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I don't want to confront total strangers. But the other day I ran across a man who had found his girlfriend's dog running loose and didn't have a leash. I let him have one of those slip leads I had in my car and keep for just such occasions - the vet gives them out for free, and I have a ton.
Well, it was patterned like a rainbow, and the guy says to me in a kind of protesting tone that everyone would think he was gay and then said to the dog "well I'll guess we'll be homos together." If I hadn't been more concerned about the dog than the guy, I'd have taken the damn leash back. And I regretted not confronting him or at least saying something like "Wow, that's offensive."
I was wondering if a good way to deal with those situations with strangers would be to simply say "I'm gay." Or "I'm Jewish." Or something like that. And just walk away. On one hand, I'm uncomfortable with lying, but on the other hand I also see it as an act of solidarity. There are historical precedents.
Really it just seems like the easiest way of dealing with that kind of thing. I don't want to start arguments with strangers - that doesn't seem wise or even safe. But is it ethically sound to identify yourself as a member of the group that is the subject of the insult if you're not actually a member of the group?
I don't want to confront total strangers. But the other day I ran across a man who had found his girlfriend's dog running loose and didn't have a leash. I let him have one of those slip leads I had in my car and keep for just such occasions - the vet gives them out for free, and I have a ton.
Well, it was patterned like a rainbow, and the guy says to me in a kind of protesting tone that everyone would think he was gay and then said to the dog "well I'll guess we'll be homos together." If I hadn't been more concerned about the dog than the guy, I'd have taken the damn leash back. And I regretted not confronting him or at least saying something like "Wow, that's offensive."
I was wondering if a good way to deal with those situations with strangers would be to simply say "I'm gay." Or "I'm Jewish." Or something like that. And just walk away. On one hand, I'm uncomfortable with lying, but on the other hand I also see it as an act of solidarity. There are historical precedents.
Really it just seems like the easiest way of dealing with that kind of thing. I don't want to start arguments with strangers - that doesn't seem wise or even safe. But is it ethically sound to identify yourself as a member of the group that is the subject of the insult if you're not actually a member of the group?
I have always done this. If my only contact with them is has been over the phone, I'll even say I am black (which would be impossible face-to-face). It's always been funny to see them trip over their tongues, apologizing. I never correct myself. It's a teachable moment.
Some times you have to. I always being so kind and patient. But that is not always possible. When people treat you as crap you need to say something back for them to at least think about what they say. Now I do. Next time simply say "oh never thought you are that rude" or just leash the man's neck and call "hi doggy" seriously.
I don't want to confront total strangers. But the other day I ran across a man who had found his girlfriend's dog running loose and didn't have a leash. I let him have one of those slip leads I had in my car and keep for just such occasions - the vet gives them out for free, and I have a ton.
Well, it was patterned like a rainbow, and the guy says to me in a kind of protesting tone that everyone would think he was gay and then said to the dog "well I'll guess we'll be homos together." If I hadn't been more concerned about the dog than the guy, I'd have taken the damn leash back. And I regretted not confronting him or at least saying something like "Wow, that's offensive."
I was wondering if a good way to deal with those situations with strangers would be to simply say "I'm gay." Or "I'm Jewish." Or something like that. And just walk away. On one hand, I'm uncomfortable with lying, but on the other hand I also see it as an act of solidarity. There are historical precedents.
Really it just seems like the easiest way of dealing with that kind of thing. I don't want to start arguments with strangers - that doesn't seem wise or even safe. But is it ethically sound to identify yourself as a member of the group that is the subject of the insult if you're not actually a member of the group?
I'm not sure what the point would be. The person might be embarrassed for a moment but they'll still be a homophobe/racist, etc. when you walk away.
If you are comfortable dwAling with the possible ramifications of the deceit, either positive as in a teChing moment, or the complete opposite, have at it.
Similar thing happened to me outta the blue. I was playing pickup pickle ball and was talking to someone I knew by sight and first name but not much else. Just chitchat and he said he and wife had recently moved from city A to city B (both nearby) and said "It was getting too black there". I didn't ask him why they moved, he just said it. And I just looked at him and didn't say anything, he moved away before I could even respond.
So immediately after I was stunned. I am white American and he is English and white and I had a good opinion of him before this because he didn't make bad line calls or alter the score in his favor. Now I don't talk to him by choice but he also hasn't shown up much anymore.
And what I wonder is "Why me?" just because I'm a blonde white 60-something? Do I give off a vibe that lets people think I'm open to blatantly racist statements? I'm the opposite of racist and my family includes Cubans, Mexican-Americans and recently my nephew married an Iranian girl. No gays yet (surprising) and no African-American relatives and many Republicans and some pro-Trump. But none of the conservatives would ever say anything racist, except I know they can't wait for Obama to leave (I voted for him twice).
So long story short I didn't say anything because I was stunned but I think my look said what I was thinking "WTF?"
Similar thing happened to me outta the blue. I was playing pickup pickle ball and was talking to someone I knew by sight and first name but not much else. Just chitchat and he said he and wife had recently moved from city A to city B (both nearby) and said "It was getting too black there". I didn't ask him why they moved, he just said it. And I just looked at him and didn't say anything, he moved away before I could even respond.
So immediately after I was stunned. I am white American and he is English and white and I had a good opinion of him before this because he didn't make bad line calls or alter the score in his favor. Now I don't talk to him by choice but he also hasn't shown up much anymore.
And what I wonder is "Why me?" just because I'm a blonde white 60-something? Do I give off a vibe that lets people think I'm open to blatantly racist statements? I'm the opposite of racist and my family includes Cubans, Mexican-Americans and recently my nephew married an Iranian girl. No gays yet (surprising) and no African-American relatives and many Republicans and some pro-Trump. But none of the conservatives would ever say anything racist, except I know they can't wait for Obama to leave (I voted for him twice).
So long story short I didn't say anything because I was stunned but I think my look said what I was thinking "WTF?"
Are you bothered that he doesn't want too many black people in his city or just that he had the nerve to say it? Are you currently living in a city with a large black population or interested in relocating to one?
I am bothered he would say that he moved because he didn't like black people. If he said it was because of crime or some other reason that would not bother me. But someone's color is not a good reason to move in my opinion. Perhaps it is in your opinion.
Our area has very few people of color, less than 10%.
I am bothered he would say that he moved because he didn't like black people. If he said it was because of crime or some other reason that would not bother me. But someone's color is not a good reason to move in my opinion. Perhaps it is in your opinion.
Our area has very few people of color, less than 10%.
I am a person of color (black, specifically), and I'm aware that a lot of people don't want to live in black areas. You might've taken his statement as racist and felt like it was unnecessary for him to say it, but considering that it's a common sentiment, I don't think it's shocking that he said it to you.
I have to admit that recently someone made an offensive comment about Muslims and I chickened out and kept my trap shut. I have a relative who also makes such comments, and she knows my opinion of this behavior, so I don't feel the need to start a confrontation whenever she opens her mouth - my conscience is fine with redirecting the conversation. In fact, I suspect she is looking for a reaction and that it may be best not to provide one. But in the case of the remark I feel I should have addressed, I think I let the speaker believe I agreed with the sentiment, and that was not cool.
I don't think it would be particularly effective to pretend to belong to the maligned group. As a poster upthread said, when you walk away, the offender will still be a racist/homophobe/generic bigot, and you will have lied.
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