youngest daughter were in the city and nearby when our car overheated, so we thought it would be a good time to call. It was early evening.
Her boyfriend didn't even greet us and shut himself in the bedroom until after we left (as soon as our car cooled down), and our daughter sat and sulked through the entire hour of our visit, telling us that we should have called prior to coming over. (No cell phones were around in those days.)
I remember how hurt I was and I never visited her again, not that she invited us. My husband and I couldn't understand her behavior. She had always been such a loving, cheerful, and giving kid. She hasn't been that kind of person since she was eighteen, twenty years ago. She's still on welfare, is a heroin addict, and the mother of two illegitimate children (with two different fathers), whom we've never seen, and DH and I are still wondering what went wrong....
I don't understand what's happening to family values nowadays.
You and your sister sound like nice girls. Hopefully, you can work out your situation amicably with your parents. An intact family is a rarity these days.
You are immigrants. I suspect that in your country of origin, it is not common for women to leave their parents home before marriage. They are coming to try to catch you in the act of having men over, and search the apartment for evidence of a man having been there. They do this because they think it is their right and duty. Your sister lets them in because she was raised by them, and has internalized some of their old world attitudes about women. You need to have a talk with your sister. You two don't deserve to be treated like this. If she doesn't want to stop them, she should move back home, and you get a studio apartment or a room in a student communal house. If she wants to continue living together, the two of you must tell your parents that these surprise inspections are disruptive, and interfere with your studies. Tell them that you both love and respect them, but they must treat you with the common courtesy that they would treat a good friend. That they must call first. Since they live an hour away, two hours notice, and acceptance if you say it's not a good time, seems reasonable.
Hey, guys. Thank you so much for all the responses! I think your responses gave me courage to more nicely, yet more firmly speak up to my parents, which I'll do.
Since it seems that many of you guys are wondering, I and my sister are paying tuition and house rent by ourselves with our own student loan and part-time salary. Sorry if that part was not really clear.
How hard is it to take a few minutes daily to tidy up your home and keep dishes done and laundry in the hamper?
Are you and your sister both that big of slobs that you can't each take 10 minutes out of your day?
Maybe before you drink those beers?
How hard is it to take a few minutes daily to tidy up your home and keep dishes done and laundry in the hamper?
Are you and your sister both that big of slobs that you can't each take 10 minutes out of your day?
Maybe before you drink those beers?
Oh give me a break. NO ONE has a right to go into anyone else's home and criticize, especially when the visitors are not paying the bills.
And sorry, but when people are in college, going to class, studying, and socializing take a much higher priority over laundry and dishes.
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