If your sister in law deosnt like you, would you just steer clear? (husband, talks)
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I have a very strong sense that my SIL doesnt like me for whatever reason. She only communicates with me when she really has to, so starting up a friendly chatter is almost impossible. I just get this cold vibe from her. You might ask "people dont dislike you for a reason, must be something wrong with you." I honestly dont see where I went wrong though. I am a very friendly person, I like to talk sometimes, but only if I am trying to get to know the person, or very close to them. I am the type to ask about how your day went, or wish you on every single holiday lol. I did know that my sil became more distant with me ever since we had our kids at almost the exact same time (my youngest, and her first). I dont know if its something to consider or if its a coincidence but thats what I noticed.
My husband recently had gallbladder surgery and I am his primary care giver since all his family live out of state. She doesnt call or anything, and doesnt even bother calling him to ask how he is doing, she just messages me on fb and says "How is he doing? Is he getting better? Please try to help him out" I just responded "Of course I will! He's being pampered." I then go on and try to make small talk since its been a very long time since we've communicated, and she "sees" the messages but never responds. The next day, she messages me again, and asks about her brother. If she could message me, surely she would've seen my other messages.
I dont understand why she avoids almost all small talk with me, and just initiates conversation with me if she needs something, such as asking about her brother, or asking why he hasnt called their parents in awhile. I am kinda like a bridge between her brother and their family when they cant reach him. Its the technology era, so no one prefers to talk on the phone anymore. Within our family, we usually communicate through text, messaging. She also says that she prefers texting/messaging over talking on the phone for non urgent matters.
I recently wished her a happy thanksgiving, and again, she "sees" this but doesnt acknowledge me.
My husband has talked with her husband before, and the response that my husband got from his brother in law is so different. You can tell that his brother in law is friendly and enjoys talking to him and my husband has to be the one to end the conversation.
I wouldnt think about it too much if she was just a quiet person, but she's not, she talks to other people, just not me.
Obviously, you dont know me or her in person, so its hard to come to a conclusion, and I am not really looking for any judgement. I am just wondering, with this type of relationship (where other person doesnt like talking to you) would you just steer clear and stop initiating (conversation) so much? Thanks
My (now ex) sister in law HATED me for absolutely no reason. When I first met her, she snubbed me totally. If I asked her a direct question, she would give me a one word answer. When she was around, my brother would act the same way. I just stopped trying. Even if we were in the same room, I didn't speak to her directly. I might say "dinner is ready" but not specifically directed at her. She also treated my husband the same way. Needless to say, we didn't attend a lot of family events with them.
I tried really hard to figure out why. I thought it might be because we didn't go to their wedding. But they were having it in a remote location and the services were all quite late. I had two little kids who couldn't stay up that late and I couldn't find any sitters in that area. And bringing one would have just been too costly. So we sent them a cash wedding gift of what we would have spent on air fare and a gift and said we were very sorry. No thank you note, of course.
Well later, on facebook, of course. She decided to let me know why she hated me. Apparently it offended her I was a stay at home mom and she thought I was rich. Ironically, she grew up much more wealthy then we were. But what ever. But by this time she had decided my husband was awesome.
Anyways...if they are going to be like that, you just ignore them. Not like in a childish way. Just don't try to reach out when they won't reach back.
Last edited by HighFlyingBird; 11-25-2015 at 10:32 AM..
In-laws or not, if someone avoids me and won't socialize with me, I wouldn't have anything to do with them. I don't know what your SIL's issues are, but sounds like you're not on her "hit parade". Just keep it to "hello" and "goodbye", anything else is an option. Seems as though she's got some deep-rooted issues.
be courteous, be civil, and it is not about you or anything you've done
when we marry into a family, there will be people who don't like us, just like at work there are people who don't like us. try not to take it personally, it has nothing to do with your many fine traits and qualities. remind yourself that there are lots of people in your world who love you and appreciate you and recognize your many good qualities. don't let her get you down, because it is more important for you to have peace and harmony in your world and in your feelings. your husband is fortunate to have you in his life and it sounds like you are an attentive care giver.
my sister In law no longer talks to any of us , which is fine with both me and my husband he always has to make the calls and say hello , she is too good to do so I guess since the parents are gone . she blames us for leaving the state we could not afford to buy a house in . She always insisted that if I was working it would have been easier for us to buy a house there , no the taxes would have killed us we could not afford even if I was working . Plus the added extra exspense of another car . My take is on this , there are some people who think they know what is best for you , sorry no , I know what is best for me .We don't worry too much about family who does not care for us . don't worry about her she is the one with the problem not you .
You can either confront her directly and ask if you've done anything to offend her. Or you can accept the fact she doesn't care for you and stop being friendly, treating her the same way she treats you. On facebook, just answer her inquiries with a "yes" or "no" and don't try to engage her. Maybe she will try to clear the air once she realizes you are done trying to win her over. Reverse psychology.
Ignore her and that includes FB. In fact, I would unfriend her. Life is tough enough without subjecting yourself to someone who does not like you; and stop worrying about it. There will be times when you have to be around her, but I would make those times few and far between.
If she is disrespectful to your face, deal with it immediately, but do not ask her why she doesn't like you. Her problem should not be yours.
I have a very strong sense that my SIL doesnt like me for whatever reason.
You have to understand it from her point of view. She thinks it's weird that you like her brother and that you actually sleep with him.
(Yes, we are all still in high school.)
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